By far, one of the worst things a man can do in his marriage is to not pursue his wife as hard to keep her as he did to win her!

Let me explain.

Before marriage a man will go all out trying to win his future wife’s love and trust. He spends hours communicating. He sends cards, gifts and flowers regularly. He dotes, he dates and he makes every effort to win his future wife. A man will pursue a woman in every way possible just to win her.

During that time the woman is thinking, “Okay, if he’s like this, then he’s the man I want to marry,” and finally does.

Unfortunately as I’ve seen too many times, a few months (or sometimes years) after the marriage, the man no longer pursues his wife as he once did. Deep down he thinks, “I’ve won her, she’s mine, why must I continue to do all those things?” At the same time the wife struggles with, “This isn’t the man I married,” and “Why did he change?” It’s at this point that problems begin to arise, cracks begin to form and the marriage relationship begins to break down. Due to her frustrations she often begins to close up. When this begins to happen, husbands often wonder, “What has happened to our sex life?” and “Why aren’t my needs being met?” Most men don’t understand that their needs are not being met because they are no longer pursuing their wives.

Men, it is by far one of the most damaging things you can do in your marriage … not pursuing your wife as hard to keep her as you did to win her!

Husbands, pursue your wife … today!

“A man’s greatest treasure is his wife, she is a gift from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
13 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Scott says:

    Amen! I have been chasing my wife for 22 years counting the year or so we dated and our 8 month engagement. My dad has be pursing my mom for almost 50 years . . . I had a great example.

  2. LauraLee Shaw says:

    Awesome post, Trey. My husband's pursuing me gives me a model of my Heavenly Father pursuing me. I pray all the harder that I can love my husband more deeply each and every day.

  3. Peter P says:

    I agree completely, Trey.

    Things are never better between my wife and I than when I am pursuing her.

    … come to think of it, the same goes for my relationship with God!

  4. TREY MORGAN says:

    I've pursued Lea for 21 years … and I love the fact that she's allowed me to catch her for those 21 years :)

    Scott – Isn't it great when we have examples like our fathers … and you to those around you?

    LauraLee & Peter – Great point you guys make about the correlation between this and our relationship with God.

  5. That Girl says:

    Pursue AND run the vaccuum! :)

  6. Warren Baldwin says:

    Lots of truth here! Good post.

  7. Karin says:

    Just checked that word 'pursuit' and now I'm not so sure that I want my hubby to pursue me, lol.

    transitive verb
    1: to follow in order to overtake, capture, kill, or defeat

    2: to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish : seek i.e.pursue a goal

    3: to proceed along i.e. pursues a northern course

    4 a: to engage in i.e. pursue a hobby
    b: to follow up or proceed with i.e. pursue an argument

    5: to continue to afflict : haunt i.e. was pursued by horrible memories

    Oh, I hear what you are saying and you've said it well. I agree to a point! I just think that if a man pursues a woman, there are ultimately expectations of reciprocation. I would just as soon be LOVED by my hubby the way Christ loves the church -submissive to each other and both of us to Christ. Then we will selflessly, sacrificially give each other all and any the love language needed – words of affirmation, support, encouragement, quality time, tangible and intangible gifts, willing and loving acts of service and will never deny each other physical touch!

  8. TREY MORGAN says:

    Karin… Thanks for the laugh and the words of wisdom :) Very well said.

  9. says:

    I like the name Trey (that is my son's name…aka Dante III). Great post and keep them coming.

  10. Stoogelover says:

    Good stuff! I've tried over the years to try and get husbands-to-be to see this in premarital counseling. I'm grateful these days to no longer have to be involved in the counseling or the marriage ceremonies. It just got too discouraging to me to see the pursuit end after the wedding ceremony. Thanks for the reminder!!

  11. Bob says:

    Hey Trey, how goes? When the kids (all 4) need this and that, when work calls (even after hours and frequently), when life's demands (bills) come calling at month's end, it's important to remember our mate. This was a good post and great reminder. Thanks.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Here is a common work week for most couples…
    5:30 AM Get up and get breakfast going. Husband or wife is getting ready for work.
    6:00 AM Start breakfast for a family of 5.
    6:30AM Wake kids up and get them moving.
    7:00AM Husband/Wife leaves for work. Other spouse feeds kids breakfast
    7:30AM Leave home to drop kids off at school/daycare
    7:45AM I head to part time job.
    8:00AM arrive at part time job
    2:30PM Leave work and head to pick kids up at child care/School.
    3:00PM Arrive at School and pick kids up.
    3:45PM Arrive home and get kids started on homework.
    4:45PM Start Dinner
    6:00pm Family sits down to eat dinner when Mom/Dad get home from full time job.
    6:30PM Family time and Fun
    8:00PM Family gets ready for school/work for the next day.
    9:00PM Kids go to bed or finish homework.
    10:00PM Lights out everyone goes to bed.

    Repeat all Monday Though Friday.
    Saturday…Clean House and do chores around the house. (Honey dos if you will)
    Sunday Attend Worship Service and then go home to eat or prepare a Sunday dinner.

    Question…Tell me when I can DOTE with this schedule…..just asking.

  13. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – I feel your pain. I understand where you're coming from since I am raising 4 boys.

    Two thoughts …

    1) make the most of the time you have. Hold your wife's hand during church. Open the door for her when you're getting in and out of the car. Leave a note before leaving for work.

    2) honestly … make time. We always make time to do the things we want to do. If we want to do something bad enough … somehow we'll find the time.

    Hang in there my friend…

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • good list. Don't forget Nickelback, OJ, ISIS and beer-throwing Blue Jay fans.
  • He was pretty tough to listen to as well.
  • As crazy as it might sound, Chris Collinsworth just might be worse to listen to than the song Christmas Shoes.
  • Please remember that some Christmas music is incredibly offensive to people with grandmothers who actually were run over by reindeer.
  • Unfortunately, not a great night for "bobcats." :)

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