Most of the time I write a post, I get some comments and a few days later the post is forgotten. But, there are times when you touch a nerve on a topic and the post seems to grow and take a life of it’s own.
Over a month ago I did a post on “Men and Sex” and how husband’s deal with sexual temptation. I talked about how important it is that wives help in fulfilling their husband’s sexual needs and how pornography is unhealthy in marriage. That post still continues to get tons of daily visitors and it also continues to get comments, something that usually doesn’t happen with old posts.
The biggest nerve that I touched with that post is the idea that pornography in marriage is unhealthy. For the past 4 weeks my email inbox has been full of letters from people who have had their marriages damaged by pornography. I was asked by the writer of the following email to please share with others her story about the dangers of pornography in marriage. Here it is …
I just want to say thank you for your recent posts on pornography. I greatly appreciate the woman in your most recent post on this subject, without even trying she has encouraged me to stand and not be afraid to speak out against it.
For me these posts are important for several reasons and I feel that if you know how much these topics can help people you will be encouraged to continue to discuss it. I was shown pornography the 1st time when I was 5 years old. The image of that magazine picture is burned in my memory. It was my older brother who showed it to me. 3 years later he began violating me, he did so until I was 15. A short time later he died and I never got the satisfaction of a face off with my abuser. I feel now, many years later, that God delivered me from him. I’m only telling you this to explain that it all started with pornography. It might have happened anyway…but I can’t excuse the fact that he was “grooming” his 5 year old sister with it. Who could ignore that?
Pornography was basically always a part of my life. All through my growing up years my brothers always had it around, hidden in secret places that I always found. My friend’s fathers had it hidden around their homes too. I saw way too much of it growing up. So when I married a man that used it I didn’t think that much about it. I actually believed all men used it and it was just normal. I grew up in the church, my parents were always faithful and pretty involved, I was always seeking out God and trying to learn more and do better….even in the midst of my adversity. So how did I not know that “all men” don’t use it? Because it wasn’t talked about, that’s how.
If it had been talked about, I might not have married the man I did. I full well knew that he used it, in fact it wasn’t just magazines it was videos, really, really sick videos, the stuff I think must be what they classify as “hard porn”. I turned my head to it and let it happen. While I was wasn’t looking he began abusing me. I didn’t even see it for a long time. It started very gradually and has worked its way through our marriage to the point that I am trying to leave him now. I am abused daily…emotionally, verbally and physically. Some people that truly know my situation would even say sexually abused, although I have a hard time admitting that…I just don’t want to believe that could happen a second time in my life. I don’t know from day to day if I will stay or go. It’s serious enough that I could call the police and have him arrested at any given time. It has taken many months of counseling from a good friend to just be able to hold up my head and fight back to save myself. He has helped me see also that pornography is at the root of all the evil things in my life. Its the common denominator from my childhood and now my life as an adult.
I don’t write any of this lightly. I don’t make a habit out of telling strangers about my troubled life. But I feel so strongly now that porn has led me down this path…I have to speak up. I can’t remain silent. If otherwise good men knew the dangers that lurked in those pages, on that video, they may think twice before picking it up. If young girls knew how demoralizing it is and how men sometimes treat their wives because of it…they may think twice about marrying them…I hope that they would. If I had known better, I could have done better. So please…don’t stop talking about it. Encourage others to talk about it too. There is a lot of bad things that come from pornography…a lot. The church needs to know that…the world needs to know that.
Thank you for the insightful posts you put on your blog. I appreciate the view point you provide your readers.
(Comment of the Day: Charlie said…
I ve been there and Ill never go back!!! I have had it in my marriage and it nearly destroyed my life and a marriage for 10 years . If you really call yourself a man,a husband, a father,most of all CHRISTIAN then you need to stop ,before it destroys your soul .Think about how it affects our children,if you have daughters like I do , those girls involved in porn, they are someone’s else’s daughters. And our sons, they treat women based on our example. Where’s our integrity?Great post!!