OVER-PROTECTIVE PARENTING

I think it’s important to be protective of your children. At the same time, I don’t want to be too protective or over-protective.

Having four boys, it’s been important to us to be protective without over doing it. I try to do things like monitor the television shows the boys watch. I want to know who they are running around with, and I think it’s important to keep an eye on the movies they’re seeing.

I especially want to be protective when it comes to girls in their lives. So when a girl showed up at my door not long ago, asking if one of my boys could come over to her house, I told her with a stern tone, “I’m sorry young lady, but I don’t have ‘that’ type of boy. Now you can get right back on your tri-cycle and go right back to your house!” (smile)

TWO QUESTIONS:

  • How protective of your children are you these days?
  • What are some signs that you’re being over-protective?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
13 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Greg says:

    Ours are grown and gone, but we were protective parents due to the environment in which they grew up … a very violence filled society where gangs ruled and law enforcement / judges cowered. We gave them the knowledge they needed to stay away from certain places and certain behaviors that would lead to trouble. If that’s over protective, then so be it.

    As for overprotective signs? When you insist on going along on the honeymoon to make sure they are okay, that’s over-protective!

  2. blogprophet says:

    warning! tangent alert!

    I have been thinking about this in comparison with the church and how God allows mistakes whereas, parents and church leaders seem to work a lot harder to keep their flock/children from making mistakes.

    where is the balance? some mistakes can ruin a life. at the same time, some terrible mistakes can be a turning point for good in a life.

  3. Matt H. says:

    I bloged today on somewhat this very thing, the NIU school shoting was some what my insperation, as I droped my children off at school today and then came home to read about another school shoting. We must teach our youth of this nation that there is refuge in God. We can not be with them 24 hrs a day, but God is. I take comfort in knowing that.

  4. AncientWanderer says:

    [1] As protective as you need to be in your own life

    [2] Not to the point they fear living.

  5. That Girl says:

    I have a lot of advice on this topic. However, I have no children so I will keep it to myself.

  6. leslie says:

    we were just discussing this very topic in my human development class the other day (parenting styles)… of the many uncomfortable outcomes in children of overprotective parents, the two most terrifying were: the child felt they couldn’t be trusted or depended upon; and they perceive that their parents were not motivated by love but by fear.

    1-i am pretty protective; her childhood looks different from mine (and certain aspects about that makes me sad) i, too, don’t want to over do it.

    2-give them responses (to memorize) for every conceivable scenario/ situation.
    –they don’t have to run at the first sign of trouble because you’re two feet a way, a big step back is all that is required.

  7. Matt says:

    1. Very. With the girls being young I believe that a lot of my protectiveness is God Given although I do have to check myself.

    2. That is a scary topic to me. Perhaps when you are no longer allow your kid to be a kid due to your fear or hostility

    Here is a question. Which is worse over-protection or under-protection both are obviously not good but which in your opinion is worse for the child?

  8. TREY MORGAN says:

    I have throughly enjoyed the responses to this post. I’ve learned much from your comments.

    Matt – I think being under protective would be much worse than being over protective. But that’s just my opinion.

  9. Timbra Wiist Owner/Photographer says:

    ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! this guy at church says he would always tell guys who came to see his daughter, “I’m not afraid to go BACK to prison. . . ” that always gets a laugh! I actually wanted to stop by to suggest you have a looksee at a blog seanmartella.blogspot.com this is the boyfriend of a girl in our congregation, he’d been coming with her pretty regularly before he found out he had cancer, and continues to come. . . . anyway, thought maybe you might develop a relationship with him based on similar experience?!

  10. David Kirk says:

    I’m a helicopter dad…always hovering over my son!

  11. Falantedios says:

    I think sometimes parents are like editor-bishops: overprotective with minutiae, underprotective with big horrible nasty stuff.

    Parents today make sure their children have bottled water and soy milk, but they plug them into the television and go on their merry way. Or they buy them popular clothes because they don’t want their children to feel unaccepted in any way, but never recognize how that kind of popularity breeds all sorts of dangers. Or they only let their children participate in activities where everyone’s worth is totally affirmed and no one suffers consequences.

    Some things have changed, even since I was a little kid in the late 70s to mid 80s. When I was little, I could just go play outside, period end of discussion. In a lot of places now, that is just bad parenting anymore.

    Think about this one, though: What would have happened to you if your parents got a call from school saying that you’d gotten in trouble and received a spanking? My Dad would have painted my back door even redder. Now, parents want to know why the school is picking on their child; what did the teacher do to provoke such behavior?

    Rant over… :)

    in HIS love,
    Nick

  12. pooja says:

    hi,
    i am not a parent..but my parents too are protective..and i dont think theres anything wrong in that:)
    you doing a great job:)
    thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.

    goodparenting.co.in

  13. HisPrincess says:

    As the mother of a 15 year old Princess with a boyfriend this is a topic very very close to my heart. Her boyfriend is a lovely, caring and responsible boy, for which we are very thankful. Our approach has been to keep the communication flowing which seems to be working at present. She is happy to come home and tell us everything that has happened during a day out. The test will be when she comes home and tells us something we don’t approve of, then we have to try to voice our opinion without alienating her and thus closing the lines of communication. There also comes a time when you have to trust that you’ve “brought them up right” and let them make their own decisions. Its all scary stuff!

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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