I DON’T HAVE A DAD ANYMORE

Walking back to my office from the elementary school, I stopped to talk to a little boy who was sitting by himself on the curb, waiting on his ride home.

Me: “Hey buddy, did you have a good day?”

Boy: “Yep!”

Me: “Cool. You going to play flag football this year?”

Boy: “Yep!”

Me (thinking no more yes/no questions for this kid): “Who’s picking you up today?”

Boy: “My mom.”

Me: “You’re lucky to have a good mom to come and pick you up. Does your dad ever pick you up?”

Boy: “I don’t have a dad anymore. He left.”

Me: “I am so sorry.”

Boy (looking at the ground now): “Me too.”

And my heart officially broke right there!

Dads, please stay part of your kids lives. Please be a dad!

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1158 articles by
41 Comments Post a Comment
  1. mudpuppy says:

    Man that makes me sick to my stomach.

  2. Stoogelover says:

    It just doesn’t get much sadder than that. A dad dying is one thing … we deal with that often … but a dad just walking away? Your blog is much to clean for me to write what I think of such “men.”

  3. johndobbs says:

    My dad waited until I was 19 or so to exit my life … no idea where he is or if he is still alive. At least we had him until then. So sad for the children who suffer the voluntary loss of a parent.

  4. Cecelia Tanner says:

    How tragic.Some men can be such irresponsible creeps.

  5. Matthew says:

    This is painful to read and heart breaking. Powerful point, be a dad.

  6. Larissa says:

    Yikes…that hits home, but it hits home to a whole lot of people, not just me.

    That makes me sad…maybe you should tell a joke later or something.

  7. Tim Archer says:

    AMEN!!!

    Enough of the selfishness.

    Grace and peace,
    Tim

  8. TREY MORGAN says:

    I sure was wishing his dad could have heard this conversation.

  9. dgossett says:

    and my heart breaks as well…

  10. Anonymous says:

    “sigh”

    everclear played the local free musicfest last weekend. I didn’t hear them but after reading your post, just heard Father of Mine (“Daddy gave me a name…then he walked away”) on internet radio, which also hurts, and reminded me of your post again.

    brian,
    http://blogprophet.wordpress.com

  11. Brie says:

    My little brother asked my mom the other day when he was going to have a dad again. He’s turning 10 tomorrow, and Dad died almost four years ago.

    Not the same as a Dad walking away, but still hard to hear that coming from a little one.

  12. Marci says:

    I agree, be a dad. It’s hard to hear..yet, parents, both moms and dads, walk away from their childrens’ lives everyday…it is so sad. I hate seeing it and I cannot imagine what a child would feel like, and yet it’s not their fault.

  13. Preston Belt, Beautiful Downtown Lockney, Texas says:

    I wonder sometimes if we don’t do enough teaching about parenting sometimes. So many people see mom/dad just walk away from situations, maybe cause that is what happened to them. I would like to talk to this guy and explain to him some of the heartache I dealt with growing up without my dad. I had an awesome step-father, but my dad died when I was 7. Just pray that someone enters the boy’s life and teaches him better!

  14. Zach Detwiler says:

    My wife and I just welcomed a child into our lives – I CAN NOT IMAGINE ever leaving.. I often wonder what would push a person to leave a child that is completely innocent. Breaks my heart today – Things like this even hinder that child for having a relationship with the Lord because their dad left why wouldn’t they compare them?
    Zach

  15. coffeedrinkingpreacher says:

    God bless you, Trey, for loving that child. He may never know your name, but he may never forget what you did.

    This post unearthed some bad, bad memories.

    I remember one particular day being at car riders in the second grade. I used to ride the bus, but with my parents divorcing again, my mother had different ‘friends’ pick me up and take me to their homes. I was excited that day because my dad was supposed to pick me up. I wanted to see where he was living. I just wanted to see him. I just wanted to stay with one of them, and sleep in ‘my bed’.

    After sometime, I was the last student there. The teachers made it quite clear, in front of me, that they had things to do, and I needed to be picked up. When they learned my father was actually supposed to get me, they called his work. I finally saw him fly into the parking lot – he was angry. He was called out of work to pick me up, and he didn’t even know he was supposed to. He had to have me sit in the warehouse while he finished loading the trucks. I bothered my mother, I was in the way at strangers’ homes, and I felt I was now in my Dad’s way. All I knew to do was do my homework, eat my supper, and not complain. I did that, and I was STILL in the way. I was even bothering the teachers that day.

    I would love to have had a “trey” that day just talk nicely to me. There were people that lived like Trey that came into my life down the road. They left a huge impression on me. I don’t remember many names, but I do remember what they did!!! This is exactly the kind of love I hope we are giving to the world. It is not always about making sure we get a Bible study set up.

    Incidentally, I found out years later that my mother set my Dad up that day to look unfit in front of the teachers, and also make him look bad in my eyes. Thankfully, I was reunited with my Dad when I was 16. We both missed out on some important years in our lives from each other, but I thank God to this day that I really matter to him. My children have a Poppa that they know loves them, and he sees them every time he can.

    Brothers and sisters, I beg you to please be observant. We do not have to go to a foreign country, or a homeless shelter, to show love. Sometimes the greatest opportunity is sitting right there on the curb.

  16. TREY MORGAN says:

    Hey coffee-drinking-preacher, I think we need to meet for a cup of coffee sometime. :)

    Thanks for sharing your heart. I know that must have been incredibly tough to do. I felt your hurt and pain in every line. Hopefully everyone one will read this and realize how much hurt can be done in the life of a child. My heart hurts with you.

    Thanks for your kind words. I really don’t feel like I did anything any more special than anyone else would have done. But I do feel God put me at that moment and place to talk to that young boy.

    Again, thanks SO much for sharing.

  17. Ryan Mills says:

    This is the reason I never thought twice about adopting Tanner. Makes me want to stomp guts when I hear stories like this.

  18. cwinwc says:

    Perhaps, just perhaps if Dads could have a vision of conversations like the one you had with that little boy, they might wave off the selfish impulse and stick it out in a marriage for the sake of the kids.

  19. David Kirk says:

    Thanks for sharing!

  20. Adam Gonnerman says:

    Ouch. Glad I had both parents. Reading the comments, I’m going to remind myself to work harder on my tongue and temper around the kids. I’d never want either of them to feel unwanted or inconvenient.

  21. Bobby Cohoon says:

    Thanks for posting this in our “who’s your baby daddy” world!

    Bobby

  22. roadtripray says:

    CoffeeDrinker — Thank you for sharing your story. It’s a story that needed to be told in hopes that fewer boys will have to live it.

    Peace,
    Ray

  23. Anonymous says:

    Sometimes Dads don’t see their kids because moms do everything in their power to keep it from happening, from lying and manipulation to threats. I know several dads who adore their children but see them rarely because of the efforts of the mom to keep them apart. The dads I know keep fighting to see their babies and I know they will fight and fight but it makes it hard. The moms then go around telling everyone, blogging about it, that their dead beat husbands have nothing to do with their kids. Sometimes we jump to conclusions about the dads when we really need more info about the moms.

  24. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous …. I have no doubt that there are always “other sides to the story.” Thanks for sharing that.

  25. Joshua Tucker says:

    Thanks for this post, Trey. I’m reading “Family-Based Youth Ministry” right now, and it’s making me think about a lot. More and more people come from broken homes, myself included. I can’t even remember my parents being married.

    I remember I felt so alone, even when I came into the Church. Everybody had their own family but I didn’t have one. This so badly makes me want to help the Church be the healthy family so many don’t have… a family willing to adopt anyone.

    I don’t know the story of this kid, but I know there’s many in the same boat. Where’s the father? More and more dads are leaving or turning into Homer Simpson. They’re absent, in one way or another. Where have all the fathers gone?

    I’m so glad God eventually gave me dads in the Church to look up to, men who helped me along when I felt like an orphan. As men we can be dads to the younger generation, willing to listen and invest real relationships with them.

    In one survey seeing which kids stayed in Church after they graduated high school, a wopping 90% of the ones who stayed faithful claimed they had a half dozen “mentors” in their lives. No one can replace a parent, but as Christians the Church can be a family that so many young people are growing up without.

  26. Robert Lukenbill says:

    Very sad indeed. I pray his father will reconsider his actions.

  27. Gallagher says:

    WOW! This broke my heart but made me think….We need to be part of our children’s lives!

  28. Anonymous says:

    Trey,

    This breaks my heart.

    I’m faced with a situation that I’m having to decide what is going to be best for the children. What do you think? Is it better to have a present father who belittles, causes you strife and mistreats your mother….or….is it better to just not have a dad around?

    EG

  29. Anonymous says:

    I knew of a little boy one time who sat on the front step with his suitcase packed for daddy to take him to his house for the weekend.
    Daddy didn’t come, all day. He just didn’t come. I felt sick to my heart, how could he do that? I didn’t know him but knew he must be very selfish. Don’t forget Mama’s do things like that, also. I can’t understand it at all. I’m afraid I have to really work on not being judgemental and critical
    of parents (I don’t think they really are) who are negligent of their children. I don’t have a father or mother anymore, they are with God. But it makes me so happy
    to know I have had a Father all of my life who understands me and loves me and never gives up on me no matter what. Praise God for whom all blessings flow. gmj

  30. Anonymous says:

    EG,I understand your situation. I’ve thought about the same thing a thousand times. We can’t look into the future so there is no easy answer. My prayers are with you!

  31. TREY MORGAN says:

    EG – I’m a little confused with what is going on, but it doesn’t sound good. If you’re my E.G. from OK, call me or email me!!!

    Trey

  32. Anonymous says:

    Trey –

    You don’t know me….Not your EG from OK…sorry if that confused you. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. Got here through Rex’s blog. On there I’m email girl. (EG) I appreciate the things you say and the way you talk about your family and friends. Your blog is encouraging and thought provoking. Thank you. Your “dad” blog just hit home with me right now because its a decision I’m having to make in my life and its not easy to know whats best. Dad or no dad….either way, in my childrens case, is not the best scenario. So I’m trying to find the lesser of two evils and take that road.

    You don’t know me…but I’ve known of you. I’m pretty sure you were in the same AIM class as a dear friend of mine. I was an AIMer a couple of years later. I liked reading that your son is now in AIM….its so great when it comes full circle like that. Warms my heart.

  33. TREY MORGAN says:

    EG – Thanks for the help. I have a close friend that occasionally posts as EG. But that doesn’t stand for “Email girl” :)

    Thanks for your kind words about my blog. And if you’re reading Rex’s blog, then you’re okay by me. Rex is and always will be one of the difference makers in my life.

    I’m not exactly sure what all you’re going though, but I want you to know I prayed for you. I asked God to give you wisdom to make good decisions. I then asked him to give you peace after you make your decision.

    AIM is a great thing. Thanks for sharing those things with me today. Hang in there!

  34. Dad Stuff says:

    That is quite heartbreaking. It makes me want to be his dad too.

  35. belinda says:

    I’m not sure it is easier when the dad dies . . . My husband died (suddenly) when my children were 8 and 11. He was a great dad! He was always outside in the afternoons with them. Months after he died, someone asked my dad about what had happened. He knew something must have because he hadn’t seen anything of any of them in months. My children have struggled a lot with trying to understand the “why” of their dad “going away.” It breaks my heart to this day, 19 1/2 yrs. later.

  36. Gallagher says:

    Trey,

    Volunteering at the school brings new life to me because I see them same thing you saw. My wife always jokes that I have more kids than I do, because so many of the ones without a father just attach to my hips.

    It humbles me and makes me hug my children more each day. We will pray for that young man as he grows!

    Keep up the good work!

  37. Trace says:

    Trey,

    We talked about this in our men’s group last night. Exodus 20:5 speaks to the sins of a father effecting generations.

    I don’t think we will ever understand how our selfishness can impact our kids, their kids and their kid’s kids.

    Thanks for bringing this topic up. Dad’s need to be reminded that everything is not about us.

  38. Family Dads says:

    Thank you for the reminder to all of us dads, Trey. In a culture that isn’t exactly “dad-friendly”, we dads need all the encouragement and support we can get!

  39. Anonymous says:

    Trey – I just found your website. I am searching for a book to try and explain to my little boy why he does not have a dad anymore. But more importantly to help him know what a gift from God he is and that this HAD/HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM. Can you recommend anything? My little boy is 6 and his counselor believes that on some level he knows his dad is never coming back, but the permanence is too much for him to express or even address. She has given me tools to help him deal with this, but how do you tell your little boy ‘your dad is never coming back’? I don’t want to speak poorly of his dad, because that may reflects how he thinks I think about him (my son is very aware that he is here because of his father and me – he talks about his special bolld type which could only be made up of my blood and his dads), but I also don’t want him idealizing this worthless piece of trash who chose to terminate his parental rights rather than pay child support.

    Please any guidance from anyone out there would be a blessing.

    About me, I raise my son and have raised my son in a Christian environment. I don’t do drugs, drink, engage in immoral activities. I go to church parenting classes and seminars to be more and understand more about my son. I don’t spank and the product of that is a well thought little boy who is as independent and respectful as they come. I go to work (accountant), go to church and raise my son.

    Any comments, assistance, prayers would be welcome.

    Angela

  40. TREY MORGAN says:

    Angela … Thanks for your comment. Email me when you get time. I have some suggestions for you and some book ideas.

    treymorgan@msn.com

    Thanks,

    Trey

  41. Anonymous says:

    I know how this is,but am now trying to be with my sons' father so he can stay in my sons' life its' the only was.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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