Sid, I understand your thought process here, however, it is, unfortunately, dead wrong. Romans 14:12 says “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” If I tell you about the law of gravity as you stand on the edge of a skyscraper, will the fact that you disagree with my reasoning combined with your unwillingness “to adhere” to that law keep you from dying a horribly grotesque death if you jump or fall from that skyscraper? Absolutely not.

No one here is asking you to adopt an opinion as fact. Every person here, regardless of tone, is speaking to you out of a pure love and sincere prayer that you come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. In that knowledge is the repentance of sin…one of which is pornography – despite your refusal to admit that it is sin.

Our society has done you a tremendous disservice – we have failed to call sin – sin. We have called it “freedom of speech,” “right to privacy,” “freedom of choice,” etc. But God is very clear that there is not one person on the earth now or ever in history who will escape the judgement that is to come. 2 Corinthians 5:10: “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ…”

Hebrews 9:27 And it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement.

Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

One of the synonyms of adultery is “fornication” meaning sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to one another. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

What is pornography if not: 1)fornication between two (or more) people who are not married to one another, and being viewed by someone NOT married to the ones performing the act; 2)men and women abusing themselves with mankind by putting themselves at risk for disease, abuse, and a host of other problems that come along with porn; 3)very often abusive to the women (and men) who participate in making the movie/photo/etc., and 4) extorting the God-given blessing of sex for monetary gain?

I don’t presume to understand how or why you came to the place where you feel it is permissable and profitable to view pornography, even within the confines of your marriage. But, you must look at this in light of what God sees. Again, saying you don’t believe in trucks and that as such, you can’t be harmed by one, is an argument that won’t mean anything as you are standing in the middle of a highway while a semi roars toward you.

Sid, I plead with you to get out of the road before the truck gets any closer. God is waiting on your call. I implore you to call on Him now, while He can still be found.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m sure you’re not the only person who has dealt with this the way you have. I do know that as a man my level of sexual temptation is almost none when my sexual life is happy and healthy at home.

Robert is right in saying that many times the wives are helpless in certain situations. You’re may be that situation.

Robert … well said.

I am very sorry to hear you had to deal with this issue first hand. I would agree that in very rare, extreme cases some men are not able to respond to normal practices of sexual relationships with their wives because of their own sin mounting in their lives. Of course, as you have stated this is not the wive’s fault but a fault of their own. Wives are really helpless in these situations as you have described until the husband decides he needs real help beginning from God.

1 John 2:16 is still very true. When anyone in any relationship is not content with their spouse and decides to go outside those walls for satisfaction (whether it be strip clubs, porn or other female companionship) this lust breeds sin and when the sin comes to fruition there is only spiritual death. It is very sad, but most spouses can do very little with a person like this until they decide to change. I don’t think Trey was insinuating that you be a call girl for your husband in these very extreme cases as you have described. I think the point is if the wife is never doing her part in being sexual for her husband (and for herself) then the husband will seek this relationship else where (correct me if I am wrong Trey).

I hope I’m not coming across with a critical spirit, I’m not trying to stir up trouble, just wanted to share that my experience has been different. I thank God that, yes, through the cross and resurrection we can have freedom and new life, that the power grace is greater than the power of sin. There is hope for more than managing lust, there is real hope for transformation.

Unfortunately, some of the “best debaters” really aren’t debating the issues, just debating semantics (philosophy majors maybe???). Secular, empirical study after study has shown the harmful effects of pornography on the human mind and how the addiction is blatantly progressive.

Secular research doesn’t seem to always mesh with our beliefs, but on cohabitation/marriage/pornography it most certainly does.

I work with young addicts and am constantly amazed at the denial that results from the pornography addiction. It is unfortunate how consumers of pornography minimize, justify, and rationalize their destructive behaviors.

It’s so refreshing to see godly men like yourself setting strong examples for your boys.

Take care,
Doug Chisholm

As a counselor, I see the horrific effects of pornography on young men on a regular basis. Your practical advice from experience is great (I refuse the movie channels as well for the same reason).

Lust comes from the sinful desires of the heart which makes it that much more important to abide in Christ and cultivate the heart on a daily basis through constant prayer, Scripture, and fellowship in a healthy community.

Keep blogging my friend. It’s a blessing!

Doug Chisholm

i agree with the guy who reminded us earlier abou what Jesus said of looking at women lustfully. adultery is explicitly stated as prohibited in the ten commandments. there is no way around it.

porn’s one purpose is to feed your lust. husbands and wives are supposed to be ther for each other, and not in the cheesy ‘little kid romance’ movie way either. personally, i find that gross, (im only thirteen.) however, it is the way of God so that is what we should do.

then, chew on this for a while,

what if it was your daughter in that picture??

You pointed out the qualification that pornography could poison the marriage given enough time “also admits that it is possible for pornography to not be poisonous if viewed for short enough time.” I’m no toxicologist, but I think that could be said for most any poison.

How much mercury contamination is too much? Look at how long our homes were painted with lead paint. But despite the fact that some children “won the lottery” and were healthy despite growing up in a home with lead paint, we as parents take great pains to ensure the environment in which we grow our families is as pure as possible.

Maybe you could view pornography one time, or ten times, or twenty times and not harm your marriage. Where is the line drawn? Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

I guess I could take offense to the line where you share what the cynic in you thinks about “religionists.” But the cynic in me is wondering why you are surprised that people posting on a blog hosted by a Christian pastor see the world from a Christian worldview.

To put it another way, if we really believe the behavior is harmful, what kind of people would we be if we didn’t try to encourage others to turn away from it? As Christians we believe in the word of God as revealed in the scriptures. I respect your right to drive off the edge of the cliff if that’s what you want, but don’t expect me to stop trying to flag you down before you get there.

Peace,
Ray

Monalea

Thanks for the feedback to my comments. I see a number of themes in the responses. I’ll try to address them all.

The first is a number of comments claim that while it may not be poison initially, pornography will poison a marriage given enough time. This is qualification that was not made in the original statement. It also admits that it is possible for pornography to not be poisonous if viewed for short enough time.

I won’t pretend that I know the future course of my marriage, so I’ll refrain from prognosticating. However I will point out that none of you know the future of my or any other marriage either. Claiming otherwise, as a number of you have, is dishonest. That is, unless you back up your claims with valid reasons and/or evidence. The only reason offered so far is “i just can’t see how that situation with you and your wife watching porn together won’t be harmful over time,” which is the personal incredulity fallacy (see my response to Maria).

Another theme is the claim that pornography and/or creating pornography is sinful. I have no doubt that almost all Christians believe this. But as a non-Christian, I am not bound by your stricter moral standards. Let me state that I have absolutely no problem with Christians or any other group holding themselves and other members of their group to stricter moral standards. I only have a problem when they hold non-members to moral standards to which they didn’t agree to. I believe that Christianities sexual moral codes are out-dated at best and harmful at worst. Thus, I do not agree to adhere to them. In short, not all pornography creation and consumption is a sin in my opinion. I don’t expect agreement on this, only understanding.

The third theme amounts to unsubstantiated claims as to how pornography negatively affects some people. These statements are nicely summed up by wjcsydney:

“Exposure to porn leads to the objectification of partners – especially women, to an increased need for more and more porn and more hard-core porn (because it is inherently unsatisfying) and an “idealization” of what the sex act/s should be like or could be like.”

Actually, my porn consumption has become less frequent and softer-core. While some may respond the way you suggest, not everyone does. I have also not seen any tendency towards objectification of partners/women. I respect all people as people and try to never objectify them for any reason, including sexual reasons.

Finally, the claim that porn consumption leads to ‘idealizing’ sex is not always accurate either. You see, pornography is fantasy, not reality. Expecting real sex to be like porn sex is like expecting the real earth to be like Middle Earth, complete with hobbits and wizards. There are some people that do have trouble separating fantasy from reality but I am not one of them. The cynic in me is not surprised that religionists may have more trouble than most when it comes to separating fantasy from reality, so it may be a real issue for believers.

I encourage you to check it out here.

Well said.

Also, here’s a little more on the subject of the Porn Myth :http://www.treymorgan.net/2007/08/porn-myth.html

Mark Driscoll from Mars Hill Church in Seattle has released an excellent ebook on this topic titled “Porn-Again Christian”. Very frank discussion of pornography and Christians. You can find it at http://relit.org/porn_again_christian/