REDNECK WEDDINGS AND COUNTRY MUSIC

Being from Texas, I’ve found out that most people automatically think you’re a redneck and that you listen to Country music. Although I like NASCAR I’m really not a redneck, and I’ve never been a big fan of Country music. But I must admit Country music has the best song titles ever. So since we haven’t had much fun on the blog this week I thought I’d poke-fun (ever heard that phrase) at those who are really redneck country music fans.

Top 10 Signs You’re at a Redneck Wedding:

  1. Your rehearsal dinner held at the Waffle House.
  2. Instead of “Friends of the bride or friends of the groom?” ushers ask “Ford Or Chevy?”
  3. Bridesmaids: Pink Tube Tops; Groomsmen: Travis Tritt T-Shirts
  4. Phrase “I Do” replaced by “I Heard That.”
  5. Tender rendition of “The Wedding Song” performed by Hank Williams Jr.
  6. When the minister asks “Who giveth this woman to be married”… some guy in the back stands up and hollers “Earnhardt! Yee Haw”
  7. Reception conversation includes the phrase, “So what have you been doing since Hee Haw has been off the air?”
  8. Snack trays at reception: Vienna sausages and Nacho Cheese Doritos
  9. Plans for the honeymoon include tickets to the monster truck rally & NASCAR racing at Talladega.
  10. Sign in front of the church: No Shirt… No Shoes… No Problem!

10 Actual Country Music Song Titles:

  1. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  2. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth, Cause I m Kissing You Good-bye
  3. She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
  4. You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
  5. I’m Still Missing You Baby, But My Aim’s Gettin Better
  6. I Wouldn’t Take Her To a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win
  7. I’m So Miserable Without You, It s Like Having You Here
  8. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I’d Be Out By Now
  9. Mama Get a Hammer, There’s a Fly On Papa’s Head
  10. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him

10 Country Music Songs I’d Like to Write and Sing to Lea (if I actually liked Country music):

  1. She Thinks My Preaching is Sexy
  2. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow Them All On You
  3. Honey, Don’t Let Your Negligee Turn Into a Flannel Nightgown
  4. Baby If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
  5. Wake Me Up When There’s a Wreck (The NASCAR Ballad)
  6. If You Were a Booger, I’d Pick you First
  7. Jesus, Take the Wheel ‘Cause There’s a Smokey on My Tail
  8. If You Leave, Please Don’t Take My NIV.
  9. Nobody is Look’n, So Scoot Over and Let’s Snuggle on the Church Pew
  10. I’ll Like Your NASCAR Driver When the Waffle House Decides to Close

Romantic aren’t I? I know what you’re probably thinking, “Lea sure is a lucky girl to have Trey for a husband.” :)

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
32 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Zach Detwiler says:

    Thats the funniest thing I have heard all day! Hope all with well with you this morning man.. Have a good one.

  2. Neva says:

    When we were “not dating”, Ned emailed me a true account of a redneck wedding. If I can ever find it among the stuff–I will email it your way. How is our favorite sister today?
    Still praying

    Love
    N
    As far as romantic, you and Ned are right up there. One day, in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun came up, when we were first married, he looked at me and ever so tenderly said, “You are so beautiful, I love to look at you in the dark”

    Aint he the silver tongued devil?
    :)
    n

  3. Bob Bliss says:

    Yee haw! If that doesn’t dunk your hat in the creek (or crick) I don’t know what will.

    I’d like to know the artists that sang each of those titles.

  4. Odgie says:

    For my money, the greatest country song title ever is “Aint No Trash In My Trailer Since I Kicked You Out”

  5. Jeanne M. says:

    Thanks for the terrific laugh. Have only heard one of those actual Country Music Songs – “Mama, Get a Hammer – There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head.” I can guess why there are NASCAR songs on your list to write, but cannot believe Lea would find any of them “romantic.” You are a scream!

  6. Alan Gable says:

    So? What have you been doing since HeeHaw went off the air?

    This post is finer than a frog hair split 3 ways.

  7. Sherry Fisher says:

    Trey…you made me laugh out loud at work! Now my coworkers think I’m crazy…oh wait…that happened years ago. Nevermind.

    I love the “I’d pick you first” song title…your wife is one lucky chick that is fur shure!!

    Thanks for the laughs. I needed them today!

  8. Anonymous says:

    hehehehehhehehehehehehehe

    brian

  9. Falantedios says:

    ”If I’d Shot Her When I Met Her (I’d Be Outta Jail by Now) is by Diesel Doug and the Long Haul Truckers, along with ”I’d Like to Quit Drinkin’ (But I Live Over a Bar).”

    How about “My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart”

    or

    “Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed”

    I’ll leave you with these two classics-

    You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too

    Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goal Posts Of Life

    enjoy!

    nick

  10. Greg says:

    Being from Alabama, I don’t really see the humor of this post. I think you’ve made fun of some very serious life issues! :)

  11. lisa says:

    Oh my.

  12. jel says:

    What Greg, said, But I’m from Missouri!

  13. jel says:

    I’m not a redneck , I’m HILLBILLY
    and PROUD of my Country roots!! 😛

  14. Anonymous says:

    Lol! This is fabulous Trey! Thanks for the laughs.

    I’m going to go to bed and ask God to send me someone as romantic as you. Lol, poor Lea!! :)

    Miss you,
    Caleta May

  15. Emma says:

    OHHHH my gosh! That cracks me up…..I love it!

  16. NB says:

    Thanks for the laughs! :)

  17. DJG says:

    You talk a good game but really, can you be a “REAL Nascar fan” and be for Jeff Gordon!

  18. mmlace says:

    Those are all hilarious! Thanks!

  19. Anonymous says:

    if you leave don’t take my NIV

    hahahhahhahahahahahhah

    -Paula

  20. Anonymous says:

    That’s just wrong!! I “resemble” this post!

    And you forgot the songs by Cletus T. Judd, “I love NASCAR!” and there’s “Did I shave my back for this?”

    And, hey..Mr. Gordon fan…you are a REDNECK..like it or not! :)

    GO 17!!!!

  21. David says:

    Stage I Redneck: Denial

  22. preacherman says:

    This is so funny Trey. LOL. I am so glad I put my coffee down when I read this one! :-) Great post brohter.

  23. James says:

    Will someone please define the difference between, ‘redneck’, ‘trailer trash’ and ‘hillbilly’? They are the lower strata I am more of a country person. Trey you obviously don’t have the country sound down as your suggested song @ 1 would be ‘ She thinks my Preachin’s Sexy”. We don’t need to many letters. Nuff said,
    James

    Here’s a couple for ya, “May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose”. Two that I relate to “The Only Man That Could ever Reach Me, Was the Son of a Preacherman”; “You Big Mouth Woman – You Long Legged ‘Preacher’ Man”.
    Kathy

    [Kathy dictated that and I typed what she told me. I think it would have looked different had she written it herself but that is my articulate ‘redneck girl’. That was one of my favorite songs.]

  24. James says:

    btw, where we at with the tree? I have been tryin to keep up but missed something. Did you get to put it up?

    James

  25. preacherman says:

    I have been keeping your sister in my prayers brother. Hope all is going well.

  26. Stacie says:

    Still laughing!!!
    Missing your sister in blog world, tell her we are still praying and hope she can get to a computer soon.

  27. TREY MORGAN says:

    Thanks for the prayers sent Monalea’s way. She was heading home yesterday when I talked to her. I’m sure she’ll update you on her blog soon.

    As for the Christmas tree. Looks like it’s going up next weekend. Yee Haw. She’s a good wife. The final vote on the poll was 54 for and 48 against.

  28. Keith Brenton says:

    You missed a couple or three of my favorites:

    “I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or Just Go Bowling”

    “I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front of Me Than to Have A Frontal Lobotomy”

    “I Used To Kiss You On The Lips, But It’s All Over Now”

  29. Dee O'Neil Andrews says:

    I might have known Keith Brenton was a redneck! I like your songs, Keith. Especially (and this one is really romantic, Trey, if you think of it the right way) the one “I Used To Kiss You On The Lips, But It’s All Over Now!”

    Funny post. Thanks!

    Now drop by Finding Direction: The Wind Vane Chronicles and share with us every day for 26 alphabet days what you are thankful for in comment. We’re having fun there too in a more “productive” manner!

    This post was too funny. I love it!

    Dee

  30. Neva says:

    Mr. Neva is a dyed in the wool, born and bred, and proud of it, hickabilly. A whole new society, believe me!

    Peace
    neva

  31. Roadtripray says:

    Okay, our rehearsal dinner wasn’t at the Waffle House, but my wife likes to tease me about taking her to Huddle House on our Honeymoon. For those who don’t know, Huddle House is a smaller chain that is not quite as highbrow as a Waffle House.

    — Ray

  32. Dianne says:

    You can tell you’re a Redneck when:
    “You have 4 matching salad bowls … and they all say COOL WHIP!”
    (not sure how that could become a song?)

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • He was pretty tough to listen to as well.
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  • Chin up Childress Bobcats. We couldn't be prouder. Great fight tonight.

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