As she sat in my office she was clearly angry and she had a right to be. Her husband had crossed the line. She’d caught him “sneaking a lustful peek” at another woman and she didn’t like it one bit. “What do I do?” she asked, “He’s supposed to be a Christian husband.” She put a put a big emphasis on the world “Christian” when she said it.
I agreed 100% with her that she had a right to be mad and that he didn’t need to be looking at women that were not his wife, but then something else came out that I didn’t expect. She made the comment that it had been months since they’d had any sexual activity together. I remember her giving me a weird look when I shockingly repeated the word “MONTHS?” She said, “Yes, lots of months.”
To make a long story short, come to find out her husband might have been sneaking a peek (which was still wrong) because she wasn’t interested in meeting any his sexual needs. She was making no effort to even sleep in the same room with him. I remember her saying, “I just have no desire to do that.” She looked even more angry when I said, “Do you not understand? It’s not all about you, and you are to blame just as much as he is for all this.”
Listen, I do not in any circumstance approve of husbands looking at someone other than their wives, BUT understand this, if you and your spouse want to remain strong in the face of sexual temptation, cultivate a healthy and intimate sexual relationship together. Paul said it this way, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7.3-5).
I’ve been worrying about adding this part, but it needs to be said. Too many times I’ve listened to wives whine about their husband’s struggles with lust when all along it was the wife who was starving their husbands sexually. Don’t starve your husbands and then berate them for their hunger. If you want to protect your husband, do what the Bible says – don’t deprive him, or you’ll make his struggle to be pure harder. You can do your part in keeping your husband from being vulnerable to sexual temptation.
Just like men need to eat to be strong physically, they also need sexual intimacy to be strong morally. I know this is an extremely touchy subject, but if the Bible talks about it maybe the church needs to also.