IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY SERMON I’LL SMASH YOU

It’s been the video game Halo that has been getting all the news of late. Churches are being called out for using violent video games, such as the popular game Halo, to attract teens to youth events. The New York Times wrote a piece recently called “Thou Shalt Not Kill, Except In Church?” If you’d like to read a good article on this subject, my friend Brandon wrote a great piece on this subject.

BUT … while that may be the popular video game news right now, I think we’re missing out on an even better video game called “Altar Egos – Rumble in the Pew.” The game hasn’t been released yet, but I’m thinking I want the first copy. The video game is set in a church where people can clobber each other with songbooks and other church items. You seek out the person you’re annoyed with and whack them. It is truly a “rumble in the pew.”

Can you imagine … if someone says, “Your sermon stunk,” I can smack them with a microphone stand. Or, I can tell the song leader, “Oh yeah? Well your song selection was lousy,” and then bonk him over the head with a family-size Bible.

Altar Egos does have a point: to find the hidden church check book and clear the preacher’s office of all other players, but most people just enjoy the rumble. “I like ripping up the hymnals. I don’t know why,” says one executive minister who asked not to be identified. Can you imagine a game where people are hurling folding chairs and offering plates at each other, and yelling Bible-inspired insults (“I’m gonna lay waste to you, snake.” Whack!).

So just remember, if you think playing Halo is bad at church functions, remember that it could always be worse!

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
25 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    Trey, at first I started to laugh when reading your article but then it made me want to cry. The truth is some just love the game(fight) because they love to win(control). They focus has to remain Jesus Christ and Him Crucified! Thanks for the spiritual check-up. Love ya, Eddie

    PS. Healing is a wonderful thing!!!

  2. john dobbs says:

    Looks like a fun game!

    Really, though, it’s easier to fight than to exercise grace. But we have to discipline ourselves…fighting is just too destructive.

    Blessings to you Trey!

  3. Robert Lukenbill says:

    That church video game reminds me of where I last preached…

    no joke…LOL

  4. Greg says:

    Does the game have any “Stooge effects” such as eye-poking, ear-pulling, pie in the face, yanking a hand full of hair out of a scalp, dragging someone around by the nose … that kind of stuff? If so, I’ll be getting a copy of that game. If not, it’s just a lousy imitation of another boring church fight.

    Years ago, the father of my best friend was a deacon / ex-Army sgt. We were having a rather heated “congregational meeting” (from hell) when he raised his hand to make a comment. The elder presiding over the meeting called on him. His comment: Can we stop all this bitching and go to lunch? I seconded his motion! It was passed and we all went to lunch. He told me at lunch, “Did I say ‘bitching’? I can’t believe I said that.”

  5. Bob Bliss says:

    Greg, are you sure he didn’t say, “This meeting is bitchen, but can we go to lunch?”

    Trey, I’ve been told that Halo was created by a guy that is a believer. The main character’s name is John 117 which stands for John 1:17. Have you heard anything about that?

  6. TREY MORGAN says:

    Bob – I haven’t heard that. Interesting thought though.

    Greg – Love the special effects thought. A good eye-poke to the deacon that vetoed your last raise can do a preacher good :)

  7. preacherman says:

    Trey,
    Excellent post brother.
    I really like the articles and game. :-)
    Keep up the great work.

  8. Monalea says:

    Good post! Do you get extra points for jumping over a pew while poking in the eye?

    Monalea aka www

  9. millerjmike says:

    I think the game should have a hidden level that you can unlock where you can select people from church history to slug it out. Can you imagine Martin Luther vs. Pope Leo X? Or how about Henry VIII vs. Pope Clement VII? I’d buy it.

  10. jel says:

    Trey, U are joking about that game?

    and Greg, I can’t belive you said that!! shocked I tell ya just shocked !!!!!!!

  11. TREY MORGAN says:

    Gord … I do appreciate your seriousness. Yes, this was all written in “tongue and cheek,” although the game IS real.

    ha ha ha … hidden levels. This is too much fun. Miller … lol

  12. lisa says:

    I wonder if you get to stomp on the children crawling under the pews. J/K

    In seriousness, though — Ugh, just awful. I’ve never really gotten the attraction of fight video games. It seems to me to be a guy thing, getting out all those punches they wish they could throw in real life but can’t.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Is this for real?

    Paula

  14. TREY MORGAN says:

    LIsa … I wonder if it’s like the old Batman television shows where the words “BAM” and “BOOM” come up on the screen?

    Paula … real game. Just not out yet?

  15. Brandon Price says:

    I am reading a GREAT book right now called “Will The Real Heretics Please Stand Up” by David W. Bercot and it is a study on what the early church did, believed, taught, and participated in based on documents we have from that time period.. It is VERY good, and VERY convicting and covers even what the early church thought about the Roman games.

  16. Keith Brenton says:

    It’s only been about 20 years since a fistfight broke out in front of the largest CofC in Little Rock just hours before a regional teacher’s workshop on a Wednesday night. It made the 5:00pm news. My mom had timed a visit to me from Indiana to attend. We saw the TV report and didn’t go. That church has since moved, dwindled to nothing, and another bought its downtown building and is growing, offering bilingual worship.

    In retrospect, I can’t say that I see this game or Halo or that fistfight as any different when siblings in Christ assassinate each other spiritually for differences in doctrine.

    So, in a way, Altar Ego(e)s would be old news in a new polyethylene wrapper. If it turns out to be real, that is.

    You can search EA Games site, but you won’t find any information on a game by that name. On the other hand, there’s nothing at Snopes.com about it being a prank, either.

  17. TREY MORGAN says:

    Keith … sad, very sad story. And really? … As for the game, I hope it’s not real.

  18. Beverly says:

    exactly….great post

  19. Keith Brenton says:

    Dude, you prankin’ us.

    http://www.larknews.com/february_2007/secondary.php?page=1 – Altar Egos video game a ‘guilty pleasure’ is a feature on Lark News, the totally-fabricated tongue-in-cheek “church news” site.

    Sadly, my story was not a prank. It really happened; the fisticuffs took place between parties in a lawsuit over church leadership.

  20. AncientWanderer says:

    people, people, people-

    Think about it. The modern U.S. market is going to develop a game based on “Church”? Even if it is “Rumble in the Pews”?

    Now,
    Satan
    Drugs
    Prostitutes
    Racing
    Gang Wars

    But not anything even slightly “religious”…… ever!!!!

  21. Falantedios says:

    Does the game let you spank other peoples’ unruly children? :)

    And AW, Christianity is big business in America 2007. There are several “Bible-based” video games out there, and parents spend more and more money every year on finding new ways to let others teach their children the truth.

    in HIS love,
    Nick

  22. brian says:

    is there online forum for preachers to play against each other to relieve stress???

  23. Falantedios says:

    LOL now THAT is an idea whose time has come!

    Although I recommend a punching bag in one’s garage or pugil sticks with the youth group!

    Nick

  24. TREY MORGAN says:

    Hey guys, Been gone all day. Glad to find out that the game is not real. Thanks Keith for check out the real story.

    Don’t you wish that the only fighting that ever took place in the church was in video games? Yea, me too.

  25. Kevin says:

    Too bad it’s not real… I would have like to play the Wii version where you have to actually swing and punch :)

    (kidding around of course)

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • good list. Don't forget Nickelback, OJ, ISIS and beer-throwing Blue Jay fans.
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