HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT DATING YOUR SPOUSE?

I know it’s hard sometimes when you still have children at home, but it’s healthy and essential for your marriage to spend time with just your mate. That’s why you and your spouse should go on a date once a week and go for an overnight date once a month. It’s also been said you and your spouse should get away for a weekend trip twice a year.

Lea and I find it easy to date once a week, but it’s much tougher to get away for an overnight trip once a month. Sometimes we’re only able to once a quarter. One of the things we struggled with as a young couple was not feeling guilty about leaving our kids. We finally learned that even though it’s tough to find a place for the kids, they’ll survive without you.
I’m doing a wedding in south Texas tomorrow, so we’re going to be able to pull off the “over night” trip this Friday and Saturday. We’ve got friends watching the boys, and Lea and I are excited about spending some time together this weekend. Just the drive time alone will give us a chance to catch up with what’s been going on.
I’m curious…
  • How well do you (or did you) do at the once a week date and once a month trip thing?
  • Do you (or did you) struggle with leaving your children?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
19 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    My husband and I had always made it a priority to have a "weekend away" every once in awhile. I thought it was great for our marriage and helped us to "get to know one another" again. It seems though as the years have passed and "issues" have come up, it's the last thing on our minds. I wish we were "that" couple now, as we were then. We are "struggling" now, and it seems hard to get back to that "in love" couple we once were. I admire you and Lea's relationship with one another, and your willingness to keep going strong.

  2. Donna G says:

    We used to struggle with leaving the kids…not for a few hours but the overnight thing. But we would find time together where we could. Now we still need to get away to feel like we are "away". But it is still a priority.

  3. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – that was a powerful testamony.

  4. Dawn Jenkins says:

    It is hard for Ronnie and I to get in the once a week "date" due to the fact both sets of grandparents live out of town. We do get away at least once every few months for weekend trips. The highlight from our last trip was dinner the first night there. We sat and laughed for over an hour after dinner. I do not feel guilty,because I realized the best gift we can give our kids is a mommy and daddy that "ENJOY" each other. Great post!

  5. David says:

    We try to date once a week. I'm proud to say I kidnapped her about three weeks ago for an overnight date!

  6. Peter P says:

    I could make every excuse under the sun why we don't.. money, time, babysitters, money, work, money etc etc but the fact is we're not intentional enough – and that's all there is to it!

  7. Karen says:

    When my kids were "little", we rarely went anywhere without them. I was a nursing mom and didn't leave my babies. We also moved a lot as a military family and had a hard time knowing folks we'd leave our kids with. It's been easier as they got older. We still don't date often enough, and our nights away have been relegated to househunting trips when we've been in the middle of a move. I think that will change once we make our next move. I'll be 15 minutes away from my sister, who has already offered her services as surrogate mom. We're already planning to go to the Pepperdine Lectures sans kids next May!

  8. Rodney says:

    While we can easily date weekly (just hire a baby-sitter), the monthly or even yearly "out of town without the kids thing" is almost impossible for us. We have a 3 and 5 year old and no family nearby. Perhaps when they're older this will be a little easier?

    Pastoring with young children is an adventure, for sure!

  9. *Princess Mommy* says:

    I am so thankful for my dad. His eagerness to keep my kids ANYTIME is one of the things I know keeps my marriage as close as it is. So even when we may not have the $$ to go "out" or spend a weekend away, we always get at least one night a week totally to ourselves. You don't always have to leave home to have a date night :)
    THANKS DAD!!!

  10. Stoogelover says:

    And then you hit the empty nest and you're "alone together" about 95% of the time. Still good to date, though.

  11. Genelle says:

    The greatest plan you can have for those 'empty nest' years is not a retirement plan, but a plan for a true connection with your spouse. If your spouse is not your favorite companion for time away from the children, then you need to do some soul searching and rediscover the qualites that you loved about your spouse that made you want to spend your life with that one special person. Hopefully, you will have many 'empty nest' years and you and your spouse want that to be some of the most glorious years of your life.

  12. Michael says:

    I am not married yet, but I do remember my parents really had a hard time leaving my brother, sister, and I even if it was just for one evening. They did double date with their best friends every now and again, though.

  13. Nelson's Mama says:

    We don't manage to get away once a month, but when my husband travels to a fun destination for work I tag along as often as I can. Or we travel with friends or sometimes cruise.

    Our kids are 17 & 12 now, but we've ALWAYS taken periodic vacations without them – and made no apologies for it. I love them with with all of my heart…would die for them.

    But, I also believe that I have a duty to take care of my 28 year marriage and quite frankly, I enjoy the company of my husband without them around!

  14. Mike says:

    Dating you spouse is key. We plan events but also arrange surprise times away. I relationship must be kept fun and free.

  15. Eternity_23 says:

    my husband and i were newly married after only meeting a few months before [i said it]. then 15 weeks later after MEETING we found out i was pregos. what a whirlwind. so we lost a ton of that connecting time most couples have. it's been almost two years and WOW it was TOUGH. getting to know someone, getting used to the idea that we're going to become parents together, and so on. it's still a struggle but even as a young couple we do our best to get back to finding time to connect. he works everyday almost all day except sunday which makes everything even harder. we've bought the questionnaire books, we've bought the questionnaire games, we've made up our own questions. haha. i must say we're very lucky to be a couple who jumped in, had a baby, and are still madly in love. we take what we can as we also don't have family near by. so usually after 8 when our lil boy goes to sleep for the night we cram in all we can. a movie, a talk, cuddling, a good dinner. these few moments are worth everything knowing we really have our whole lives to spend with each other and get to know the other.

    [sorry so long. my fingers just kept going!]

  16. Laura says:

    Does it say something bad about us if we don't have trouble leaving the kids? Seriously, as a former stay-at-home mom, I can definitely say that time away from the kids is very important (for them and their parents).

  17. Anonymous says:

    When you don't live close to family, you always have a church family that can help babysit. Many years when we lived 350 miles from "home" we had surrogate grandparents, aunts, and uncles.

  18. Sarah says:

    I'm with Laura — I am A-OK with leaving the kids, and they are getting to the age that we can leave them here alone to go out. Finances are the hardest part for us, especially about the one weekend a month away. That would be really difficult. I thought we were doing good to get away every year — and we haven't been away this year! It's time…

  19. Cecelia (YAHWEHCAREGIVER) says:

    How ironic that you should blog on this very subject, Trey.
    Andrew & I have been having this issue ourselves and have discussed at length how to remedy the dilemma.
    We don't date the way we'd like/want to and being able to get away overnight? That's a colossal joke in itself.
    One of the many, many reasons I know my marriage failed to my son's father, was the lack of that time together.
    My Mother lives nearby, but asking her to watch her grandson, putting it nicely, her and my step-father were rather very cruel about it.
    You just didn't and don't ask without being ostracized, ridiculed and belittled for it. It's a "Sin" and a "Crime" to ask for that.
    I left Aaron with my mother for a couple nights 3 years ago. I learned my lesson the hard way. I've NEVER made that mistake again.
    I tried for years to find/hire someone to care for our son. It just didn't happen.
    I pray to God not to make the same foolish mistakes in this relationship that I did with my son's father.
    I hope I don't sound negative. You just happened to hit a touchy/sore spot in my life right now.
    I'd say God is speaking through you to me.
    Thank you,Trey.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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