TREY & LEA’S TOP 10 INTIMACY KILLERS

I love it when Lea and I read books together. Currently we’re reading the book, “Red Hot Monogamy – Making Your Marriage Sizzle”, by Bill & Pam Farrel. I’ll read a couple of chapters, she’ll read a couple of chapters, and then we’ll talk about the things we’ve read.

One of the things we talked about from the book this weekend was intimacy killers. You know, things that get in the way of being intimate. Intimacy killers on most lists are things like…

  • lying
  • loss of trust
  • inability to express your needs and feelings
  • not listening
  • being self-centered
  • angry arguments
  • lack of touch
  • lack of time

After talking about intimacy killers for a minute we decided that the above list didn’t fit us very well. So we decided to make our own list of intimacy killers that we have struggled with in our marriage. So without further ado, here is the first ever top 10 list that Lea has actually helped me to comprise. Trey and Lea’s top ten intimacy killers….

  1. Children
  2. Kids
  3. Offspring
  4. Babies (Thankfully we’re past this.)
  5. Toddlers (Past this one, too)
  6. Pre-teens
  7. Teenagers
  8. Niños (if you speak Spanish)
  9. Taylor, Parker, Connor & Cooper
  10. Yes, you guessed it, children

Okay, just so you know, we do believe our children are blessings in our lives and not burdens. But, after we finished our list we just laughed and laughed. I asked her if it would be okay to share our top ten list with the blogging world. She said, “Sure, go ahead.” God is sure good to me to put Lea in my life. I definitely married up!

Has your “intimacy killer’s” list ever resembled ours?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
25 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    Trey,
    i think you are right there with alot of couples. i know i feel the same way as the two of you. try having one of them in bed with you every nite and even moving them and they still come back.

  2. Monalea says:

    ……..then you get the kids raised and out of the house and you fall apart from old age……

    Monalea aka www

  3. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – We’ve fought the “kids in bed” thing too in the past. It’s not a good thing.

    Monalea – Thanks for making us all feel SO good today!!! :)

  4. That Girl says:

    Heck! We didn’t even have kids and the intimacy died!

  5. preacherman says:

    Trey,
    Great post brother.
    Keep up the great work brother!

  6. DJG says:

    The good news is that when they get married and have their own kids…you can add them to the list…

  7. Anonymous says:

    you are very blessed to have them!

  8. Anonymous says:

    intimacy will be when your last child moves out of the house, but by then your bones are to old to be intament. :) Trey send your boys to a football game once a week and your problem will be solved. 😉 You gonna start singing the Viva Song? Trey do you play any instraments? LOL

    Brandon Voss

  9. Anonymous says:

    Monalea does your nick www stand for White Wonderfull Woman?

    Brandon Voss

  10. Dwight says:

    Isn’t it ironic? The very process that gets kids here is hampered when they arrive! For all of you out there who think that by the time you get the kids out of the house that you’re too old to enjoy it…let me give you the straight skinny. It ain’t so! Brenda and I have been married for over four decades and our children range from their late twenties to their forties. It took a LONG TIME to have an empty nest. But lemme tell ya…intimacy continues and, like fine wine…er..cheese…just gets better with age.

  11. TREY MORGAN says:

    Brandon … let me give you a hint. She was in the Wizard of Oz. Need another hint? A house fell on her…. :)

    Dwight :)

  12. james says:

    Trey,

    Two comments:
    First, Kathy said, That is why she was so excited about buying a house with a lock on the master bedroom door.

    My intamacy killer is her in one state and me in another.

    (We will be returning to blogland soon)

    James

  13. lisa says:

    Wow — I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised about kids being on the list, but I’m wondering why my husband and I are different. I’m not sure we’d even put the kids on the list! (Maybe #10) What’s wrong with us? I identify with the book’s list more.

    This is NOT recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (or whatever it is), but I recommend letting your babies sleep with you until they’re about a year old and then … NEVER MORE!! We have never had a problem with any of our 3 children getting into bed with us. Whether or not that’s connected to us having them sleep with us as babies, I can’t say for sure.

    They’re also not bed-wetters, but I’m SURE that’s not related.

    Sorry, got off track there. (o; The biggest from the book’s list that get us are being self-centered, lack of touch, and especially lack of time. When we don’t spend time together throughout the day, the intimacy isn’t there (at least for me). My husband and I were closer than we’ve ever been when he had his first summer off. But since school has been back in session … well, you know.

  14. Kim says:

    I would have to say the number 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 intimacy killer is that men and women have different definitions of what intimacy is. That has been our experience anyway. When you blend your definitions the beauty of true intimacy shines through.

  15. TREY MORGAN says:

    James – I’ve been missing you guys. Hope you guys get settled in soon so you can hang out more often. Kathy is a smart lady.

    Lisa – Our kids never showed up in our beds till somewhere in the middle of the night. Then we’d let them go back to sleep and move them back to their own beds. It’s interesting how different intimacy killers show up in everyone’s marriage. Right now in kids are just what takes up most of mine and Lea’s time. That’s why we’ve tried so hard to sneak off for walks, lunch and things like date nights without kids, just so we can reconnect.

    Kim – I love your last sentence…

  16. Matthew says:

    I can relate, we love the kids too, but by 8:30, we are tired and want to rest. You have a great blog.

  17. ben overby says:

    I can totally relate. And my lovely wife likes to have out little dog on the corner to the bed whenever we hit the sack for “whatever” reason. He kills my intimacy. Two’s company. Three’s a crowd, even if he is a mut.

    Actually, lately I’ve convinced Kim that’s it’s better to leave him outside the bedroom door. I feel like Fred Flintstone kicking the saber tooth out. But a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do!

  18. Greg says:

    Kids … not a problem. My wife being a school teacher? I REALLY looked forward to Spring Break, Summer Months, and Christmas Vacation. For 9 months out of the year, it was precious memories.

  19. Monalea says:

    My kids slept with us forever, well it seemed like forever. We did the move them to their bed and sometime in the night they would creep back in. Eventually they started sleeping in their own bed. When they were 17, 16, 14, and 10 we had a really bad storm one night and they all came and got in our bed. Thankfully we had a king size waterbed. I don’t regret any of our time as a family when we bonded.

    Brandon Voss, my www stands for Wicked Witch of the West. This name was given to me by my dear, sweet, loving, kind, brother – Trey

    Monalea aka www

  20. Stephanie says:

    I can totally relate and understand. They are the biggest blessing, but they also know when to make their “entrance”. One of my older mentors always said….Make time for you both….even if it is watching a movie….reading a book….or just talking…make the time. That is harder than you think though. Atleast make an effort…

  21. Anonymous says:

    Gives Trey some water! 😉 I hope www doesn’t have a sister!

    Brandon Voss

    I guess I know whats shes dressing up for Holloween! lol

  22. Monalea says:

    Brandon,

    www does have a sister and you are supposed to be on my side, not Trey’s…..take that glass of water away from him or I’ll turn my flying monkeys loose on you!

    Sorry, I don’t get out much!

    Monalea

  23. Di says:

    Trey and gang, when I was working with middle schoolers in church, one Wednesday night one of the boys informed me that he had burst into his parent’s bedroom to find dad licking whip cream off mom’s stomach!

    Kids will say anything!

    Di

  24. Chris says:

    LOVED the list…

    And, as much as it pains me to say it, so much of our lives are lived around the children’s schedules that it feel like we have no time for one another.

    Does anyone else feel that way?

    I needed the laugh… THANKS…

  25. Anonymous says:

    my dad is full of all that the book said and if you can help it don't tell this to my mom or show it

    Bye
    <3,Lydia H.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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