SCARY MINISTRY JOBS

Here is something that is painful, scary and a little funny. But mostly scary.

The following are two ACTUAL job postings for ministry positions. The “Preacher Needed” one was found in a brotherhood paper and the other from a website for youth ministers. I’ve only modified a few tiny things to keep it anonymous.

FIRST LISTING
Title: Youth Minister, Part-Time

DESCRIPTION: Responsible for managing three leadership teams for ages 11 years through 22 years old. Will meet with teams on regular basis to pray and plan activities and events.

REQUIREMENTS: Must love the Lord God with all your heart, soul and mind and have a passion for young people coming to Jesus. Also, must be a minimum of 25 years old and married with a degree, from seminary or Bible college in biblical studies or currently in seminary or Bible college to obtain a degree. Must have at least one year proven experience as lay person or staff working with youth or must have served as a youth camp counselor or some equal experience for at least one year.

COMPENSATION: $150/week

SECOND LISTING
Title: Minister Needed

DESCRIPTION: Sound gospel preacher needed for a small conservative church of 10-15 members. We are a church with old path beliefs and need an evangelist to encourage us to grow.

REQUIREMENTS: We use the KJV only and would ask you to do also. We want Biblical and sound preaching ONLY. Please send resume and sermon tapes on the subjects instrumental music, marriage divorce and remarriage and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

SALARY: We are unable to support a man full-time at this time so you will need to provide your own salary. This church has very little to offer you but a challenge of winning lost souls. This is a great place to see if you have the talent to save the lost and to teach Biblical truths. Are you the man we’re looking for?

(After I read these I went to my elders and thanked them for allowing me to be in Childress)

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
25 Comments Post a Comment
  1. David says:

    So Trey is searching for a new job, huh? Interesting….

    Start something? Who? Me? Nah…

  2. Odgie says:

    Sadly, neither of these surprises me in the least.

  3. Tim Archer says:

    It would be hard to find a guy for the first job that wasn’t in it just for the money…

  4. merry says:

    Very scary. And sadly true.

  5. RAN says:

    Trey – you could probably devote a whole blog to all the scary jobs and job listings for ministers. Interesting reading, and……SCARY!

  6. blogprophet says:

    “this church has very little to offer…”

    amen! you can say that again!

  7. Alan Gable says:

    The term “blood from a turnip” comes to mind.

  8. donna says:

    Both of them should have said…volunteer needed…second one should have added with a “closed mind”.

    Sorry…I will shut up now!

  9. Frank Bellizzi says:

    Is the $150 a week a Starbucks allowance?

    About the second ad: they’ll get their man.

    Gee Wally, how come Trey knows so much about preacher ads?

  10. Monalea says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Whew, now that I got that off my chest I have nothing else to say.

    Monalea

  11. lisa says:

    What? I don’t get it. What’s so scary?

    Just kidding. But at least the guy getting into one of those positions knows right up front EXACTLY what he’s getting into. :)

  12. blogprophet says:

    Here is your key for interpreting these adds:

    “sound”–must believe that Foy E. Wallace is the second coming of the Lord

    “conservative”–we don’t even trust each other

    “old path beliefs” all the way back to the 1940s

    “Biblical…preaching” just use a lot of verses.

    “sermon tapes on…”
    IM–better be against it
    MDR–better be against it
    indwelling of HS–better be against it

    “challenge of winning lost souls” you better baptize a bunch of people

    “if you have the talent” if you don’t baptize a bunch of people, it’s your own stupid fault

  13. Greg says:

    I’m surprised you didn’t give a phone number or address for the second position as I’m sure there will be numerous good, sound preachers seeking that jewel of a job!

  14. Philip Murphy says:

    I think we should all pitch in $1 and place another crazy ad in the Christian Chronicle. Let’s make it as outrageous as possible and see who actually responds. Then, let’s list the names of the applicants in the next Chronicle as the “DO NOT HIRE!”

    (btw, this isn’t an original idea. I’m pretty sure the authors of A Simple Church did the same thing.)

  15. TREY MORGAN says:

    Brian – exactly what I was thinking. What point do each of those little “requests” make. And the sermons on the topics … Why not asked for lessons on Jesus, forgiveness or unity? Aren’t these good topics?

  16. mmlace says:

    Not only are these ads scary…they’re just sad.

  17. AncientWanderer says:

    trey-
    You want to know the sad part?

    I’ve read worse and been rejected for positions just like these 😉

  18. David Kirk says:

    I’ve probably been to both of these churches — yikes!

  19. Zach Detwiler says:

    Trey– Man even my little church does better than that YM opening! I think I would be kicked out of that KJV though.. I cant understand that stuff.. Glad to get back on here and get a good laugh, it’s been a while. Hope things are well with ya man. – Zach

  20. Darin L. Hamm says:

    I copied and pasted the second into Google so I could get the address.

    I’m printing my resume as I type. I have it written in KJe’s.

  21. Falantedios says:

    You should post that KJ-ese resume somewhere, Darin. I’d like to read it.

    Nick

  22. nedra says:

    I know of a teeny congregation that paid what they could, and then the part-time preacher, who also worked a full-time secular job, occasionally wrote a check to put the check back into the basket. Giving it back wasn’t a job requirement.

    There’s a reason I know this… :-)

  23. Matthew says:

    I loved reading everyone’s comments. They made me laugh. I think I will go and thank my elders too.

  24. Timbra Wiist Owner/Photographer says:

    yeah, mike and i had a good (kind of nervous) laugh about this. . . oh too bad i didn’t find out about the mangroomer until now, mike just celebrated #31 and christmas (well, we all celebrated christmas, but you understand what i’m getting at).

  25. Brie says:

    Blink….blink….

    What, they left out the line about the salary being lousy but the retirement benefits being awesome? I’m so dissappointed. Heh.

    It’s like the line I’ve heard a few times- “Basically, they’re looking for someone about 40 years old, with a P.h.D, who’s been married 30 years or so, has 2.5 kids, has been preaching for at least 35 years, and doesn’t mind working for produce and the occasional chicken.”

    I suppose if it was quite a nice chicken it wouldn’t be so bad.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • good list. Don't forget Nickelback, OJ, ISIS and beer-throwing Blue Jay fans.
  • He was pretty tough to listen to as well.
  • As crazy as it might sound, Chris Collinsworth just might be worse to listen to than the song Christmas Shoes.
  • Please remember that some Christmas music is incredibly offensive to people with grandmothers who actually were run over by reindeer.
  • Unfortunately, not a great night for "bobcats." :)

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