“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.”

All marriages, including mine, have ups and downs. The goal is to make the ups get longer and the downs get shorter.

It should be the goal of any married couple to reconnect on a regular basis, especially if you have children in the home. The greatest gift you can give in your relationship with your spouse is the gift of time. We have lots of roles and relationships, but none on earth is more important than the one with your spouse. Lea and I find ourselves being able to reconnect by going out to dinner without the kids, going for a walk and talking about our day or meeting for a cup of coffee.

When I make time to nurture my relationship with Lea … as the old saying goes, we find ourselves falling in love all over again.

“Enjoy the wife you married as a young man! Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose— don’t ever quit taking delight in her body. Never take her love for granted!” Proverbs 5:18-19

  • What are some things you and your spouse do to reconnect?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
12 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    Really have no idea how to reconnect. I live in a sexless marriage. All my attempts to reconnect fail. Can't wait to see how others are doing it.

  2. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – When things are going well in marriage … it's great, but when things aren't going well, it just down right hurts. I'm sorry your marriage is struggling. If your spouse is willing I'd suggest two things…

    1) Counseling
    2) A visit to the doctor. Many times a spouse that has no desire for sex is a sign of something not being right physically, mentally or emotionally.

    As for simple suggestions, here are a few:

    * Surprise your spouse by finding a babysitter for the kids and going out on a date.
    * Leave a romantic note for your spouse to find.
    * Give your spouse a "good" kiss for no reason at all.
    * Call your spouse during the day just to say "I love you."
    * Make a list of "25 Things" that you love about your spouse.
    * Mail something to your spouse.
    * Men … send flowers to your wife at her work place.
    * Compliment your spouse everyday.
    * Plan an evening at home together by yourselves.
    * Give your spouse a massage.

    Just a thought…

  3. Anonymous says:

    A trip to the mountains, no tv, no phone, no fb. Just beauty, fresh air and cold, snuggley, quiet nights.

  4. Andre Nunes says:

    There are definitely ups and downs, and I think that as long is there is a strong foundation, we can always reconnect. Its been a struggle for us, more since the kids were born, at least for me. I struggle with I want my needs to be met, before I do anything for you, but I have learned to do unto others what you would want to be done to you. Its hard because you are actually sacrificing yourself for someone else. The world teaches us different, but God, well He gave the ultimate example by sacrificing His Son, he received the glory. Anonymous, I don't know you, I don't know that I will ever meet you, but my heart goes out to you, and I will be praying for you. I have been more happy since I started using this mind set of pleasing my wife, making sure that her needs are met, this way, while I am focused on hers, she is focused on me. We are trying to get time alone from the kids, and its challenging, but worth it.

  5. Amanda Sanders says:

    Anon Marriage- This just popped into my head. My husband and I go for a drive. Something about being side by side, but not having to make eye contact, turns my Strong Silent super chatty.

    The more he communicates with me, the more connected and "in love" with him I feel.

    Bless you guys!

  6. Jessica says:

    I've only just recently realized how disconnected my husband and I have become… we talk about the day to day stuff, but over all, that's about it. Of course, being 9 months pregnant probably has something to do with it but I think our main "issue" is that life has become all about "the practical" – finances, parenting, work, etc.

    I've been looking at purchasing The Love Dare book (highlighted in the movie Fireproof) because although I "know" what needs to be done, I feel that I need something tangible to help encourage me along with daily ideas that not only examine what I can be doing for my partner but also my own ideas on what marriage is and/or should be.

  7. TREY MORGAN says:

    Jessica …

    Love Dare is excellent to do together. Personally "His Needs Her Need" by Willard Harley is the book I'd prefer. That book has done more for my marriage than any other. BUT you have to read it together (and discuss as you go) to make it work.

  8. Carl Feril says:

    Anon Marriage- there have been a number of excellent suggestions. Let me reiterate some of the keys in my view.
    First, to get counseling is a great suggestion. I would suggest a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, because their orientation is the relationship rather than pathology within one individual. You can find qualified therapists through http://www.therapistlocator.net/.
    Second, Trey's suggestion of a visit to a physician is also very important. Loss of libido can be the side effect of medication or an indication of a more significant medical condition. Believe me, you will not be the first couple to ask the physician about this issue.
    Third, I would urge you to remember that when a marriage becomes "sexless" it is an indication of an intimacy problem, it is not the problem itself (unless a medical condition exists). Therefore, while desiring to be with your spouse will weigh heavily upon your heart and you will likely desire physical release, to address the sexual issue first is like trying to use powder to cover up a flushed face that is the result of high blood pressure. The sex act might occur, but without restoring the relationship between the two of you, it will only drive a deeper wedge in the relationship.
    Amanda Sanders also referenced a very significant point. Some of the latest information in neuro-psychology tells us that our fear responses will shut down our ability to think and respond. Because our visual center is so closely related our mid-brain (paleocortical)systems, we tend to shutdown when we look into each other's eyes while afraid. Just as a child gets the "deer in the headlights" look when in trouble and refuses to speak, as adults, when we are discussing deeply fearful topics, it eases our communication if we sit side by side, supported in each others' arms on the couch, or side by side in the car. The physical positions can free our thoughts when we are afraid to to "look each other in the eye".
    As far as what we can do to revitalize a relationship, try new thing. The discovery of new things we might like together is a journey we begin with each other into a new landscape of a life together. Plays, musicals, bluegrass festivals, blues clubs, sporting events, museums, a two seat sports car (the kids can't come along), an evening walk, book clubs, and thousands of other things are all options as we discover what we might enjoy together.. The process is not blame, it is discovery.
    I hope some of the ideas are helpful to you.

  9. Charla (SHar-la) says:

    I NEED connection with people, so it is no surprise I need to reconnect pretty regularly with my hubby. The best way we reconnect is to do something alone that requires our attention to only be on each other. This includes big things like taking a trip out of town and staying at a hotel to make things new and fun, OR, it can also just include a drive by ourselves to the country with no t.v., no phone, and just our conversation. I agree with one of the other commentors; something about driving in the car gets the conversation flowing and I have had some of the best conversations with my man in the car on a trip, short or long.

    I also want to point out that if you realize there is a disconnect in your marriage, you're already on the right track! Don't get down on yourself, just be disciplined and brave enough to approach your spouse about it and then lovingly find a way to start making it better. A journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step…so I've heard. :)

    The greatest reassurance is knowing that if we are committed to making our marriages better, God wants that just as much as we do, and He will guide you into making good decisions in growing your relationship with your spouse.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Thanks for your comments and prayers…

  11. Sean Hanzelik says:

    We are in a battle with a very real enemy, who will use any and every tactic to separate you from God and from your spouse, because he knows separating you from your spouse is one of the best and easiest ways to separate you from your walk with Him.

    I am talking about this very thing in a series I am doing here:


    I encourage you to check it out!

    God bless,


  12. Kela says:

    With my husband's line of work, he sometimes has jobs that I can ride with him to. I jump at the chance every time he offers…even if I am in the middle of school with the kids (we have 6 kids w/the oldest two being 16 and 14, so I have built in babysitters).
    We don't always have to talk and we still feel connected.

    He IS the talker in our marriage (family), so I enjoy listening to him also.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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