There are 2 things that Lea and I repeat over and over in the Strong Marriage workshops that we do …

• Be proactive in growing your marriage. (Don’t put your marriage on cruise control.)
  
• Strive to meet your spouse’s needs.

I think every couple will agree that we need to meet our spouses needs, but when is the last time you actually asked your spouse, “What are your top needs?”

If you don’t have a clue what your spouse’s needs are, then you’re already behind the 8-ball. You’ve got to ask, instead of trying to guess.  And then when you find out, be proactive in trying to meet those needs. When you do, in return, they will want to meet your needs. Lea and I ask one another on a regular basis, “What are your needs,” because they sometimes change, then we simply try to out do one another at meeting the other person’s needs.

According to Dr. Willard Harley’s book called His Needs/Her Needs. Here are the top needs of Husbands & Wives:

A Husband’s Top 5 Needs:

1. Sexual Fulfillment – Generally a husband’s top need.
   
2. Recreational Companionship – A husband loves it when his wife is willing to take an interest in things he likes.
3. An Attractive Spouse – Wives, do your best with what you’ve got and dress with the goal of pleasing him.
4. Domestic Support – He wants peace and quiet (domestic bliss).
5. Admiration – You can’t heap it on to thick girls.
   

A Wife’s Top 5 Needs:

1. Affection – Generally her number 1 need. Guys, never stop pursuing your wife.
   
2. Conversation - The top reason for divorce given by women. Men, learn to converse.
   
3. Honesty and Openness - Don’t be dishonest or hide things. Honesty is the glue in your marriage.
   
4. Financial Support - A huge need in the world of women. They simply want to know that they’ll be taken care of.
   
5. Family Commitment - Guys, be more committed to being a dad and husband than you are your hobbies and job.

So here’s a good challenge for the weekend: Take the lists above, show them to your spouse and ask how their needs stack up to these here. (It’s not unusual for a woman to have a need in the man’s list or a man to have a need in the woman’s list.)  Find out what his/her top 5 needs are and then make it your goal to focus on those needs this next week.

I want a great marriage, but it won’t happen by accident … just like anything else, marriage takes work. Sometime hard work.

10 years ago today, God blessed Lea and I with a sweet, kind, tender-hearted little boy. That day I got the honor of giving him his name … Cooper James Morgan.

Happy 10th Birthday, Cooper!

Carving a Pumpkin

Fishing in the mountains.

Lunch in Honduras.

Pitching in baseball.

Needing a haircut.

Snow cones are good.

Many years ago when I started in ministry, there were certain things I said that I would NEVER do. On some I’ve held true, and on others I’ve failed miserably. Here are some of those things I said I’d NEVER do in ministry …

1. I said I would NEVER want to be called anything but Trey. There are all kinds of titles that people call ministers … like brother, minister, evangelist, father, pastor, reverend, Dr., The Most Holy Something-Or-Another, etc … I’ve always been most comfortable with just “Trey.” People often ask, “What are we supposed to call you?” I tell them, “I’m fine with just Trey.” I have SUCCEEDED in this!
2. I said I would NEVER write or publish anything with a silly, cute and goofy title. Let me explain.  Nothing makes me shake my head more often than when a minister feels obligated to do a bulletin article, paper article, blog, etc. with a goofy rhyming title. For example, you will NEVER see me publish something with a title that says, “Trey’s Tidbits,” or “Trey’s Trinkets.”  I can’t see why anyone would ever want to title their stuff, “Mark’s Musings,” “Greg’s Goodies,” “The Preacher’s Pickn’s,” “Warren’s Wise Words,” or “Jason’s Jargon?” Makes no sense to me. I have SUCCEEDED in this and I’m PROUD of it!
3. I said I would NEVER put my family second to ministry. Sadly, there have been a few times when I have. Thankfully I’m SUCCEEDING more than FAILING.
4. I said I would NEVER be afraid of failure when it came to trying new things in ministry. I’ve FAILED plenty at this. Thankfully I’m learning more and more everyday to dream big.
5. I said I would NEVER wear a sweater vest. I’m proud to say I’ve SUCCEEDED!
6. I said I would NEVER let it bother me when people didn’t like me. Two things are very true about ministry … “Sometimes people just don’t like you, and you just can’t please everyone.” Those are true statements, but I still let it bother me. FAIL!
7. I said I would NEVER see ministry as just job. AND I’ve said that when ministry becomes just a job to me and not a ministry anymore, I would get out. Thankfully, I’ve SUCCEEDED on this.
8. I said I would NEVER be a church jumper. Meaning, I didn’t want to be a minister who changed jobs every two years. I wanted to get somewhere, settle down and do ministry. After 10 years in one place and 9 here in Childress, I think I’m SUCCEEDING at this.
9. I said I would NEVER think I have all the answers. Meaning, when things happen in my life and ministry that I need advice on, I still call wiser men who have been in ministry MUCH longer than I have … and I ask them for advice. SUCCEEDING!
10. I said I NEVER wanted to hide my faith, my life and my marriage from the world, BUT I wanted to live those things out-loud where people could see if they wanted.  I think I’m SUCCEEDING most of the time.
11. I said I would NEVER just quit. Thankfully I’m still hanging in there.

How about you … anything you said you’d NEVER do?

I want to be a 5 to 1 husband!

Statistics on marriage scare me, but the Studer Group has released a new study on “Compliment to Criticism” ratio. They’ve told us from their studies, that people in general need 3 compliments given for every 1 criticism that is said to them. While that didn’t surprise me, the following statistic FLOORED me …

“Reports now show that when it comes to marriage, if you have a 5 to 1 compliment to criticism ratio, the divorce rate in that marriage drops from 50% to 7%.”

DID YOU CATCH THAT, husbands and wives? We are now learning how to beat the old statistic that says that 50% of all marriages will end in divorce. How? Give 5 compliments to your spouse for every 1 negative thing you say. When you take on the 5 to 1 plan, the divorce rate in your marriage drops to 7%. I like those odds!

My goal (and hopefully yours) today is to become a 5 to 1 kind of spouse. Today is a great day to start so before the day is out, I will give Lea five genuine compliments. I’m sure she’s going to wonder what I did, what I want or what I’m up to!

5 to 1 … that’s it! And the divorce rate goes from 50% to 7% … It’s time to pass the word.

You up for the 5-1 challenge with your spouse? How about making a commitment today by letting your spouse know or posting it on Facebook … or leave a comment that says, “I’m in!”  It’s called accountability.

1. If you REALLY want to get God’s attention in prayer, it’s not by being eloquent or using big words, but by being honest and shooting straight with Him.
2. The power of praying aloud is ELECTRIC!
3. Prayer is not about poetry or posture, but about engaging the heart.
4. When it comes to the “power of prayer,” the power is not in the person doing the praying, but in the One who hears the prayer.
5. God’s not moved by the length of a prayer, but by your humility (Luke 18:9-14).
6. Prayers, even short and informal, are VERY significant.
7. There is no secret formula, no special phrases and no exact patterns you must follow to get God to hear you, just ask in Jesus’ name.
8. Praying with my wife is incredible. It lets me see into the special places of her heart.
9. I should never be too busy to pray. Just as much as I love to hear from my children, God loves to hear from me.
10. There will are plenty of times when I don’t have service on my cell phone … BUT I will ALWAYS be connected to God through prayer… any time and any place … I have PERFECT reception and service.

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