PORNOGRAPHY AND MARRIAGE

Last week I did a post on “Sex and Men,” (read it here) and the difficulties of staying pure in your marriage. While the post dealt more about men staying pure, a nerve was touched when I mentioned pornography in marriage. I received countless emails from people shouting the dangers of pornography in marriage from their first hand experiences. I asked one kind lady if I could share her letter and she told me I could. This is just another example of how pornography can kill marriage and innocence.

Dear Trey,

I’ve been in prayer about your “Men and Sex” posting on the blog. I’m a little defensive towards the view that porn is okay.

I hesitated in posting a comment, not sure why, and need to explore that. That being said, as you know, I lost a marriage of 25 years to pornography/sexual addiction.

The fact remains that pornography destroys the intimacy in a marriage. It brings a “third” party into the bedroom and in time totally erodes the relationship as God intended between man and wife. Any wife who is complicit in the participation might do so for a myriad of reasons. I for one, when asked to perform specific requests by my husband, believed what he told me…that this is “exploration of ourselves”, that its okay with God what he and I did in the bedroom as long as both people agreed with the activity. What I didn’t know was he was addicted to porn and what I was doing was helping him recreate whatever video/pictures were in his head. I just thought I was being a ‘dutiful wife”. There’s a big difference between exploration of different activities, but if the husband pressures the wife, asks her to participate in watching the pornography, it should be a huge red flag. I lost my spiritual, child-like innocence because of it. Satan lives in pornography.

The physical act of intercourse is a SPIRITUAL act, a physical manifestation of love that God created….but introduction of pornography is the beginning of the end. Porn rarely stays at the same level, meaning it demands the guy ramp up on the scale. What excites/entices him today will loose the desired effect, the thrill will take more to be achieved. The porn becomes more explicit and deviant. And so is the cycle goes into sexual addiction.

I could go on and on about this, and I’m prayerfully asking God to use me as He wants in helping husbands and wives to see the dangers of pornography. My world was torn asunder, my heart broken in a way to never be repaired. Yes, God can heal. But the scars are forever….
Much love to you and Lea,

Anonymous

(Anonymous – No telling how many marriages you’ve helped today by sharing your letter. I applaud you for your courage. I continue to keep you in my prayers.)

For those who might want more on the issues of pornography and marriage, here are some more links:

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
9 Comments Post a Comment
  1. chrisclouse says:

    Trey (my much YOUNGER brother in Christ),

    I appreciate your willingness to address the taboo issues, the ones we never address publically. I also appreciate the sharing of this letter and the openness of the one who wrote it.

    I have become a firm believer that we have hidden behind masks for far too long in the church and will only experience true growth as a body and individuals whenever we begin to remove the masks and embrace one another for who we are — sinners saved by grace.

    I will continue to pray for your efforts through this blog. Keep up the good work.

  2. karin says:

    Thank you to the anonymous writer of the letter! That took a lot of courage and will be a blessing to those who heed the warnings.

    There was an article in our city journal entitled, “Mormons discover joy of sex, but only with a spouse.” I wrote a letter which was then published in the same paper.

    Re: Mormons discover joy of sex, but only with a spouse.

    “The joy of sex within the context of marriage between a husband and wife was our Creator’s original intent and remains so to this day. When we take it upon ourselves to ‘improve’ on a perfect design, however, we invariably make a mess of things. Sexual deviations and perversions may briefly satisfy lust, but leave a profound emptiness of soul, which begs for more and more of the same unrewarding activities, invariably followed by a deadly downward spiral of bondage from which it is difficult to escape.

    Why so many have headaches, become unfaithful, get into pornography, use sex to control their spouse, lose their playfulness when the children arrive, are always too tired, feel guilty and dirty, and deny themselves this ultimate joy within their marriage, I’ll never figure out. There is absolutely no ceiling on the pleasure a husband and wife can experience when they are committed to each other’s happiness! It’s guilt free, fulfilling, thrilling ecstasy! And it’s not only for Mormons.”

    Will continue to pray for those caught in that deadly spiral.

    Keep up the good work.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I too appreciate your discussion of the topic – and I appreciate the willingness of your anonymous writer to share her story.

    My marriage was also plagued with pornography and sexual addiction, and I agree with your writer’s comments about it destroying the intimacy of a marriage.

    I have spent many years in a group for friends and families of sex addicts, and have heard the same story countless times.

    I fear the problem is more prevalent than anyone could know, and certainly more prevalent than we care to admit.

    Thank you for bringing this topic into the light.

  4. cwinwc says:

    My admiration and respect to our letter writer and to you Trey for addressing a problem that knows no boudaries. Satan’s untimate (to borrow a term from the Cold War) “5th Colunm” is the easy access of porn into our homes to destroy our families and even our churches from within.

  5. Terry says:

    Another good web site would be http://www.familylife.com. Good post, brother!

  6. Joshua Tucker says:

    Amen Trey.

    http://www.xxxchurch.com is another good one (the name is misleading, it’s against pornography).

    One of the things the site points out is the enormous cultural shift in pornography. 50 years ago pornography, while a temptation, was harder to get to. You had to actually go to a store and buy a video or magazine. You had to give effort to find it.

    Flash forward to now, and times are much different. Pornography is easily available on any tv or computer with the click of a button, and sometimes without it (dirty emails, pop-ups etc.)

    Whereas one had to give effort to find pornography in the past, one actually has to give effort to AVOID it now. It’s everywhere.

    Since this is true, we can’t be careful enough about avoiding it… at all costs.

  7. Stoogelover says:

    Yes, you have brought up several very sensitive areas in your blog and always with integrity and commitment to the Lord. I, too, appreciate so very much the letter and the willingness on the part of that dear lady to share a very tragic part of her life so that others might be spared the pain.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I have read your blog for quite some time, and while there have been many posts to which I agree, this touched deeply.

    I too had a husband who involved himself with pornography from the very beginning. As your writer described, it was the end of our relationship from the very beginning of our wedding vows.

    After 20+ years of marriage, he walked away leaving everyone he’d known – including his children and friends. It came to light following our divorce that the pornography led him to explore with other women all throughout our marriage.

    The tangled web of deception that the enemy weaves through this doesn’t just impact the involved spouse, but every other relationship, including children, parents, siblings,etc. The enemy seeks to rob, destroy and kill all relationships – and this is one of the adversary’s best tools.

    God has brought incredible healing to my life and the life of my children. There are still wounds that many years later manifest themselves and still need healing. I am grateful that God is patient and His greatest desire is to see us whole!

    Thank you for allowing us space to share our stories and for the tenderness and compassion, yet boldness for addressing this topic!

    Blessings!!

  9. Anonymous says:

    Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
    Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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