PUTTING YOUR MARRIAGE BEFORE YOUR KIDS

When it comes to marriage, Lea and I struggle with the same things you struggle with. We often find ourselves taking one another for granted for the sake of less important things. Things like busyness, ministries, work and hobbies will always crowd a marriage for time, but I think the biggest challenge for any marriage, including ours, is balancing marriage and raising children. This is especially a struggle when you have young children.

I firmly believe that the ONLY thing that should be more important than your marriage is your relationship with God. Raising your children should be of the utmost importance, but not to the degree that you put your relationship with your husband/wife on the back burner. One couple recently said this about their marriage, “We don’t have a marriage. We have a business. We make money, pay bills and raise kids, period.” How sad!

I’m amazed at how many people justify putting their marriages on the back burner for their children’s sake. If you invest all your energies into your children and none into your marriage, your marriage will struggle to survive when the kids are grown. What happens is, once the kids are grown, you’ll look across the table at your marriage partner and realize you really don’t have anything in common anymore.

So to keep your marriage happy and healthy, you’re going to have to be willing to invest time in it. Finding time to reconnect in your marriage is healthy. Lea and I strongly feel that raising our boys takes lots of time and energy, but not to the point that we lose the healthiness of our marriage. We personally feel that we must reconnect regularly for our marriage to remain healthy. Sometimes we reconnect in our marriage by simply …

  • Making time a couple of times a week to go for a 30 minute walk together.
  • Going on a date once a week and trying to talk about things other than just the kids.
  • Calling home from work just to say “hello.”
  • Spending twenty minutes at a Sonic drive-up just to talk.
  • Having lunch together.
  • Going grocery shopping together.
  • And it’s very healthy when we can occasionally spend a night away somewhere or have a whole weekend away.

Our children are SO important in our lives, and we should be investing a ton of time into the ministry of parenthood. But our children also need to see their parents display a healthy marriage, and for that to happen it takes investing time. That’s why finding ways to reconnect is so important.

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
13 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Tim Archer says:

    I'm sure you did great on Kim's program. Thanks for all you do to promote the health of our families!

    Grace and peace,
    Tim Archer

  2. Karin says:

    Great post! With 44 years of marriage behind us, I can definitely say you are absolutely right!!! Thanks for teaching and mentoring couples!

  3. Carolyn says:

    Once again, Trey, an AWESOME post. I think many of us get "caught up" in raising our children and taking time out for them, that we forget to take time out for our spouse(and ourselves). Your list of ways to "reconnect" are great. Thanks for sharing! Also, sorry I missed you on the radio…I'm sure you inspired many out there. GOD BLESS!

  4. Scott says:

    Trey, you are spot on! Your relationship with your spouse comes second only to God. I will never forget how angry a young mother was when she first heard me say that. She could not believe that Amy or i would put each other before our precious child.

    Thanks for the reminders

  5. Stoogelover says:

    We find ourselves helping more and more to help our son out since they are raising three children, all under three! (Twins and a 2-1/2-year-old) It's almost as if we're raising kids again (at times) and I'm finding it often interferes with my relationship with my wife. Creates a bit of conflict now and then, but I don't know that our son would have any time to spend on his marriage if we were not helping.

    Good words, Trey.

  6. vanilla says:

    and what your kids remember when you are 75 and hoping to reconnect with them: "You always did stuff with (Mom, Dad) and never had time to do what (I, we) wanted." Implication: so why should I have time for you now?

  7. That Girl says:

    I once mentioned to my mother that as a child, I knew that Daddy was more important than my brother and I were. She answered, "Of course, he is! I knew I only had to live with you for about 20 years – I had to live with him for the rest of my life!" It was funny but they always gave me a wonderful example of what a great marriage should be like.

  8. Joshua Tucker says:

    Vanilla – Trey is not promoting not spending time with your kids, just not at the expense of your marriage. I happen to know that Trey spends a lot of time with and talks with his kids very often. He even wrote "raising your children should be of utmost importance."He's just saying that you can't let your marriage become less of a priority in the process of being a good parent. It's Biblical, and it makes sense.

  9. TREY MORGAN says:

    Vanilla … Josh said it well. It's about priority … both take priorities, just don't put your marriage on hold for the sake of raising your children. It's about correct balance.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Oh, Vanilla, how sad if at 75 you haven't a strong relationship with your mate – if he or she is still living. The children will always need you in some capacity, but if your marriage is loving and strong, and the children learn to make their own marriages strong from seeing the good example, then you can count yourself blessed. They will not turn against you. There won't be any need to "reconnect." My almost 60 years with the love of my life is still strong through my children, though I have to go on alone. Jeanne M.

  11. vanilla says:

    Josh & Trey, I appreciate your responses, which, of course, are spot on. This old man sometimes gets a bit cranky and lets his contrarian side show.

    I should remind myself more often of the scriptural injunction to "let your yea be yea," etc.

  12. Anonymous says:

    As an older woman who raised a big family, I knew that my husband and I didn't have much alone time together. We sqeezed in everything we could though. The children are grown now and busy with their families. I guess we did something right as we still enjoy being home and doing what little we can do. We are happy & God is ever present. Good post, you are right on.

  13. Dean S says:

    Nice practical article on improving marriage. Thanks.
    Dean

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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