VISITOR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

It all started as a strange dream. Someone was tickling my neck and back with a piece of grass. I’d brush brush it away and a few moments later they’d do it again. Finally after the forth time of brushing them away I woke up enough to realize that it wasn’t a dream.

I looked at the clock and knew since it was 3:30 a.m., that it wasn’t Lea tickling my back and neck. It was at that moment I felt it again, but this time I knew immediately that it wasn’t a dream, a blade of grass or Lea. Instead there was something in bed with us. Something big. I immediately swatted at what I now knew was some sort of critter that had climbed in our bed. In the total darkness of the night the beast felt enormous. I immediately thought to myself, “I’ve got to get me a deer rifle or machete to keep next to my bed?” Never should a person be attacked in the safety of their own bed. Ever.

I knew I had to protect my family, so like any other man, I began to holler out in the dark, flailing my arms about trying to knock this massive beast off me and on to something else. I made the terrible mistake of knocking it towards Lea. She screamed and started jumping out of bed, too. She immediately hit the lights. At that point, my eyes went from trying to focus in the dark to being totally blinded by light. I couldn’t see a thing and was expecting another attack at any moment.

I immediately thought to myself, “I’ve got to get me a deer rifle or machete to keep next to my bed?”

“What is it?” she asked with panic in her voice. “I don’t know,” I said, “but it was enormous!” My eyes were finally beginning to adjust when we started slowly rolling back the bedspread and then the sheet, looking for whatever it was that needing KILL’N. Finally, we pulled back the sheet, and there it was…a big, nasty, hairy, disgusting bug. I don’t have a clue where the bug came from or how it got in our bed, but I knew it had violated our personal space.

With it still sitting on the bed, the bug and I made eye contact. I realized it wasn’t quite so big or bad, BUT had I had a machete or shotgun, I would have used it right then while screaming in my loudest voice, “DIE YOU STINKING BUG, DIE!” I then swatted the bug off the bed and proceeded to kill what I once that was a gigantic beast with one of Lea’s shoes. Why Lea’s shoe you ask? (Yea, she wanted to know that too!) Because she has a million pair, it was the closest, and I wasn’t going to kill it with one of mine!

A few minutes later the bug was dead and now flushed down the toilet for good measure. Watching him make circles as he went down the drain, I thought to myself, “Let’s see you do that again, punk!” The whole ordeal gave new meaning to the verse found in Hebrews 13:4, “…and the marriage bed should not be defiled.” We went back to bed and laid there in the dark. I tried hard to go back to sleep. Lea did to. Every time one of us moved, the other thought, “There’s another one.” It was at that point that Lea went and slept on the couch, and I went and slept with Cooper.

Stupid bug!

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
30 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    roflolc

    oh that was funny, but scary at the same time. I feel your pain. and I am sure that your hollering was very manly, just like main when a spider/bug sneeks up on me.

    brian

  2. Greg says:

    Funny! When we lived in Florida the palmetto bugs (which, in reality, were HUGE roaches that hissed at you) were common in everyone’s house. I’ve had one of them crawl across my chest at night. One evening I was sitting in the chair in the living room and one ran up under my shirt. I ripped that shirt to shreds getting it and the bug off of me. I HATE bugs!! FYI, the University of Florida did a study years ago and determined every house in Florida had an average of 30,000 palmetto bugs in it! Go to sleep with a figure like that floating around in your head.

  3. Soren says:

    Funny story! My wife freaks out when she sees a spider. I try to tell her that the spider is more scared of her than she is of it, but she’s not buying it. She also loves it when I tell her that studies show that we are never more than 6 or 7 feet away from a spider (how do people determine these things?).

  4. Jeff Slater says:

    I’m not a fan of creepy crawlies — especially spiders.

    Other than brown recluse spiders (which are rare), we don’t really have any dangerous critters up here in north central Ohio (they all die during our brutal winters).

    But I know you have more than your share in Texas!

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
    Wow, I never thought you would get so freaked out by bugs. Made my day!
    ~Allix~

  6. Tucker says:

    Where there is one, there are many more. Bugs have a sense to go look for their brethren after 24 hours. I feel sorry for your now defiled bed. You may need to move or get the gun…No, Lea needs more shoes! Good Luck!

  7. Adam Clark says:

    Made… my… day….!

    😀

  8. Amy says:

    Thanks so much for this hilarious story!! Case and Kenna were both standing here beside me trying to figure out if I might be going crazy(because I was laughing out loud)!! I needed a good laugh today…although I know, in reality, it was NOT funny!

    Won’t be a church Sunday. Jason runs the half in OKC. We’re going ALONE!! No kids!!I am so excited!!

  9. jel says:

    hope Lea is ok! :)

    how aould you liked to have been awake with a snake laying on your stomach!

    when I was little, and my bothers were still home, my oldest bro. awake with one him, how he didn’t move i don’t know, but he didn’t until they moved the snake!

    on thing i don’t like about summer!

  10. Brie says:

    That was absolutely hilarious. I would like to point out that the only thing worse than finding a bug in your bed is NOT finding the bug that you KNOW was there.

    I was once attacked by a scorpion that crawled into bed to snuggle, then stung me. I frantically looked everywhere for the thing, but couldn’t find it. I found it after I got up the next morning and got ready for my first day of college. It had crawled into my pants leg, where it stung me again before meeting its crunchy demise.

    Hate bugs.

  11. Stephanie says:

    Thanks for sharing that story…it is always nice to know that everyone in the world has interesting and frightening stories…I am glad the bug is dead..I just hope he didn’t bite you…haha…I kinda have the same story….a couple of months ago..and left something like a bee sting..and jumped out of bed and started to scream…I haven’t ever been biten while pregnant and I didn’t want to be allegeric…so Toby woke up and we stripped the sheets…she just thought I was crazy…but then a couple days ago…I was making the bed..and felt it again…and again and screamed…come to find out…it was only a sticker…lets just say that sticker had the same fate as “your big little bug.” Take care of yourself….steph

  12. Anonymous says:

    Trey,

    fun story!

    I am getting ready to return to Texas tomorrow. (I have been in
    Seattle visiting my Dad for the last 2 weeks.) Anyway, the visit has afforded me TONS of computer time! which will come to an end tonight.

    So, I will fade back into obscurity again for the unforeseeable future…. However, it has been nice to read here again lately….

    I still remember the kindness you and your church showed our little ministry down in the streets of Lubbock last year. You all blessed us beyond measure. My personal crises of recent months has put a lot on hold lately, but I am well supplied for this summer’s campaign! And so I wish to say thanks again.

    God bless you…
    Blogger formerly known as Messianic Gentile

  13. james says:

    Kathy could tell a similar story about us and a mouse. Write if you want the details.

  14. Darin says:

    A tick is the worst thing I have ever ran into.

    I was really worried, thought you had a mugger tickling your neck until the end there.

    Don’t let the bed bugs bite.

  15. Wendy says:

    I think I need to go find my huntsman spider-in-the car story…

  16. Anonymous says:

    Now you know how I feel about mice.
    I couldn’t kill it, unless my machete was about 6 ft. long. That wouldn’t work either though, because I would miss. I’ll just let my husband take care of one if I see one. But I am not afraid of spiders, wasps, or bugs. I’ve killed snakes, also, But when you are almost 75 you really don’t want to encounter anyone or anything uninvited. gmj

  17. Liss and MOMMY says:

    When we lived in Waco, sugar ants were really bad. They got into everything. Well, one day I was eating a twinkie(the last twinkie I have ever eaten) and after a couple of bites I looked down to find hundreds of ants crawling out of the creamy filling. To say the least I do like twinkies or sugar ants.

  18. Helen Keller says:

    you big sissy! I was at least hoping for a big spider or a scorpion. not just a bug! you crack me up!

  19. jamie riley says:

    This story is hilarious Trey…I was laughing out loud while I read it!

    When Kristin and I were first married…I woke-up from a deep sleep one night, to the sound of Kristin screaming…then before I could move I heard her running through the house toward the bedroom. I was so out of it that I couldn’t think clearly…but I was sure of one thing; there was an intruder in our house and she was running from him…it!?

    I felt around in the dark for something to use to defend her…but only found a pillow – not much help. As she came through the bedroom door I decided to just jump on whoever was behind her…but no one was there! I asked her, “Kristin what’s going on?” She said…”there’s a bat in the house! I got up to get some water, and a bat flew by my head!”

    Now what was I to do? I got a broom, went into the family room where the bat was flying this crazy bat pattern around the room, and I just watched him for a moment. Then I remembered all the practice I had hitting curveballs in baseball…I waited for him to dip down, and I launched him off one of the family room walls. Then I disposed of him properly.

    Way to protect your turf Trey…I’m surprised you didn’t yell “Not in My House!”

    Have a good night…

  20. johndobbs says:

    That is the funniest blog post I’ve ever read.

  21. Anonymous says:

    trey,
    just wanted to say that i definitely like your blog more than john dobbs.

    brian

  22. TREY MORGAN says:

    Brian,

    I hate that I missed the “Live with John Dobbs” party last night. Is your comments some dig towards him? :)

  23. Candle (C & L) says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh -I needed that.

    Maybe bug spray would be a better weapon of choice than a rifle or machete?

    God Bless
    Charlie

  24. Candle (C & L) says:

    Thanks for the morning laugh -I needed that.

    Maybe bug spray would be a better weapon of choice than a rifle or machete?

    God Bless
    Charlie

  25. Chris Gallagher says:

    It was the “blog-bug-prophets” fault for his preacher voo-doo doll schemes.

  26. nick says:

    We have a mouse who lives with us, and while I was watching Criminal Minds last night, he decided that he wanted to watch TV with us, so he thought it would be cool to climb up onto my arm during a really intense part of the show.

    Mice bounce when they hit the wall.

    Horses whinny when they hear men scream.

    ‘Nuff said.

  27. dmjenkins says:

    Can you hear me laughing… I needed that!! Thanks for sharing!

  28. JD says:

    Brian is out of control!!!

    Trey, you were a topic in our live chat last night. Sorry you missed it! Or maybe not!

    As punishment for laughing at your post, I killed a spider in my bed this morning … thankfully I was already up and the wretched creature never crawled on me. It has gone to meet it’s maker, however.

  29. TREY MORGAN says:

    You guys got to find better subjects to chat about. I’m going to have to start coming over for the chats, just so I can keep my reputation in tact! :)

    Sounds like Karma came back and bit you … literally! ha

  30. Brie says:

    Nick-
    I giggled for ten minutes after reading about your meeting with the mouse.

    Thank you so much for sharing. :)

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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