MISTAKES I HAVE MADE IN MY MARRIAGE

I love my marriage with Lea. It is my greatest and most valued treasure on this earth. After nearly twenty years of marriage, I feel like we have a strong marriage. It’s taken a lot of work over the years, and I understand now that the minute I start taking it for granted is the minute it will stop growing. Just like keeping my body in shape takes effort, so does keeping my marriage in shape. I honestly think marriages are in one of two stages, either growing or declining depending upon the effort you’re putting in it.

I understand now that the minute I start taking my marriage for granted is the minute it will stop growing. And just like keeping my body in shape takes effort, so does keeping my marriage in shape.

Thankfully we’ve overcome some early mistakes we made in our marriage. I’ve sure made my share. The following are a few of the early mistakes I’ve made as a husband in my marriage, and I hope other husbands and marriages can learn from them.

  • I didn’t praise Lea enough publicly or privately. I didn’t realize the importance of praise and building up my wife.

  • I thought everything had to be “my way.” Thinking you always have to be right is not healthy. Most of the time it’s simple pride that gets in the way.

  • I charged things on credit cards (a no-no for young marriages). The number one reason for divorce in our country is financial problems in marriage and credit cards are often at the core of the financial problems. Pay them off and then cut those bad boys up and never use them again. I wish newlyweds weren’t allowed to have a credit card.

  • I didn’t think it was important to tell Lea things she really wanted or needed to know. It took me a while to learn to simply being open and honest. Openness and honesty is one of the top needs for women. Thankfully I finally caught on.

  • We didn’t date. Every couple should continue to date. Whether it’s going to eat together, walking together, catching a movie or just having time alone together, you need to date. It gives you time to reconnect. I challenge every husband to make it a PRIORITY to have a date with his wife! And men, you’ll earn extra points by being romantic if you’ll actually pick a restaurant you know she likes and have a plan for the evening rather than getting in the car and saying, “So…uh…where do you want to eat?”

  • I didn’t pray with Lea like I should. One if the greatest blessings in my life happened when I began to pray with Lea. Unfortunately it didn’t happen early in marriage. I have now found the value of praying with my wife. The intimacy that you find praying with your spouse is second-to-none. Nothing is more special than hearing my wife pray about the hurts, joys and concerns on her heart.

What were some of the mistakes you made early in your marriage?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
15 Comments Post a Comment
  1. a cowgirl at heart says:

    I played the “I wish” game a lot…

    I wish Richard was…
    I wish our house was…
    I wish we lived…
    I wish we had…

    It was definitely not productive. The longer we’ve been married, the more I understand and really try to be thankful and grateful for what Richard IS and what we HAVE! A change in that mentality has made our marriage and friendship that much better.

    I also didn’t trust Richard enough to take care of things. I would try to take control or I would get annoyed with the way he handled finances and things. When I started to give things to him completely and trust him with them (kind of like holding higher expectations for my students), he would step up and then I praised him like crazy! It sounds juvenile I know, but I know he needs it and I LOVE being able to brag on him!

  2. That Girl says:

    I tried to make Jeff something he wasn’t. I wanted him to be a better man because I didn’t like the man he wanted to be – he found someone who liked the man he was.

  3. Kim says:

    We celebrate 29 years of marriage this July. We were married before pre-marital counselling was a common practice. So the mistakes I made early in my marriage are numerous but I can probably narrow them down to the most significant ones.

    1. I expected my husband to meet needs that only God can meet.

    2. I failed to pray at all about our marriage, much less praying together. Now I pray about every aspect of our marriage and find our prayer time together to be the avenue for true intimacy.

    3. I did not understand how uniquely and differently God designed men and women. I know that seems so obvious but I learn more and more about how different he is from me and I am so thankful for it now.

  4. Stephanie says:

    everyone makes mistakes and I know that I will continue to make them…the one thing I regret is NOT FULLY TRUSTING my husband….I know that he would not hurt me or his family…also, I wished we made more time for each other…I know that is hard with kids and a busy schedule…but I need to try harder…but one thing I don’t regret….is ever starting to iron his clothes…
    thank you for this post…steph

  5. jamie riley says:

    Trey – once again I feel like we live the same struggles…my mistakes have been a lot like what you’ve posted here.
    It’s such an honor for a man to be blessed with one of God’s precious daughters…the problem comes when you take them for granted – and treat royalty as though it were common.

    My wife is so deserving of the best God can do through me…too often I have spent the best on myself, and left her with the loose change that’s left over.

    I love and appreciate you bro…Thanks for another powerful post!

  6. Brie says:

    Erm. We’ve only been married for three years. I’m still working on my list of screw-ups, I think. :)

  7. makegodsmile says:

    Terry,
    You’re a faster learner than I am. I’m still making every one of these mistakes but hopefully not as often as I once did. I love being married! I am not sure why but my wife Vicki says she does too. Wow, that’s great!
    Mark

  8. Matt H. says:

    Cheryl and I laughed so hard at the “So uh.. where do you want to eat?” That cracks me up, we both do that so much.

    So many mistakes, where do I start, hmmmm, well too many to list, but God has me going in the right direction now. Still not perfect but think I am doing better.
    Got to go, need to ask Cheryl where she want to eat. That kills me!

  9. willow says:

    i think we fell into a very common trap, “EVERYTHING WAS HIS PARENTS FAULT”!!!
    Every fight ended with the door slamming in my face after the “parent comments”.
    The 1st year was the worse and I soon learned to leave his folks out of it.

  10. Brie says:

    Oh, and random comment about the credit card thing. Although this seems counter-intuitive, the very best thing to do is to pay them off and then not use them. Or charge a tank of gas (OK, maybe half a tank of gas) a month and pay it off at the end of the month. The credit union that I work at did a seminar for its employees and explained that about 30% of your credit score comes from your capacity, i.e. available borrowing power. So if you pay off the cards, cancel them, and cut them up, then you’re getting rid of your capacity and could actually hurt your credit score.

    Of course, your credit cards being your only emergency fund is not a good thing either. ::cough:: We’re working on that.

  11. Stoogelover says:

    So you’re saying a young couple should not put the down payment on a house and furnishings on a credit card?!

    Good reflections. Early in my marriage I was more concerned about what other people thought of me than what my wife thought of me. I was, for the most part, a stay at home dad. That is, on weekdays. I preached on weekends and taught college psychology classes at night and was going to Harding Grad school one day a week for two and a half years … but I kept our son four days a week and had a very low self-esteem because I was not like every other husband. Truth was, I was Janice’s husband and that was all that mattered to her. I also worried far too much about financial things … and we were not ones to use credit cards. I just worry too much about too many things even today.

  12. Zack says:

    Trey, that is awesome advice! Right now I am single and have never married. Maybe some where down the road in life. I’ll certainly remember all of this wisdom. Thank you and God bless you!
    I took a course called Financial Peace University with Dave Ramsey. The credit card thing is so true. Young couples can quickly dig a financial grave for themselves so quickly. Thanks for sharing your advice with us. Be blessed!

  13. Milly says:

    Take it from someone who is ending it at 20 years and won’t see 21 years you have to work at it and so do they. An affair is not worth the fallout. Stay close to God. Respect each other. And know that you can’t do it alone.

  14. TREY MORGAN says:

    Brie – Good point. Problem is many people don’t have the discipline to pay it off each month.

    Milly – My heart breaks for you. I’m SO sorry. Thank you for your wisdom. You are in my prayers!

  15. joan says:

    Great post. Found your blog by way of Bluebird blogs. I really like your first point. I see too mant couples tear each other down instead of building each other up. Nice blog!

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • good list. Don't forget Nickelback, OJ, ISIS and beer-throwing Blue Jay fans.
  • He was pretty tough to listen to as well.
  • As crazy as it might sound, Chris Collinsworth just might be worse to listen to than the song Christmas Shoes.
  • Please remember that some Christmas music is incredibly offensive to people with grandmothers who actually were run over by reindeer.
  • Unfortunately, not a great night for "bobcats." :)

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