Yesterday I looked through some of the referrals on my blog. Those are the little stats that tell me what people were looking for in Google that brought them to my blog. Here were a few I saw within seconds…
- “How to tell my wife she spends too much time on Facebook”
- “Husband is hiding stuff on Facebook”
- “Is being friends on Facebook with an old girlfriend wrong?”
Then yesterday, Smart Money puts out a article called, “Does Facebook Wreck Marriages?” that has some shocking starts. What shocked me the most was the statistic that last year OVER 1/3 of the divorce filings included the word “Facebook.” Here’s a little of what they said …
“Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg changed his status to “married” Saturday and received over one million “likes” from his followers. But the site he founded isn’t always so marriage-friendly. In fact, lawyers say the social network contributes to an increasing number of marriage breakups.
More than a third of divorce filings last year contained the word Facebook, according to a U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a legal services firm. And over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys say they’ve seen a rise in the number of cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. “I see Facebook issues breaking up marriages all the time,” says Gary Traystman, a divorce attorney in New London, Conn. Of the 15 cases he handles per year where computer history, texts and emails are admitted as evidence, 60% exclusively involve Facebook.”
See how important it is that our marriages have some rules, guidelines and accountability for things like Facebook? Maybe you need a refresher on a few guidelines for married couples. I’ll call them the “10 Commandments for Facebook and Marriage.”
- Don’t spend more time on Facebook than you should. How much time is that? It depends on what your spouse says. Communicate with your spouse and ask them, “Am I spending too much time online?” You want to make sure your spouse is your number 1 relationship, not your buddies on Facebook. Pursue your spouse more than you pursue online relationships. Don’t Facebook during “couple” time (ie. When your wife asks you to watch a movie with her, do you Facebook through it? Or don’t facebook every night instead of going to bed with your husband.).
- NEVER hide things from your spouse on Facebook. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a 1000 more times; openness and honesty is the glue of your marriage. When you start hiding friendships, conversations, chat sessions and comments from your spouse, THAT IS UNHEALTHY. If you’re not allowing your spouse to know what you’re doing on Facebook or online, that’s a sign that you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing. Cheating on your spouse online is JUST AS WRONG as physically cheating on your spouse. If you’re doing it … STOP IT!
- Share your Facebook password with your spouse. I share every password with Lea … from my Facebook account to every email address I have. Why would I want to do that? It’s called trust, and it’s also called accountability. Knowing my wife can open my laptop at anytime and read anything I’m doing, or see any place I’ve gone, keeps me accountable. Nine times out of ten I don’t even sign out of Facebook, so I know when Lea gets on the computer she can see anything she wants. It’s very healthy. Don’t hide things from your spouse. Make sure you regularly tell them, “You are welcome to see what I’m doing anytime.”
- NEVER EVER EVER befriend anyone of the opposite sex that your spouse is uncomfortable with. SERIOUSLY, befriending an old boyfriend or girlfriend should NEVER be done without fully discussing it with your spouse. AND, if they are even in the slightest way uncomfortable with you befriending anyone of the opposite sex … don’t do it. Don’t search for old boyfriends and girlfriends. Simple communication with your spouse about this is best.
- Defriend anyone who crosses normal boundaries. If someone is saying things, doing things or asking questions online that make you uncomfortable OR would make you uncomfortable in person, then that’s not a good sign. Listen to the little voice in your head. If something tells you “this isn’t right,” then it’s probably not. Never be ashamed or afraid to defriend someone that may have ulterior motives. You marriage relationship is your #1 concern, not the feelings of an old Jr. High flame.
- If you’re married, PROUDLY set your “Relationship Status” to married. Seriously … proudly shout to the world … I AM MARRIED! I wish there was a “Happily Married” status or for that matter, an “I’m madly in love with my incredibly gorgeous wife.” I’d change my status to that in a heartbeat.
- Post pictures of you and your spouse on your Facebook, OR use a “couple” picture as your profile picture.
- Don’t be afraid to proclaim your love for your spouse on Facebook. Someone of the opposite sex won’t question your love for your spouse if you occasionally brag on your spouse on your Facebook status. It’s one of the healthiest things you can do … to brag on your spouse, and doing it in public conveys your love for your spouse to the world. It doesn’t bother me one drop to tell the world just how much I love my wife.
- NEVER use my status to complain about my spouse. Not smart! Facebook is not for you to air your grievances to the world about your spouse.
- Think before you type. Don’t make comments on statuses and pictures of other people that come across as suggestive. Men, THINK how it’s going to look before you click “like” on some girl’s picture that was taken at a swimming pool. Wives, think before you praise another man on Facebook more than you would your husband.
Remember …. no matter how many friends you have on Facebook, your #1 friend in this world should be your spouse. Strive to better that relationship on a daily basis. Work 1000 times harder to grow in that relationship than you do at finding friends on Facebook. NEVER take your relationship with your spouse for granted. THE LAST THING YOU WANT is 1000 Facebook friends, while the love between you and your best friend slowly dies out.