Can Facebook Cause Marriage Problems?

Yesterday I looked through some of the referrals on my blog. Those are the little stats that tell me what people were looking for in Google that brought them to my blog.  Here were a few I saw within seconds…

  • “How to tell my wife she spends too much time on Facebook”
  • “Husband is hiding stuff on Facebook”
  • “Is being friends on Facebook with an old girlfriend wrong?”

Then yesterday, Smart Money puts out a article called, “Does Facebook Wreck Marriages?” that has some shocking starts. What shocked me the most was the statistic that last year OVER 1/3 of the divorce filings included the word “Facebook.”  Here’s a little of what they said …

“Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg changed his status to “married” Saturday and received over one million “likes” from his followers. But the site he founded isn’t always so marriage-friendly.  In fact, lawyers say the social network contributes to an increasing number of marriage breakups.

More than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a  legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “I see Facebook issues breaking up marriages all the time,” says Gary Traystman, a divorce attorney in New London, Conn. Of the 15 cases he handles per year where computer history, texts and emails are admitted as evidence, 60% exclusively involve Facebook.”

See how important it is that our marriages have some rules, guidelines and accountability for things like Facebook?  Maybe you need a refresher on a few guidelines for married couples. I’ll call them the “10 Commandments for Facebook and Marriage.”

  1. Don’t spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, “Am I spending too much time online?”  You want to make sure your spouse is your number 1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook. Pursue your spouse more than you pursue online relationships. Don’t Facebook during “couple” time (ie. When your wife asks you to watch a movie with her, do you Facebook through it? Or don’t facebook every night instead of going to bed with your husband.).
  2. NEVER hide things from your spouse on Facebook. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a 1000 more times; openness and honesty is the glue of your marriage. When you start hiding friendships, conversations, chat sessions and comments from your spouse, THAT IS UNHEALTHY. If you’re not allowing your spouse to know what you’re doing on Facebook or online, that’s a sign that you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing. Cheating on your spouse online is JUST AS WRONG as physically cheating on your spouse. If you’re doing it … STOP IT!
  3. Share your Facebook password with your spouse. I share every password with Lea … from my Facebook account to every email address I have. Why would I want to do that? It’s called trust, and it’s also called accountability. Knowing my wife can open my laptop at anytime and read anything I’m doing, or see any place I’ve gone, keeps me accountable. Nine times out of ten I don’t even sign out of Facebook, so I know when Lea gets on the computer she can see anything she wants. It’s very healthy. Don’t hide things from your spouse. Make sure you regularly tell them, “You are welcome to see what I’m doing anytime.” 
  4. NEVER EVER EVER befriend anyone of the opposite sex that your spouse is uncomfortable with. SERIOUSLY, befriending an old boyfriend or girlfriend should NEVER be done without fully discussing it with your spouse. AND, if they are even in the slightest way uncomfortable with you befriending anyone of the opposite sex … don’t do it.  Don’t search for old boyfriends and girlfriends. Simple communication with your spouse about this is best.
  5. Defriend anyone who crosses normal boundaries. If someone is saying things, doing things or asking questions online that make you uncomfortable OR would make you uncomfortable in person, then that’s not a good sign. Listen to the little voice in your head. If something tells you “this isn’t right,” then it’s probably not. Never be ashamed or afraid to defriend someone that may have ulterior motives.  You marriage relationship is your #1 concern, not the feelings of an old Jr. High flame.
  6. If you’re married, PROUDLY set your “Relationship Status” to married. Seriously … proudly shout to the world … I AM MARRIED!  I wish there was a “Happily Married” status or for that matter, an “I’m madly in love with my incredibly gorgeous wife.” I’d change my status to that in a heartbeat. :)
  7. Post pictures of you and your spouse on your Facebook, OR use a “couple” picture as your profile picture.
  8. Don’t be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. Someone of the opposite sex won’t question your love for your spouse if you occasionally brag on your spouse on your Facebook status. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do … to brag on your spouse, and doing it in public conveys your love for your spouse to the world. It doesn’t bother me one drop to tell the world just how much I love my wife.
  9. NEVER  use my status to complain about my spouse. Not smart! Facebook is not for you to air your grievances to the world about your spouse.
  10. Think before you type. Don’t make comments on statuses and pictures of other people that come across as suggestive. Men, THINK how it’s going to look before you click “like” on some girl’s picture that was taken at a swimming pool. Wives, think before you praise another man on Facebook more than you would your husband.

Remember …. no matter how many friends you have on Facebook, your #1 friend in this world should be your spouse. Strive to better that relationship on a daily basis. Work 1000 times harder to grow in that relationship than you do at finding friends on Facebook. NEVER take your relationship with your spouse for granted. THE LAST THING YOU WANT is 1000 Facebook friends, while the love between you and your best friend slowly dies out.

Soulmate or Roommate?

I’m starting a class this Sunday called “Soulmate or Roommate?.” Marriage was never intended to turn in to simply cohabitation with someone of the opposite sex, yet often it does.  Sometimes we become roommates with our soul mates because of laziness and selfishness that creep into our marriages without us doing something about them.

So has your soulmate turned into your roommate? If it has … that’s not good. Here are a few problems that cause this…

  1. Life begins to get in the way of marriage. Things like paying bills, work, children all start taking priority over marriage.
  2. You start taking your spouse for granted. You get comfortable and quit trying in marriage.
  3. You blame. Everyone is at fault for your marriage struggles … your spouse, your in-laws, your parents … everyone but you.
  4. You stop putting your spouse and their needs first. You quit working to meet their needs and do the things you once did.
  5. You get resentful and hold grudges. Resentfulness and grudges are like cancer … they will slowly kill your marriage.
  6. You start doing things out of duty and obligation instead of love. It becomes all about you.

Those are just a few of the things that turns a healthy marriage with your soulmate into a duty filled unhappy marriage with a roommate.

SOULMATE or ROOMMATE? If you want to know more and are in the Childress area, and would like to join us this Sunday morning in the class I teach, we’ll be starting a new series of studies about marriage called “Soulmate or Roommate?.” Many marriages that crash and burn do so when they just start living together and quit working at being married. God never created marriage, so you could have a roommate but a soulmate. Marriage is about intimacy, oneness and togetherness … not just cohabitation. Whether your marriage is struggling, good or great … you’ll get something out of this series. See you at 9:30 this Sunday morning … don’t be late :)

My Friend Darrell

I was 12 and Darrell was 10. We grew up 2 houses apart and were the best of friends. Our summers were spent outside playing make-believe games, dreaming of girls and just doing boy stuff. Every childhood memory I have includes Darrell, but no memory is more vivid than the summer that everyone carried a slingshots. Everyone on the block carried a slingshot that summer, including big Curtis Smith, the neighborhood bully who lived two blocks away.

It was a simpler time and life was good in the neighborhood. Our biggest worries in life were that our moms would make us come in early and do chores, or that big Curtis would show up just to bully us around.

Curtis was older than us. He was also bigger, faster and stronger than everyone else on the block. As all bullies would, Curtis loved picking on Darrell because he was the smallest kid in our group of friends. Thankfully Curtis wasn’t a regular visitor to our neighborhood. But when he did show up, he’d reek havoc on our Summer day of fun.

I’ll never forget that one summer day when Curtis showed up for another afternoon of bullying with his slingshot around his neck. In those days if you didn’t have a pocket to carry your slingshot, you simply wore it around your neck like a necklace. Then when when you needed it, you had it close by. When Curtis showed up that day he immediately ended our game and started trying to pick a fight. Curtis got up in Darrell’s face, their noses two inches apart, and said, “Come on squirt, I double dog dare you to start something with me.” It was like Goliath challenging little David, and the rest of us stood around watching like the scared Israelites.

I never expected Darrell to do anything, because he never had before … no one ever had. Big Curtis had spent many a day bullying us without one person ever standing up to him. But today was different. That day would be celebrated from this day forward as VOC Day … “Victory Over Curtis Day!”

What happened next will forever be ingrained in my memory. Some who saw it think it was because of the “double dog dare” that Big Curtis thrown down to Darrell. As you know, double-dog-dares are impossible to turn down when you’re that age, but I think it was something else. I think it was that Darrell had spotted a weakness in Big Curtis that no one had ever seen before. It was the slingshot Big Curtis wore around his neck like a necklace.

The sling shot dangled from Big Curtis’s neck as their noses were two inches apart. Just about the time Big Curtis’s challenge rolled from his lips, Darrell quickly reached up, grabbed the wooden handle of Curtis’s slingshot, pulled it down as far as he could stretch the rubber band and let it fly back towards Curtis’s head. It was the shot heard around the neighborhood. The wooden handle of the slingshot smacked Big Curtis HARD right under the chin. I remember Curtis’s eyes immediately turned solid white just before he took two steps and fell face first to the ground with a large crash. Goliath was out cold.

I’m not sure what shocked me more. The fact that someone had just stood up to Curtis or that it was possible that he lay unconscious there in the dirt. As we stood over Big Curtis’s body, our hearts beating a million times a minute, my brother Bruce asked, “Is he dead?” Seconds later we did the only thing we knew to do … we ran away as fast as we could. I have no idea how long Curtis lay there in the dirt because we were blocks away within minutes.

From that day forward Big Curtis wasn’t all that “Big” anymore. The Goliath in our lives had been defeated by the littlest David on the block. Darrell walked a little taller that summer knowing he had done what everyone thought was impossible. Big Curtis didn’t come around much after that. Oh, occasionally he’d wander through our neighborhood, but when he did, he never bothered any of us anymore. I know he was humiliated because it got out at school that a kid two years younger than him had knocked him out. While Big Curtis never wore his slingshot around his neck again, what he did wear from that day on was a big scar on his chin where the slingshot hit him.

I miss those simple times as a kid, but more than that I miss my friend Darrell that passed way 8 years ago. I think about him, our friendship and the good old days every May 16th … today he would have been 44 years old.  He will forever be a champion in my eyes!

Be Your Spouse’s Biggest Fan

I’m a fan of several things. I’m a fan of the Texas Rangers, I’m a fan of running, and I’m even a fan of bacon.

Everyone is a fan of something. You may be a NASCAR fan, a college football fan or a fan of golf. Maybe you’re a book fan and love to read, or a music fan and love to go to concerts. Whatever you’re a fan of … just don’t forget if you’re married, to be a fan of your spouse.

Being a fan of your spouse is something Lea and I talk a lot about in our Stronger Marriage workshops.  We personally think you should be a HUGE fan of your spouse.  In fact, I like to say … if your spouse had a fan club, you should fight to be the president of that club. If you’re a parent, I know you praise and build-up your kids … do it for your spouse as well.

I love seeing couples who have figured this out. Like my friend Amanda, who has listed as her middle name on Facebook , “LovesErik.” Erik is her husband, and every time he logs on to Facebook he’s reminded how much his wife loves him.  Or, my friend Haley who every couple of weeks proclaims her love to her spouse on Facebook … making her husband’s day.

Here’s a few ways you can show you’re a fan of your spouse…

  • Encourage your spouse every day by building them up with your words.
  • Compliment them everyday.
  • Remind them why you love them.
  • Leave them a note, send them a text or email.
  • Praise them both privately and publicly.
  • NEVER bad-mouth your spouse in public or to your friends.

Remember, it’s not good enough just to not be critical … you need to be proactive in being positive and looking for ways to build up.  Be your spouse’s biggest fan … and not a fair-weathered fan.

Sometimes Nice Guys Finish First

I was just trying to book a hotel room, and the cost was a bit more than I was expecting. So I asked the nice lady …

ME:  “Is that your best rate?” 

HER: “Sorry, it really is … unless you qualify for a discount.”

ME: “Really … how do I qualify for a discount?” 

HER: “Well, are you a AAA card holder?”

ME: “No.”

HER: “How about military? Are you active military?”

ME:  “No.” 

HER: “Are you a member of our rewards program?” 

ME: (I’m sure I was sounding depressed by now) “No ma’am, sorry.”

HER: “So, if you’re not a AAA member, a military member or rewards program member … do you have anyhing at all to offer?”

ME: “Well, I’m really a super nice guy?” I said, just kinda kidding around.

HER: “There you go” she said excitedly, “that’s worth 20% right there!” 

ME: “Really?” I said.

HER: “Absolutely … we need more super nice guys in our world.” 

:)

Who says … “Nice guys finish last.”

Dump Day 2012 Update and Totals

Many have asked about totals for Dump Day. It’s become increasingly hard every year to get an exact total until about a month or so has passed and everything has come in. We try hard to keep up with it on this blog, but not everybody posts what they gave, which is fine. Here’s what […]

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8 Things I Learned from Cancer

Today I celebrate life as a father and a husband. It was 9 years ago today I was told I had cancer .  Recovering from two surgeries made the summer of 2003 an extremely tough summer I’ll never forget. I’m not looking for sympathy today or even high-fives, but I am simply reminding myself of […]

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DUMP DAY 2012

BREAKING NEWS: The awesome people at Bread For a Hungry World have just announced that for every $6.50 donated on their site (link is below), they will add an additional $50 to your $6.50 donation. That will make your $6.50 donation to the Dump Fund actually a $56.50 donation. Awesome. Surely everyone can give $6.50. Bread for […]

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Answers to Your Questions on Dump Day Eve

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR DUMP DAY 2012, PLEASE CLICK HERE! I’ve been getting lots of Dump Day questions, and I’m going to try and answer some … QUESTION: What can I do to REALLY make a BIG difference on Dump Day tomorrow? (3 Things…) Pray and ask God to bless our day. Make a donation. […]

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How To Give On Dump Day and Dump Day Give-Aways

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR DUMP DAY 2012, PLEASE CLICK HERE! Our 4th annual Dump Day and 30-Hour-Fast is one week away. Many have started giving early, and that is totally okay. If you do give early, please make sure you stop back by this blog next Wednesday and let us know what you gave so […]

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A Very Cool Story From The Dump

The following is a post from my friend Marc Tindall who works in Honduras and does ministry in the dump. This is little Marco, he is now almost 2 years old.  We took him to the doctor today because his mom, my friend Johana, has tried for about a month to get him feeling better and […]

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10 Reasons to Give on Dump Day 2012

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR DUMP DAY 2012, PLEASE CLICK HERE! Every year on the first Wednesday in May, we meet here on this blog to raise money to bless the ministry that takes place at the Tegucigalpa dump in Honduras. That money provides for things like food, milk for newborns, medical emergencies, and on and […]

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My Day Working At The Tegucigalpa Dump

Yesterday Marc Tindall, myself and a few others went to the Tegucigalpa dump to spend part of the day working in the dump. We were hoping to get a small glimpse of what the life of the dump person would be like. We spent our part of the day helping a young 22-year-old single mom […]

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I’m Going To Go To Work in a Dump …

Next week I’m starting a new job. Okay, so it’s only for 1 day, but it is a new job. My friend Marc Tindall has invited me to Honduras  next week to spend a full day working in the Tegucigalpa dump. Oh I’ve worked handing out food there many times, but this is going to […]

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Let Me Introduce You To “Disciple Trips” … Short Term Missions for Young People

(This blog generates a lot of traffic for those interested in short-term missions in Honduras and I want to share with you today a new ministry called Disciple Trips. If you are a teenager, or know a teenager interested in a mission trip, I suggest you point them towards Disciple Trips. I’ve asked my friend, […]

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Ministry Advice From An “Old” Minister

I had a reality check this week when a “young” minister called me wanting some ministry advise from an “older minister.” What exactly did he mean by “older preacher?”  Come to think of it, maybe he was wanting Patrick Mead’s number … he’s much older and much wiser than I am. Funny thing was, I’m […]

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I Dare You To Do The 30 Hour Fast With Me.

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR DUMP DAY 2012, PLEASE CLICK HERE! Are you up for a 30 hour fast? How long could you go without food? Could you last 30 hours without food? There are some of us who can’t go a few hours without hollering, “I’m hungry.” As most of you know, on May 2nd, […]

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Beat Up, Ran Over & Left For Dead (A Story from the Dump)

If you were to visit the Tegucigalpa dump in Honduras, one of the first people you might see is Fanni.  She was one of the first people that Marc & Terri Tindall met in the dump. Fanni is now 18 and has a little boy named Marcos. Fanni lives in a very dangerous neighborhood and […]

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We Gave Away A House Yesterday. Before and After Pictures.

The Augment group and the community of Childress gave away another house yesterday. It’s our second house. We’ll be starting on our third project this week. Here are a few before/after pictures and of the yesterday’s open house.    

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College Kids Spending Spring Break … Working in a Dump

My son Parker is in Honduras this week for Spring Break. His group went with Marc Tindall to the dump yesterday to feed the people there. He told me last night that he met a man named Juan at the dump who was carrying a big bag of plastic bottles that he’d been gathering all […]

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10 Signs You’re Not Reading Your Bible Enough

You really can’t remember if it was Moses or Noah that took the animals on the ark. You fall for the old preacher’s joke, “Turn in your bibles to the book of Hezekiah,” when there really is no book of Hezekiah. You think the old saying “cleanliness is next to godliness” is actually a verse […]

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Augment House #2 Open House

Everyone is invited to our Open House for our Augment Project #2. Here’s the news brief that was in the paper…  

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Army Graduation and Video

The Morgan family loaded up this past week and drove to Columbus, Georgia for Taylor’s graduation. It was a great week. We got to see some amazing sights and spend a little time with Taylor. Taylor got a weekend pass so we stayed until Sunday afternoon before heading back to Childress. Taylor started Airborne school […]

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Perspective

The following conversation took place at lunch today between Taylor, our son who is in the Army, and his mother … who is very girly. I found a lot of humor in it. MOM: Are you still sleeping on the top of your covers at night so you don’t have to re-make your bed in […]

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LOOK OUT!

There’s a new driver in the Morgan family. Connor passed his driving test yesterday and is itching to go somewhere … anywhere … without a parent in the car with him. Connor has taken over driving the old Firebird. Even though it’s on its second motor, it still cleans up nice and gets 30 mpg […]

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Meet Brenda … She’s 14 and Had a Baby Last Year

Brenda is a regular at the dump in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Life is not easy for 14 year old girls that spend time in the dump. Just last year Brenda had a baby. She has no parents, lives with other family but nobody closer than an aunt. Thankfully last year the dump fund, money that was […]

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17 Signs Your Church Might Be Dying

You may have already read these, but according to Barna, 3500-4000 churches close their doors every year… AND recently the Christian Chronicle just published a report saying that in the past nine years that church attendance has dropped by more than 100,000. Just a few days ago I visited with a man that was very concerned […]

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4 Things I Learned This Week…

“Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding…”~Proverbs 3:13 Life is about learning. Learning from mistakes, victories and others makes me a wiser and stronger person.  I’m always trying to learn things from everyday events. Little lessons hidden among daily events and activities. Some of the things I learn are beneficial […]

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“I Just Want My Dad Back”

Yesterday morning after our church services a boy came up to me and said, “Can I talk to you for a second?” I told him to give me just a second and I’d be more than happy to talk. He was about the same size as my 10 year old and I wasn’t sure I […]

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We’re Giving Away Another House … Augment Project #2

A year and a half ago we completed our first Augment Project (see it here). It was an old condemned house that we purchased very cheap and rebuilt for a lady in Childress who needed one. It was an awesome project that the whole community of Childress helped with. In March of last year, we […]

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They Curse, Cheat, Sleep Around, Get Drunk … and Then Invite Me to Church

I have a friend that’s not a Christian, but she’s very curious about my faith, my beliefs and Christianity. She didn’t grow up in any religion or church and knows very little about the bible. She often asks me questions about Christianity that are very simple, honest and sometimes down right painful. Sometimes her questions […]

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10 Stupid Lessons I’ve Learned In Life

You can’t iron your shirt while it’s still on your body without burning yourself. Took me twice to learn this one. Never have a cup of hot coffee between your legs when you’re being rude to your mother. God will see your error, cause you to spill your coffee and punish you with what I […]

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Dump Day 2012 is May 2nd

IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR DUMP DAY 2012, PLEASE CLICK HERE! Dump Day 2012 is right around the corner (May 2nd). For the past three years we’ve helped raised money for the ministry that takes place at the dump in Tegucigalpa, Honduras. Dump Day 2012 is necessary to replenish the dump fund because the dump fund […]

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Honduras Summer Mission Trip 2012

Just wanted to let you know some details on our summer mission trip to Honduras. We’ll be building houses, feeding the hungry, serving food to those in the dump, doing medical clinics … and MUCH more. DATES: The dates are June 29th – July 6th and flights are already booked. COST: $1600.00 If you want more […]

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I Dropped This Hint To My Wife … And I’m LOVING It.

First, I must make a confession … I’m on Pinterest (find me here). Yes, to my men friends … you may want to take my man-card, BUT to this point … Pinterest has been pretty good to me. Let me explain… Towards the end of the year, my wife was spending a lot of time […]

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About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage and randomness.
  • Good stuff. RT His dad was a preacher — and a pedophile. Story from Somerset, Pa.: http://t.co/veAPzFzDSh… #sexabuse http://t.co/p9mwqsm2y4
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