Intimacy Killers in Marriage

Intimacy is both physical and emotional closeness in marriage. Being physically intimate is what leads to emotional intimacy and is what God talked about in Genesis 2 when he said, “… and the two (husband & wife) shall become one flesh.” Intimacy should be one of the strengths and cornerstones of your marriage. One of the struggles of our marriages is how to keep intimacy strong and how to keep intimacy killers out of your marriage.

The “serious” intimacy killers that do the most damage are things like…

  1. lying
  2. technology
  3. loss of trust
  4. inability to express your needs and feelings
  5. not listening
  6. daily separate lives
  7. being self-centered
  8. angry arguments
  9. lack of touch
  10. lack of time

Lea and I always laugh and say that our 10 biggest intimacy killers are the following …

  1. Children
  2. Kids
  3. Offspring
  4. Babies (Thankfully we’re past this.)
  5. Toddlers (Past this one, too)
  6. Pre-teens
  7. Teenagers
  8. Niños (if you speak Spanish)
  9. Taylor, Parker, Connor & Cooper
  10. Yes, you guessed it, children.

Okay, just so you know, we do believe our children are blessings in our lives and not burdens. We love our children with all our hearts, but at the same time, we work extra hard to have “us” time in our marriage. Here are a few things that have helped with the “children” intimacy killers …

  • We work hard to eat together by ourselves several times a week.
  • We have a lock on our bedroom door.
  • We’ve always encouraged our children to sleep in their own beds … not in ours.
  • After our children leave for school, we take a little time every morning to drink a cup of coffee together.

Those are just little things … but very important things. God is sure good to me to put Lea in my life. I definitely married up!

I’m curious … does your “intimacy killers” list resembled ours?

Skinny Dip’n at the Neighbors

I was riding around with my two youngest boys a while back when they said …

“Dad, can we get a hot tub … we never get to hot tub?”

My response was, “Boys, we don’t need a hot tub … we’ve got something better … we’ve got friends with hot tubs. Wanna go right now? The ‘Smiths’ are out of town until tomorrow and they’ve said we’re welcome to come anytime.”

“Dad,” they said, “That’s an awesome idea, let’s go get our suits,”

Thinking it’d be fun to teach my boys a bit about my childhood … I responded with confidence, “Boys, when I was a kid and we found a swimming hole, we’d just strip down and go. We don’t need a swimming suit … besides its almost dark and I’m not going all away across town for suits when we are 2 blocks away.”

A little apprehensive, they said, “You sure, Dad?”

“Sure,” I said, “No worries.”

A few minutes later we were enjoying a nice relaxing tub when … you guessed it … out the back door walks “Ms Smith.” Yip, they decided to come home a day early from their vacation.

I just hope my boys learned a valuable lesson that day … don’t listen to Dad when it comes to things like skinny dipping.

 

What Do You Feed a Bunch of Texas Kids? How About 135 Biscuits!

The Morgan family had a great Christmas break. Two full weeks of playing, eating, visiting and having fun. As my kids get older, I’m beginning to realize that what makes Christmas special is not the gifts, but everyone getting to be home.  We were blessed to get to have Taylor home for a full 16 days … and we enjoyed every minute.  Tomorrow we take him back to the airport so he can go back to basic training for another 8 weeks. Here are a few pictures…

Everyone enjoyed having Taylor home for Christmas.

We had lots of company during the holidays. Taylor’s and Parker’s friends were all over and they asked that I fix them biscuits and sausage gravy for supper one night.  When you’re feeding a bunch of hungry 20 year olds … you better have a lot.

Two big pans of sausage gravy.

They cleaned up 135 biscuits.

I hope your holidays were good too. Many blessings … ~ Trey

10 Marriage Resolutions

  1. Spend more time together. Make a commitment to spend more time together this year. One of the best things you can do is commit to a weekly date night with your spouse. This may take you sitting down together with your spouse and planning out your schedule.
  2. Brag on your spouse regularly. Any old lame critic can pick out someone’s faults; instead focus on pointing out your spouse’s strengths.
  3. Be more sexual. Touch, flirt, hug and have sex together. Make your marriage sizzle, and as one author put it, “A married couple’s sex-life is a great measuring stick of how their relationship is doing.” A healthy sex-life most often equals a healthy marriage. A wise wife will MAKE the time to do this … the foolish wife will just WISH there was more time for this to happen.
  4. Pray together. Men, this is where you MUST step up and be a man. Take the lead on this and do it. Your wife will love you for it.
  5. Don’t be historical. Fight fair. Don’t bring up past hurts and things you’ve already forgiven your spouse of.
  6. Check in. It’s respectful to check with your spouse and let them know where you are, what you are doing and when you might be home.
  7. Have one meal a day together. Turn off the electronics and just visit with your spouse and your children.
  8. Don’t go to bed angry with one another. Simple enough.
  9. Love Biblically.Here’s where you find the definition of love … Biblically.
  10. Forgive. The key to being successful in real estate is location, location, location. The key to being successful in marriage is forgiveness, forgiveness, forgiveness. Marriage is made up of two imperfect faulty people. We make mistakes … so learn to forgive.

If it’s alright … I suggest you pick 2-3 that you are NOT already doing and start doing them this year.  Bless your marriage.

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE MORGAN’S 2011

‘Twas the night before Christmas and up before the sun, was Trey Morgan to get his morning run.

The rest of us Morgan’s were all snug in our beds, while visions of the World Series still danced in our heads.

The year 2011 brought lots of change and fun, and the Morgan Family found themselves always on the run.

In June was a trip to Tampa to watch the Rangers play the Rays, it was a good getaway for Trey & Lea to escape a little of the craze.

A trip to the mountains and trips to Honduras … a house built in memory of Lea’s mom was very special to us.

As for Cooper he keeps growing by leaps and by bounds, if there is a video game on, he’s nowhere to be found.

Connor, our sophomore, is getting handsome and tall,  he loves his friends, his family and playing basketball.

College continues for Parker. One day a graduate he’ll make, but he’d gladly trade his books for a fishing pole and a lake!

Taylor is now Private Morgan, a decision not made on a whim. We’re all very proud and know God will take care of him.

This year our stockings are hung by the chimney with care. We’re so very thankful that Private Morgan soon will be there!

Lea stays busy being a mother and a wife. Trey thinks she hung the moon and is the love of his life.

Cocoa, nearly 15, is still here and his breath will make you cry. We’re beginning to think our poor old dog just will never die. :)

We’ll close this letter with 2012 in sight, wishing a “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

5 Great Christmas Gifts For Your Kids

Still trying to decide what to get your kids this year for Christmas? How about getting them something that will last a lifetime? Some of the best gifts my parents gave me weren’t gifts that came from a store, but gifts that came from their lives. Here are a few gifts my parents gave me […]

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My Best Christmas Gift This Year

Our Soldier is home for Christmas. A hug from Mom.

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I Don’t Speak Spanish, But I DO Speak Love…

I love my trips to Honduras, and I SO wish I could speak Spanish … but I can’t. While my Spanish is very limited, I do speak fluent Love. More and more I realize that Love is an international language that crosses all cultural, social and language barriers. I’m continually amazed how easy it is […]

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A Few Pictures and Stories from Honduras I’d Like You To See

Here are a few stories behind some of my pictures from my trip to Honduras last week. I had a hard time choosing which pictures to share, but here are a few. (BTW: You can see the others on Facebook with some more stories.) Anytime you take a picture of someone, they want to see […]

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Feeding Hungry People 2

We purchased about $1000 worth of beans, rice and food at the market and fed an entire village for a couple of weeks. What a great way to spend $1000.

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Feeding Hungry People

Beautiful children that were fed today in Bueno Samaritano today. Can’t wait to share more.

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Train Your Children … You Don’t Have Them Very Long

We’ve received three letters from Taylor to this point, and he’s doing very well in basic training and loving Army life. One of the things Taylor knew when he chose to enlist in the Army was that there probably wouldn’t be a lot of positive Christian influence there. Lea and I have prayed numerous times that […]

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13 Stupid Things That A Husband Should NEVER Do

Sometimes talking with our wives can be like navigating through a field loaded with dangerous landmines. Just one miscalculation or wrong answer and you can land in the doghouse. So on a Monday when you could use a little humor, here are 13 things you should never say or do to your wife or girlfriend. […]

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10 Things That Are Guaranteed to Happen Today on Thanksgiving

Much like a David Letterman’s Top 10 List … here are 10 things I can guarantee that will happen with our family Thanksgiving Day… 10. We’ll have WAY too much food. 9. Uncle Allen will tell at least 5 of the corniest one-liner jokes you’ve ever heard in your life. 8. Everyone will gather around […]

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Will You Really Spend “THAT” Much This Christmas?

Lea and I spent the day talking about the Black Friday deals we wish we could get. There were several things that caught our eye, but none were worth getting up at 3 a.m. on Friday to go get them. Seems like every year Lea and I talk about not spending “as much” on gifts […]

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Help With The Jesus Banquet and Get a HONDURAS HOPE Bracelet

(Help me spread the word on this by Tweeting this post or posting it on your Facebook.) In just three weeks I’ll be back in Honduras with a group of friends for what we call “The Jesus Banquet at the Dump.” On December 7th at the dump in Tegucigalpa, Honduras something very special is going […]

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9 Things Being A Dad Has Taught Me About God

I love being a dad. One of the greatest accomplishments in my life is that I am the father of four amazing boys. One of my new struggle as a parent has been letting a son go into the Army, not because I didn’t want him to go, but because I won’t see or hear […]

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CHURCH JARGON FOR NEWBIES

It’s Monday … and I need a little humor.  Those who grew up going to church know all the special “church lingo” that goes along with going to church. But can you imagine what it’d be like for a seeker or new Christian to attend a worship service and hear a lot of terms and […]

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5 Things I’d Love To Tell Kim Kardashian About Marriage

I’m not a Kim Kardashian expert. I didn’t watch her wedding, I don’t follow her life on television, and I didn’t know much about her until this week. BUT… I did become interested in her when I read that after 72 days she was bailing out on her marriage and filing for divorce. The whole sad […]

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Real Men (and Women) Dote

“Dote” is not a word we use much anymore. In fact … I like the word pursue. But just so you’ll know … to “Dote” means: “to be lavish or excessive in one’s attention, fondness, or affection for.” Doting is pretty much what you did to win your spouse before you were married. I’m not […]

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Here is Why I Love Wednesdays

There’s not a Wednesday that goes by that I don’t think of my friends at the dump. This is their day… their day of the week to be fed. Every Wednesday my amazing friend Marc Tindall and a group of Christians make a trip to the Tegucigalpa dump in Honduras to feed hungry people who are […]

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Taylor … Army Strong

I’ve been doing my best to avoid writing this post. It’s not that I’m scared of it or that I’m ignoring it, it’s just that I didn’t want it to come … at least this quickly. For those of you that don’t know, our oldest son Taylor, leaves next week for Basic Training at Fort […]

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6 Things That Have Made Me A Better Minister

I’ve been doing ministry for about 25 years now. (Insert “old guy” joke here). In those 25 years, ministry techniques have come and gone. I’ve learned both good and bad ways to minister to people. There are plenty of things in the last 25 years that have and have not worked. Over the last few […]

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Overcoming Sexual Temptation

Here are a few things I found written down in an old journal this week that I’d like to share with you. Let’s start with a quiz. These aren’t trick questions, and they’re not hard. But play along if you will. Who was physically the strongest man in the Bible? (Samson) Who was the wisest […]

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Stupid Things Parents Say

Remember those cliches that came out of your parents’ mouths that made your skin crawl? If you are like most of us, you probably swore to yourself that you would never say “those things” to your kids. I can vividly remember thinking to myself, “I’m NEVER going to use that phrase with my kids,” but […]

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20 Years Ago Today …

I can’t believe that 20 years ago today, in a hospital in Childress, Texas … we had an amazing son named Parker.  Lea and I are blessed to have such an amazing kid. We have loved watching him grow up in physical and spiritual stature. Happy 20th Parker … we’re very proud of you.

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Men, When it Comes to Your Marriage … Don’t Be Bob!

(I have no clue where this came from … but it sure made me laugh …) Bob’s Last Letter: It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they […]

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10 Things Women Will NEVER Understand About Men

Men love being men, but sometimes the very things that make us unique are the things that women understand the least.  Come to think of it, there are probably LOTS of things that men do that don’t make sense to women. Things like these things …. Men just can’t stop and ask for directions. Men […]

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11 Things You’ll Find at the Morgan House…

You’ll find two outside cats that are meow-challenged. Yes, neither cat knows how to meow.  The male cat only makes squeaking sounds like a chipmunk or squirrel when he wants something to eat. The only noise I’ve ever heard our female cat make was screeching sounds when I stepped on her once. You’ll find a […]

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22 Years Ago Today…

22 years ago today, God blessed Lea and I with our first born son. That day we named that good-looking kid … Taylor Ross Morgan. Happy 22nd Birthday, Taylor! We are very proud of you.

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How Well Do You Know Your Spouse’s Needs?

There are 2 things that Lea and I repeat over and over in the Strong Marriage workshops that we do … Be proactive in growing your marriage. (Don’t put your marriage on cruise control.) Strive to meet your spouse’s needs. I think every couple will agree that we need to meet our spouses needs, but […]

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10 Years Ago Today …

10 years ago today, God blessed Lea and I with a sweet, kind, tender-hearted little boy. That day I got the honor of giving him his name … Cooper James Morgan. Happy 10th Birthday, Cooper!

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11 Things I Said I Would NEVER Do In Ministry

Many years ago when I started in ministry, there were certain things I said that I would NEVER do. On some I’ve held true, and on others I’ve failed miserably. Here are some of those things I said I’d NEVER do in ministry … I said I would NEVER want to be called anything but […]

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How to Drop the Divorce Rate to 7% in Your Marriage!

I want to be a 5 to 1 husband! Statistics on marriage scare me, but the Studer Group has released a new study on “Compliment to Criticism” ratio. They’ve told us from their studies, that people in general need 3 compliments given for every 1 criticism that is said to them. While that didn’t surprise […]

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Ten Things I’m Learning about Prayer

If you REALLY want to get God’s attention in prayer, it’s not by being eloquent or using big words, but by being honest and shooting straight with Him. The power of praying aloud is ELECTRIC! Prayer is not about poetry or posture, but about engaging the heart. When it comes to the “power of prayer,” […]

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About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
@TreyMorgan
Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage and randomness.
  • Thankful today that I don't have to be perfect to be loved by God. I'm not perfect, or even close to it, but His love is perfect.
  • My wife doesn't want to be my #1, she wants to be my only one. Same with Jesus, he doesn't want to be your #1, he wants to be your ONLY one.
  • "... for a man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:20
  • People who are full of religion, seem to dislike and have issues with people who are full of Jesus. May I suggest you strive to be disliked.
  • Saying, "I'm sorry," is a great way to have the last word in any argument.

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