I’m never quite sure which posts I write will strike a nerve with people. Some posts I have written that I’ve thought would be well-liked, were passed over like beets at my dinner table. A few times I’ve written things that have made a few people mad. Then there’s those occasions when I post something that really takes on a life of it’s own, like the post I did a few months ago called, “10 Facebook Rules for Married Couples.“ Amazingly this post is still getting amazing amounts of hits and comments. I’ve been called by two different people asking to quote things in articles for newspapers and publications. You just never know what’s going to strike a nerve.
I think the nerve that I hit with this post didn’t have as much to do with Facebook as it did with openness and honesty in marriage. People can’t get over the fact that their spouses are not being open and honest with them. Instead, husbands and wives are hiding things from their spouses on Facebook, in email and in text messages.
Just recently I read where apparently a wife had connected with an old boyfriend on Facebook and had been communicating with this guy for months. She apparently decided it was time to break the news to her husband along with the news she planned to leave him. They had been married for over 10 years and had two children.
And then, this morning the news reported a similar story, this time from a woman whose husband had apparently been involved emotionally on Facebook with several other women. And yes, he too planned to leave his wife.
One counselor said this, “There is nothing wrong with text messages, email, Facebook, Twitter, etc, but we’re learning that marriages that were already having “little” issues with honesty, are now having full-blown honesty issues due to some of these new things.”
I’d like to say ONE MORE TIME: “The glue to your marriage is openness and honesty. Your marriage is the one place that there should NEVER be dishonesty. NEVER hide things from your spouse (text messages, email, passwords, etc). When you are unwilling to share these things, it’s a sign that something is NOT right.”
Marriage is about intimacy, and dishonesty KILLS intimacy.
Here is a sample (one of many) of a comment that I received that broke my heart:
“Unfortunately I am one person who truly wishes these rules had been observed by my (now ex) husband. While I strove for transparency in regards to my own online activities, my ex completely hid his facebook activities from me, to the extent where a virtual stranger was the one to make me aware of his wholly unpleasant activities.
All in all, your second rule (Never hide things from your spouse) is the most important rule to me. If my husband had been as transparent as I was, we could potentially have saved our marriage and avoided all the other incidents which consequently led to it’s breakdown.
Thank you for posting this enlightening and strengthening article.
I hope that many more of your readers will help generate awareness of this page (as I indeed will) so others may benefit and understand too.”
Be open and honest, it’s one of the greatest things you can do in marriage.
“The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in those who are truthful.” – Proverbs 12:22