“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29Whoever came up with the phrase “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” was a fool. Believe me, words can hurt people severely.
Words that are carelessly spoken can be devastating and destructive. All too often, our conversations with others are filled with complaints, cut-downs and criticisms. We are quick to judge others by our own faulty standards. We are quick to gripe when we do not have our way. In instances like these, we speak negative words that hurt and tear people down. When you choose to tear down instead of build up you do damage to your relationship with your children, with your spouse, with your friends and with your co-workers.
Negative words and phrases include…
- That’s stupid.
- You’re an idiot.
- Don’t be dumb.
- You never understand.
- You make no sense.
- Complaints
- Criticism
- Yelling
- Back-handed compliments
- Words spoken in anger
Words and phrases that build up are …
- I love you.
- I’m proud of you.
- I forgive you.
- Thank you.
- I appreciate you.
- You can do it.
- Don’t give up.
- No matter what, I’m here for you.
- Did you have a good day?
- Good job.
God has given us the gift of speech. How have we used it? Words can hurt and words can heal. They can build up or tear down. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). What we need to do is “Encourage one another daily” (Hebrews 3:13). Let’s use our words each day to do just that!
Can you think of any other words or phrases that tear down or build up?
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 21 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
When I think about this I often remember that old truism, “How you say what you say is as important as what you say.” I don’t know if that is an absolute, buut I am finding it to be more and more important in my marriage and in my professional life. Regardless, in response to your question:
Negative – Two things that personally get under my skin: people berate me for not reading their minds or not knowing what I have not been told, and people who ask for a favor and then criticize the way that I do them the favor that they asked me to do.
Positive:
“You’re not alone in this.”
“Whatever it takes, we will see this through.”
Those two phrases have a tremendous power to build me up.
trey,
you stupid, worthless,ignorant idiot, I love you and I am proud of you.
brian
Trey,
Excellent post brother. I preached on this topic this past Sunday night. Imagine what would happen if every Christian used the tongue to bless, encourage, and strengthen one anther. It blows my mind away when I think of all that we could accomplish. How many minister would remain in ministry and how many influencial we would be in the world today only if we used our words in a possitive way. Trey your post I believe is so important. It is an important topic that all Christians need to hear but not just hear but put into practice. God bless you brother. I hope and pray for your work in Childress.
In Him,
Kinney Mabry
The timing of this post is purely a God thing. I am going to a meeting today. I plan on using this to start off the meeting. Thank you my friend. You are a great man of God.
A phrase we never used and refused to allow our children to use is “Shut up!” When our daughter was about 8, we visited a couple who were both psychologists. Jessica needed something from her mom and politely interrupted the “adult” conversation only to be told by this highly trained professional care-giver to “shut up” and go to another room. Needless to say, that didn’t sit well with my wife, who ignored the highly trained professional care giver to attend to the needs of our daughter.
Great post! I’m currently reading through Proverbs and making a note of every reference or allusion to speech or the tongue. It is blowing me away how much the Bible emphasizes just what you are saying. I plan on committing several of these verses to memory for future reference.
How about this phrase:
(Feel free to read it tomorrow, Trey)
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Trey
Happy Birthday to you!
Smiling now!
Blessings
Neva
Maybe it’s just because I’m a sensitive girl, but I always hated hearing:
You’re fat/ugly. That can really mess with your head.
Blech. Good thing I’ve got a good hubby now!
I was a counselor at a space camp for a couple of years, and we had a lot of high risk kids come through one summer. To say that they were a bit rough would be a massive understatement. The director had us make this our motto: “The ones that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most.” When you have six year old kids cussing out other kids and then telling you that’s what their Mom calls them…well, it lends a certain perspective to things.
So, maybe those aren’t necessarily building up words themselves, but it’s an idea to keep in mind when you’re trying to remember why you SHOULD build people up.
“I think you’re beautiful” (positive). That’s not directed at you, Trey. (not so positive)
I think one of the worst things you can say to a young girl is to criticize the way she looks…anything that fits into this statement, “You’re not _______ enough” would pretty much be in the “not building me up” category.”
As far as words that do build me up…”thank you so much”, “You’re the best wife” and “we’ve decided to get rid of the TAKS test.” What? That last one doesn’t build you up?
Good stuff, folks. Very good.
Happy Birthday, the big 5-0!!
congrats!! woo-hoo!!!
brian
Thanks for the reminder, Trey. This is something we’ve been getting lazy about in our house lately.
We all need to watch our words more closely. The wrong word at the wrong time can be costly.
You must have the book of James on your mind, too.
I have never liked hearing people say “shut up.” I cringe when I hear someone say either to someone’s face or about that someone that they will “never amount to anything.”
I love to hear folks say, “You’re special,” “You’re God’s child,” and “You’re just as precious as can be.”
I’m new, but I’m enjoying what I’m reading here so far.
Nedra … a quick shout-out – thanks for dropping by. Hope you’ll come back when you can.
Blessings
Any kind of ultimatum or threat…not very “building”.
“You make my day” “You make my heart smile” now those are building!