MEN AND SEX

I’ve heard the quote that on average men think about sex every 7 seconds, I personally think that those numbers might be a little on the conservative side :-)

God is the creator of sex, and He made it to be GOOD (can I get an “Amen” here guys?!) in the confines of marriage. Yet, due to an onslaught of sex in our society, men are finding it harder and harder to keep themselves pure sexually.

I’m amazed that the porn industry makes more money every year than the NFL, MLB and NBA combined. Did you know that on the internet there are …

  • 4.2 million pornographic websites (12% of total websites)
  • 372 million pornographic pages
  • 25% of daily search engine requests are people searching for pornography.
  • 1.5 million people a day will visit a pornographic website

Pornography won’t spice up your sex life, it will poison it. It introduces false comparisons and can introduce distrust and selfishness into your marriage. The sexual relationship in your marriage was never intended to be compared to what you see on a video or in a magazine (Hebrews 13:4).

Sexual struggles, immorality and adultery have taken down lots of good husbands and fathers who belonged to God. Once you sexually crash and burn publicly, you’re life, your fathering skills, your ministry and your influence is never the same (see King David).

AS FOR ME? I’ll be honest (as I always am), sexual temptation is a huge temptation. If you think I’m not tempted because I’m a minister, you’re nuts! I’m tempted because sex is everywhere. It’s on every television channel, it’s in every movie, it’s on every webpage and in every magazine. It’s at the mall, in the movie theater and it’s at my house. That’s why I’ve tried to clean the house of anything that can tempt me (or one of my four boys). I don’t have HBO movie channels in my house. Some people can handle it, but I don’t want that temptation. Our internet activity can be viewed at anytime and by anyone. There are certain channels on my television that are blocked. Why? I DO NOT want it to be a temptation in my life. I want to be faithful to my God and my wife.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO OVERCOME SEXUAL TEMPTATION …

  • CONTROL WHAT YOU SEE: Men are very visual, so remove anything (television, internet, books, etc) from your home that might tempt you. Don’t go anywhere you cannot handle. Learn to keep your eyes in check.
  • SEEK GOD’S HELP AND FORGIVENESS: God has promised, you will not be tempted more that what you can bear. But you must be willing to confess your sins to Him and ask for His forgiveness and His strength.
  • PURSUE YOUR WIFE: Focus on what you have, not on what you don’t. Put your effort into pursuing the person you married by growing in your marriage. DON’T be like the idiot I met years ago who said after checking out a woman who walked by, “I may be on a diet, but it won’t hurt anything to check out the menu.” I think his marriage only lasted a few years. Quit flirting with other women and stop dropping by to see the lady you think is pretty! Pursue YOUR wife.
  • BE ACCOUNTABLE: Find another person that you trust that can keep you accountable. When you struggle tell them to pray for you and have them hold you accountable for overcoming your struggles. One of the greatest defenses I have in staying pure is a couple of men friends that are willing to talk about marriage and struggles with me.
  • WIVES, DON’T STARVE YOUR HUSBANDS: Too many times I’ve listened to wives whine about their husbands’ struggles with lust when all along it was the wife who was starving their husbands sexually. Don’t starve your husband sexually and then berate him for his hunger. If you want to protect your husband, do what the Bible says (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). Don’t deprive him, or you’ll make his struggle to be pure harder. You can do your part in keeping your husband from being vulnerable to sexual temptation. (For more on this topic click here).

One of these days my funeral will come. I COULD CARE LESS if anyone mentions if I was a good minister or could preach a good sermon. I DO NOT CARE if anyone mentions that I ever helped anyone. MY ONLY GOAL, as they stand over my dead body, is that they say, “He was faithful to God, his wife, and he was a good dad!”

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
54 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Robert Lukenbill says:

    Jul,

    I am very sorry to hear you had to deal with this issue first hand. I would agree that in very rare, extreme cases some men are not able to respond to normal practices of sexual relationships with their wives because of their own sin mounting in their lives. Of course, as you have stated this is not the wive’s fault but a fault of their own. Wives are really helpless in these situations as you have described until the husband decides he needs real help beginning from God.

    1 John 2:16 is still very true. When anyone in any relationship is not content with their spouse and decides to go outside those walls for satisfaction (whether it be strip clubs, porn or other female companionship) this lust breeds sin and when the sin comes to fruition there is only spiritual death. It is very sad, but most spouses can do very little with a person like this until they decide to change. I don’t think Trey was insinuating that you be a call girl for your husband in these very extreme cases as you have described. I think the point is if the wife is never doing her part in being sexual for her husband (and for herself) then the husband will seek this relationship else where (correct me if I am wrong Trey).

  2. TREY MORGAN says:

    Jul

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. I’m sure you’re not the only person who has dealt with this the way you have. I do know that as a man my level of sexual temptation is almost none when my sexual life is happy and healthy at home.

    Robert is right in saying that many times the wives are helpless in certain situations. You’re may be that situation.

    Robert … well said.

  3. Toni says:

    But as a non-Christian, I am not bound by your stricter moral standards. Let me state that I have absolutely no problem with Christians or any other group holding themselves and other members of their group to stricter moral standards. I only have a problem when they hold non-members to moral standards to which they didn’t agree to. I believe that Christianities sexual moral codes are out-dated at best and harmful at worst. Thus, I do not agree to adhere to them. In short, not all pornography creation and consumption is a sin in my opinion. I don’t expect agreement on this, only understanding.

    Sid, I understand your thought process here, however, it is, unfortunately, dead wrong. Romans 14:12 says “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God.” If I tell you about the law of gravity as you stand on the edge of a skyscraper, will the fact that you disagree with my reasoning combined with your unwillingness “to adhere” to that law keep you from dying a horribly grotesque death if you jump or fall from that skyscraper? Absolutely not.

    No one here is asking you to adopt an opinion as fact. Every person here, regardless of tone, is speaking to you out of a pure love and sincere prayer that you come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. In that knowledge is the repentance of sin…one of which is pornography – despite your refusal to admit that it is sin.

    Our society has done you a tremendous disservice – we have failed to call sin – sin. We have called it “freedom of speech,” “right to privacy,” “freedom of choice,” etc. But God is very clear that there is not one person on the earth now or ever in history who will escape the judgement that is to come. 2 Corinthians 5:10: “For we must all appear before the judgement seat of Christ…”

    Hebrews 9:27 And it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgement.

    Exodus 20:14 Thou shalt not commit adultery.

    One of the synonyms of adultery is “fornication” meaning sexual intercourse between partners who are not married to one another. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.”

    What is pornography if not: 1)fornication between two (or more) people who are not married to one another, and being viewed by someone NOT married to the ones performing the act; 2)men and women abusing themselves with mankind by putting themselves at risk for disease, abuse, and a host of other problems that come along with porn; 3)very often abusive to the women (and men) who participate in making the movie/photo/etc., and 4) extorting the God-given blessing of sex for monetary gain?

    I don’t presume to understand how or why you came to the place where you feel it is permissable and profitable to view pornography, even within the confines of your marriage. But, you must look at this in light of what God sees. Again, saying you don’t believe in trucks and that as such, you can’t be harmed by one, is an argument that won’t mean anything as you are standing in the middle of a highway while a semi roars toward you.

    Sid, I plead with you to get out of the road before the truck gets any closer. God is waiting on your call. I implore you to call on Him now, while He can still be found.

  4. TREY MORGAN says:

    Toni – Your reply and words were excellent. Thank you for taking the time to write.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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