WANT TO FEEL INTIMATE WITH YOUR SPOUSE? TRY THIS…

I absolutely LOVE to hear my wife pray. About a year ago I wrote this about how husbands and wives should be praying together. I still believe that prayer with your spouse can be as special and intimate as your sexual relationship with them.

I heard someone quote a statistic recently that said, “Only 8% of married couples pray together.” My first thought was, “No way is this possible,” but the more I’ve thought about it, I’m beginning to think that maybe the statistic is right.
So the BIG question is, “Why aren’t married couples praying together?”
Uncomfortableness?
Fear?
Pride?
I’m going to bet in most cases that it’s because the men won’t man-up, take the lead and say to their wives, “Honey, let’s spend some time in prayer together.” How do I know? I was there once too. I have no doubt, if the husbands would simply ask, the wives would take them up on it in a heartbeat. Men, if you are not praying with your wife, you’re missing out on some incredible intimacy.
I have NO clue how to put a poll on my blog, but I would love to know if you pray with your spouse. Leave me a comment, either anonymously or not, that simply says, “Often,” “Rarely,” or “Never.” I’m hoping we average out better than 8% on our survey.
So which of those 3 is it?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
43 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Brittainy says:

    Never

    I would love to. But it just doesn't happen. I hope that your "poll" is greater than 8% as well.

  2. Anonymous says:

    My wife doesn't believe she is authorized to pray out loud with a man present.

    I have not been able to change her mind on this.

    I feel very uncomfortable acting as an intermediary, praying for both of us.

    How do you resolve this?

  3. Anonymous says:

    My husband and I don't pray together. I pray at night during my "quiet time". I know he prays, also, but for a man, I think it's a "man thing" to not show your sensitive side. So my answer would be "never"…might be something we need to start.

  4. That Girl says:

    I am uncomfortable praying aloud. I always cry when I pray out loud so I don't do it often. I like to talk to God when it's just him, Jesus, the Spirit, and me – even then, if it's out loud, I cry. I like to pray with Mr. Riley if he's the one doing most of the talking. :)

  5. Drew Battistelli says:

    We're engaged, but we attempt to pray together every day at least once. Lately, I've been wanting to spend even more time in prayer as we work through things and am willing to stop and say "let's just talk to God right now" multiple times throughout the day. It's SO good to have this intimacy with her before I get all the others!!!

  6. KingsKid777 says:

    Unfortunately the stat is that low… I always thought it was lower. In my house we pray as a family…I am only 23, but I lead prayer most nights with my parents and siblings.

  7. Anonymous says:

    It's sad to say but "Never"

    My prayer time is spent alone. One of my daughters who is 3 understands that when we pray we close our eyes & she holds my hand. Priceless! But we still await for Daddy/husband.

  8. TREY MORGAN says:

    Brittainy – Thanks for your comment… maybe someday :)

    Anonymous – Keep working on her and studying with her on the subject of prayer and a what women are and are not authorized to do.

    Anonymous 2 – It is a "man thing" to not show your sensitive side. That's what society has told us. But once he starts, he'll be amazed how manly it is to pray with his wife :)

    That Girl – Well said.

    Drew … Keep it going…

  9. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – "Still waiting for Daddy." Powerful words!!!

  10. Anonymous says:

    No -he won't! Never has, never will,won't say why.

  11. Charla (SHar-la) says:

    Trey, is your blog through blogger? If so, I can help you with your poll question.

  12. Charla (SHar-la) says:

    Okay, I think it is through Blogger, so I will give you the easy directions here and hopefully they help.

    Go to your Layout and click on Add a Gadget. Scroll down until you see the Poll. Click the + button and then fill in your specifics. Hit Save and it should show up somewhere in your sidebar. Move it until it is where you would like it and then hit Save again. View your Blog and it should be in your sidebar, ready to be used! I hope that helps and my guess is you will have more answers if the poll is completely anonymous. :)

  13. TMM says:

    It used to be never but for a few months my husband & I pray often!! He prays & I listen, does that count?

  14. Janet says:

    Rarely (together and intimately)
    ~We love it when we do though and we WANT to do it more…TODAY I will talk to him about it again!

    As a family~every night. As we tuck our kids in bed we pray EVERY NIGHT! My son just started saying, "I want to pray!"

  15. Anonymous says:

    Rarely, but I always have to bring it up. Hum…. Maybe I should add this to my prayer list. I'll bet God can get down what I can't.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Rarely, if ever. I confess it feels forced when we do. My husband grew up in a church attending family, but there was nothing at home that resembled a Christian family. His prayers are full of pat phrases and sound rehearsed and stilted and I find myself critiquing his prayers. So for his sake and mine, I don't suggest it, although I know it is supposed to be a good thing.

    Sounds like I have plenty of issues to work out on my own, doesn't it?

  17. Anonymous says:

    Trey,
    My wife and I pray together every night we don't have relations. When we have relations (about every third night) I'm totally zonked. But the other nights we get in bed and hug, then we playfully argue who's turn it is to pray usually while we're tickling each other. Then finally one of us prays; we kiss and go to sleep. It's wonderful. My wife prays so much deeper and more beautifil prayers than I do. I love to hear her pray. She always prays for me and it's very humbling. Intimacy? You bet!! As good as relations? Not quite. But our marraige is so much stronger because of prayer. I preach and I've tried teaching this to couples and I can't for the life of me understand why there's so much resistance. Must be the devil. Thanks for blogging about this. Maybe it will encourage some couples to give it a try. They won't be sorry.

  18. Marty says:

    My girlfriend and I don't live together, so it would be difficult. But, when I do get married, everyday will start with a prayer. I think it's crucial for the stability of a relationship. But, that's just me.

  19. Robin Brannon says:

    Often!

    My wife and I tuck our daughter in and pray as a family on a nightly basis. Usually I'm the one praying on the family's behalf, but the girls get involved from time to time.

    On several occasions my wife and I pray together after we've tucked Sweet Pea in. The preacher who said his wife's prayers were humbling hit it square on the head! When my wife prays for me I feel like the most fortunate man on the planet.

    For those of you struggling with women praying aloud, I don't really have any profound advice, but I will say this: when we allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us, we may not expect the vehicle through which He speaks. Regardless of the vehicle, let Him speak. He will completely improve your life if you let him.

    That's my 2 cents worth!

  20. TREY MORGAN says:

    Charla – Thanks for your help. My template was designed in an html format. The blogger gadgets don't work :( BUT thanks for trying, caring and being my friend.

    TMM – Absolutely! :)

    Janet – Lea and I go through times where we don't as much as we should. Hang in there.

    11:42 Anonymous – Amen!

    11:58 Anonymous – Be patient and keep encouraging him. As he grows spiritually, so will his prayer language and life. Hang in there :)

    12:04 Anonymous – Well said.

  21. Anonymous says:

    for my husband's sake i will make this anonymous…

    i have been trying to get him to pray with me since we first got married. there have been times where it was easier and times where it felt like pulling teeth. through all of the times though i don't think he has every truly opened up completely with the Lord in front of me. he keeps a prayer journal, but wants it to be private. as a woman i don't understand this, i want to share my every thought and feeling with him. i will admit that it is difficult to open up to the Lord in prayer showing yourself completely and vulnerably in front of someone else. i often cry too, just from the sheer overwhelming emotion. it is even that much harder when the other person is not willing to do the same.

    there have been times when he has mentioned it, and even iniated praying, but we haven't hit that "break through."

    i am ashamed to say that i have halfway given up. my heart is exhausted. it is tough trying to lead your family closer to God, not just to church, when you feel like you are sometimes dragging your spouse along.

    when did you and your wife start praying for real?

  22. Kim says:

    OFTEN. We have too much going on in our lives not to pray together.

    You are right on. The intimacy that comes in sharing a prayer life cannot be emphasized enough. God has done amazing things in our marriage and in how He uses us because we have been intentional about praying together.

    I was a wife who struggled to pray out loud, especially with men, for many years. God worked me through that one and I have never looked back and never been more thankful to God for helping me overcome that fear.

    Couples have no idea what they are missing out on by not including prayer together as a part of each day.

  23. Anonymous says:

    I'm Anonymous @ 10:23am & I feel like when I said "Still waiting for Daddy" it sounds like he isn't a good dad & husband. That is SO not the case, I just long for him to step up & take the role in showing our children why we are in this life. Many Sundays we set in church without him & I hope that will change with time.

    Just wanted to clarify what I said! Thanks Trey!!!

  24. Terry says:

    Often

  25. TREY MORGAN says:

    Robin – Well said. Very well said.

    Anonymous 1:42 – I'm sorry. Keep showing him that it's important to you. Men, like me, are very slow to catch on sometimes. Often you can't connect the dots close enough for us. Keep communicating. He may be like I was, and just didn't catch on. I still remember years ago in our young marriage the exact day when Lea said, with tears in her eyes, "You pray with everyone but me." It literally broke my heart. I didn't have a clue she wanted to pray, nor had I ever taken the lead. I just didn't see how important it was to her, nor did I realize the intimacy I was missing. It was then we started. It was uncomfortable at first … but I caught on in time. :) I'm glad Lea was patient with me, but I'm also glad she finally spoke up. There are still times we struggle with finding the time because our schedules are often going different directions. But I'm so glad we do pray together now.

    Kim – Awesome!

    Anonymous 10:23 – I totally understand. Your comment, "Still waiting on Husband/daddy," was powerful and should crush the heart of any man reading this. :) Thanks for sharing.

  26. Steve V says:

    Often

    Nightly, and three times a day if you count meals.

    Follow Trey men – pray with your wives!

  27. Anonymous says:

    Never.

  28. Dante says:

    Often!

    Men- 1st Peter 3:7 – Memorize it and encourage your wives to pray for you!

  29. Anonymous says:

    Sometimes. For a few weeks it's every night. Then it's occasionally. Then never. Then back to occasionally. Up to often. The cycle repeats.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Hardly ever, and I would give anything for him to want to pray with me. I could probably count on one hand the number of times we have prayed together in all these years together (other than mealtimes). I know he prays on his own, and I pray on my own, but it would mean so much to be able to pray together. He is a leader in our church, and it breaks my heart that he prays with lots of other people besides me. I know exactly how your wife must have felt when she told you the same thing. I am almost "nervous" about praying with him or asking him to pray with me. How can that be, when we have been married for 18 years now and he's my very best friend? I need to do some thinking about this and gather up some courage!

  31. Lowell says:

    Robin and I have prayed together since before we married. In the beginning of our marriage it was just before we went to sleep. Do you know how hard it is to have something against your spouse before you go before God's throne?

    I know how to jump this up to 99%. Wives should tell their husbands, "No praying together, no sex together." Bet that will work wonders.

  32. Anonymous says:

    As a family every night at dinner, but only in the last year or so.

    As a couple NEVER. My husband is a new Christian and doesn't think praying in front of anyone is okay. I know it is his pride as he wrestles with what it means to be a Christian, but I find it very frustruating. If he won't pray with me, then I wish he would be more open to letting others pray in groups together.

  33. Anonymous says:

    we don't pray together, heck we don't have much to say too each other!

  34. Anonymous says:

    Never. He is not a Christian. I'm a regular commenter here but going anonymous for this.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Very often :)

    We are only courting, but after spending time together we always end it prayer before saying our goodbyes. It feels amazing to share that feeling of coming and laying down everything before our Lord. It is also extra special because her native language is Indonesian, and the first time she prayed in English was with me. She prays with a beautiful innocence too, and is so careful and deliberate in her choice of words.

    It was her idea that we start praying together. As a guy I was initially a little shy about revealing such a personal part of myself, but she reacted very passionately, and lots of encouragement, so my feeling of self-consciousness quickly disappeared. What started with prayer has now led us to explore more of the spiritual side of our relationship, and we've just started doing bible study together twice a week. Happy times ahead :)

    Hope my reply wasn't too long

    ~ Chris

  36. TREY MORGAN says:

    I sure hope the men, including myself, are reading and hearing what the wives are saying.

    5:37 Anonymous – gather up some courage …. and talk to him about it. I'm SO thankful that Lea did.

    Lowell – Love the idea.

    6:41 Anonymous – Being a new Christian and being a man, he may be feeling a little embarrassed about praying in front of others. Give him time and keep encouraging him.

    Chris – Loved your reply and you guys are starting off on the right foot.

    I sure don't know the statistics, but I've heard it said that couples that pray together have a lower divorce rate. Meaning, the couple that prays together, stays together.

  37. YAWEHCAREGIVER says:

    When Ken and I were together, I tried in vain to pray with him. He informed me point blank that what he prayed remained between him and God. Ok, that's fine I understand, but when I'm wanting to feel close to my husband and to the Lord at the same time and he won't pray with me, I'm not going to get mean and say you pray with me or else.
    I truly believe that statistic, Trey.
    You have some really good blogs. Too bad more men can't be as you are in their Christian walk, but then every man is different.
    Thank you for sharing this with us.

  38. Keith Brenton says:

    Trey, you might try http://www.blogpolls.com/ .
    Looks pretty easy, and it's free.

    My wife and I attend a Life Group that is comfortable with her leading prayer – the other ladies in it aren't comfortable doing so – as well as the men. And she will do so at the dinner table from time to time, even with her 92-year-old mom present!

    But not as much as a couple. We'll fast for the same reasons on the same days together, but hardly ever pray together.

    I'm going to ask!

  39. dmwcarr@mchsi.com says:

    Trey, we occasionally pray together but now that I think about it, it is usually me who initiates it and it is usually in a crisis situation. I am not sure why except I think we both feel awkward, which makes no sense because we are both comfortable praying aloud in a group setting. On the positive side, when my husband was diagnosed with a cancerous polyp in his colon, we got with my adult sons and we all prayed together. Praying together made a very sweet memory for me. And, my husband is fine. The cancer was contained within the polyp. He had a portion of colon removed around it just to make sure. I am now a big supporter of routine colonoscopies! Di

  40. Anonymous says:

    We started our married life praying with each other daily. In those years we still knelt together at our bedside. During the years of child-rearing prayer was a most important time. Nightly devotions and prayers with our children, kneeling at their bed, is still a memory they treasure. Oh, there would be exceptions when we missed – we weren't perfect. Now that we are retired we have our morning devotional together, but our prayer life is lacking. There have been health changes and hubby seems to no longer be able to pray as intimately as he used to. It also seems to me that I have to take the lead, which I am able to, but feel uncomfortable doing as I believe my husband to be the spiritual head of our home.

    I would urge all couples to pray together always – to talk to their Abba; to teach their children to talk with the Lord about anything and everything, any time and any where; to say heartfelt thanks before meals; to sing prayers and praise; to close every day with a talk with their heavenly Father! A life without prayer is a life not truly lived!

    A regular reader and blessed by your posts!

  41. Lori Lowe says:

    So many honest opinions are being given here, that is amazing. My husband and I have worked through the discomfort of sharing prayer out loud, and now in our 15th year of marriage pray together often (daily when together) and have realized the benefits.

    For those who are skeptical about the value of prayer, there is documented independent research that regular prayer can improve your marriage! See: http://wp.me/pgTZD-7s

    Some of the benefits include a greater understanding of your spouse's deepest concerns, and a greater willingness to forgive your spouse. It is worth the effort.
    Great post!

  42. Mrs.Pastor says:

    Rarely. We pray at mealtimes as a family and in church. That's it.

    I have heard many people talk about the power of spouses praying together. My husband is a pastor and does not like praying out loud. It hurts me deeply that he will pray with anyone else but does not feel it's important or worthwhile to pray with just me. Since I do know he would rather pray alone, I don't feel I can share my sadness with him (again).

  43. Dean says:

    Good question. Most couples don't pray together because they are not taught how to pray together in their churches or family of origin. More instruction needs to be given by the spiritual leaders.

    Dean
    http://www.ihaveavoice.com

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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