Here is something that is painful, scary and a little funny. But mostly scary.
The following are two ACTUAL job postings for ministry positions. The “Preacher Needed” one was found in a brotherhood paper and the other from a website for youth ministers. I’ve only modified a few tiny things to keep it anonymous.
DESCRIPTION: Responsible for managing three leadership teams for ages 11 years through 22 years old. Will meet with teams on regular basis to pray and plan activities and events.
REQUIREMENTS: Must love the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind and have a passion for young people coming to Jesus. Also, must be a minimum of 25 years old and married with a degree, from seminary or Bible college in biblical studies or currently in seminary or Bible college to obtain a degree. Must have at least one year proven experience as lay person or staff working with youth or must have served as a youth camp counselor or some equal experience for at least one year.
COMPENSATION: $150/week
(After I read these I went to my elders and thanked them for allowing me to be in Childress)
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 23 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
So Trey is searching for a new job, huh? Interesting….
Start something? Who? Me? Nah…
Sadly, neither of these surprises me in the least.
It would be hard to find a guy for the first job that wasn’t in it just for the money…
Very scary. And sadly true.
Trey – you could probably devote a whole blog to all the scary jobs and job listings for ministers. Interesting reading, and……SCARY!
“this church has very little to offer…”
amen! you can say that again!
The term “blood from a turnip” comes to mind.
Both of them should have said…volunteer needed…second one should have added with a “closed mind”.
Sorry…I will shut up now!
Is the $150 a week a Starbucks allowance?
About the second ad: they’ll get their man.
Gee Wally, how come Trey knows so much about preacher ads?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Whew, now that I got that off my chest I have nothing else to say.
Monalea
What? I don’t get it. What’s so scary?
Just kidding. But at least the guy getting into one of those positions knows right up front EXACTLY what he’s getting into.
Here is your key for interpreting these adds:
“sound”–must believe that Foy E. Wallace is the second coming of the Lord
“conservative”–we don’t even trust each other
“old path beliefs” all the way back to the 1940s
“Biblical…preaching” just use a lot of verses.
“sermon tapes on…”
IM–better be against it
MDR–better be against it
indwelling of HS–better be against it
“challenge of winning lost souls” you better baptize a bunch of people
“if you have the talent” if you don’t baptize a bunch of people, it’s your own stupid fault
I’m surprised you didn’t give a phone number or address for the second position as I’m sure there will be numerous good, sound preachers seeking that jewel of a job!
I think we should all pitch in $1 and place another crazy ad in the Christian Chronicle. Let’s make it as outrageous as possible and see who actually responds. Then, let’s list the names of the applicants in the next Chronicle as the “DO NOT HIRE!”
(btw, this isn’t an original idea. I’m pretty sure the authors of A Simple Church did the same thing.)
Brian – exactly what I was thinking. What point do each of those little “requests” make. And the sermons on the topics … Why not asked for lessons on Jesus, forgiveness or unity? Aren’t these good topics?
Not only are these ads scary…they’re just sad.
trey-
You want to know the sad part?
I’ve read worse and been rejected for positions just like these
I’ve probably been to both of these churches — yikes!
Trey– Man even my little church does better than that YM opening! I think I would be kicked out of that KJV though.. I cant understand that stuff.. Glad to get back on here and get a good laugh, it’s been a while. Hope things are well with ya man. – Zach
I copied and pasted the second into Google so I could get the address.
I’m printing my resume as I type. I have it written in KJe’s.
You should post that KJ-ese resume somewhere, Darin. I’d like to read it.
Nick
I know of a teeny congregation that paid what they could, and then the part-time preacher, who also worked a full-time secular job, occasionally wrote a check to put the check back into the basket. Giving it back wasn’t a job requirement.
There’s a reason I know this…
I loved reading everyone’s comments. They made me laugh. I think I will go and thank my elders too.
yeah, mike and i had a good (kind of nervous) laugh about this. . . oh too bad i didn’t find out about the mangroomer until now, mike just celebrated #31 and christmas (well, we all celebrated christmas, but you understand what i’m getting at).
Blink….blink….
What, they left out the line about the salary being lousy but the retirement benefits being awesome? I’m so dissappointed. Heh.
It’s like the line I’ve heard a few times- “Basically, they’re looking for someone about 40 years old, with a P.h.D, who’s been married 30 years or so, has 2.5 kids, has been preaching for at least 35 years, and doesn’t mind working for produce and the occasional chicken.”
I suppose if it was quite a nice chicken it wouldn’t be so bad.