Last week I did a post on “Sex and Men,” (read it here) and the difficulties of staying pure in your marriage. While the post dealt more about men staying pure, a nerve was touched when I mentioned pornography in marriage. I received countless emails from people shouting the dangers of pornography in marriage from their first hand experiences. I asked one kind lady if I could share her letter and she told me I could. This is just another example of how pornography can kill marriage and innocence.
I’ve been in prayer about your “Men and Sex” posting on the blog. I’m a little defensive towards the view that porn is okay.
I hesitated in posting a comment, not sure why, and need to explore that. That being said, as you know, I lost a marriage of 25 years to pornography/sexual addiction.
The fact remains that pornography destroys the intimacy in a marriage. It brings a “third” party into the bedroom and in time totally erodes the relationship as God intended between man and wife. Any wife who is complicit in the participation might do so for a myriad of reasons. I for one, when asked to perform specific requests by my husband, believed what he told me…that this is “exploration of ourselves”, that its okay with God what he and I did in the bedroom as long as both people agreed with the activity. What I didn’t know was he was addicted to porn and what I was doing was helping him recreate whatever video/pictures were in his head. I just thought I was being a ‘dutiful wife”. There’s a big difference between exploration of different activities, but if the husband pressures the wife, asks her to participate in watching the pornography, it should be a huge red flag. I lost my spiritual, child-like innocence because of it. Satan lives in pornography.
The physical act of intercourse is a SPIRITUAL act, a physical manifestation of love that God created….but introduction of pornography is the beginning of the end. Porn rarely stays at the same level, meaning it demands the guy ramp up on the scale. What excites/entices him today will loose the desired effect, the thrill will take more to be achieved. The porn becomes more explicit and deviant. And so is the cycle goes into sexual addiction.
I could go on and on about this, and I’m prayerfully asking God to use me as He wants in helping husbands and wives to see the dangers of pornography. My world was torn asunder, my heart broken in a way to never be repaired. Yes, God can heal. But the scars are forever….
Much love to you and Lea,