FACEBOOK, MARRIAGE & HONESTY

I’m never quite sure which posts I write will strike a nerve with people. Some posts I have written that I’ve thought would be well-liked, were passed over like beets at my dinner table. A few times I’ve written things that have made a few people mad. Then there’s those occasions when I post something that really takes on a life of it’s own, like the post I did a few months ago called, “10 Facebook Rules for Married Couples. Amazingly this post is still getting amazing amounts of hits and comments. I’ve been called by two different people asking to quote things in articles for newspapers and publications. You just never know what’s going to strike a nerve.

I think the nerve that I hit with this post didn’t have as much to do with Facebook as it did with openness and honesty in marriage. People can’t get over the fact that their spouses are not being open and honest with them. Instead, husbands and wives are hiding things from their spouses on Facebook, in email and in text messages.
Just recently I read where apparently a wife had connected with an old boyfriend on Facebook and had been communicating with this guy for months. She apparently decided it was time to break the news to her husband along with the news she planned to leave him. They had been married for over 10 years and had two children.
And then, this morning the news reported a similar story, this time from a woman whose husband had apparently been involved emotionally on Facebook with several other women. And yes, he too planned to leave his wife.
One counselor said this, “There is nothing wrong with text messages, email, Facebook, Twitter, etc, but we’re learning that marriages that were already having “little” issues with honesty, are now having full-blown honesty issues due to some of these new things.”
I’d like to say ONE MORE TIME: “The glue to your marriage is openness and honesty. Your marriage is the one place that there should NEVER be dishonesty. NEVER hide things from your spouse (text messages, email, passwords, etc). When you are unwilling to share these things, it’s a sign that something is NOT right.”
Marriage is about intimacy, and dishonesty KILLS intimacy.

Here is a sample (one of many) of a comment that I received that broke my heart:

“Unfortunately I am one person who truly wishes these rules had been observed by my (now ex) husband. While I strove for transparency in regards to my own online activities, my ex completely hid his facebook activities from me, to the extent where a virtual stranger was the one to make me aware of his wholly unpleasant activities.


All in all, your second rule (Never hide things from your spouse) is the most important rule to me. If my husband had been as transparent as I was, we could potentially have saved our marriage and avoided all the other incidents which consequently led to it’s breakdown.

Thank you for posting this enlightening and strengthening article.

I hope that many more of your readers will help generate awareness of this page (as I indeed will) so others may benefit and understand too.”


Be open and honest, it’s one of the greatest things you can do in marriage.
“The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in those who are truthful.” – Proverbs 12:22

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
9 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Janet says:

    I really liked that facebook blog post.

    For lent, I gave up facebook. I searched myself and realized that it took me away from my responsibilities as a wife and mother. At first…I felt like I was going through withdrawals. Who KNEW it took up so much of my life! I realized that it was my only lifeline to my friends. How sad is that though? Can you TRULY be friends through facebook? I turned back to my phone. How nice to actually talk to people more often!

    To be honest…I don't want to go back to facebook. At this point, I don't miss the time I spent doing…well…nothing! I have a feeling I'll get back on when lent is over. However, I do NOT want it to be a daily part of my life.

    What was once filled with facebook is now filled with playtime with my kids, reading a good book, amazing conversations with my husband, phone calls with friends and family, and prayer.

  2. Anonymous says:

    The flip side to Janet's comment is that Facebook has actually helped me connect with a lot of former friends and want to join the world again. It's nice to feel connected and have support from past sources who are distanced. I still make time for my family and friends in RL though. If that became an issue, yes, I'd have to stop also.

    I do agree that couples should be open and honest about FB though. It's a red flag when someone "friends" you and you realize they haven't "friended" their own spouse or they never mention their spouse.

  3. fraizerbaz says:

    So so true!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Ron and I both have accounts and we have some of the same friends but I dont know some of his friends from school and he dont know mine but we both have access to each others passwords. It's a shame that you have to hide your stuff from your husband or wife.
    dina

  5. Kevin says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with these facebook rules. My wife and I are very honest with each other. We don't hide anything from each other, in fact, we know each others' facebook passwords. The problem we are having with facebook is my wife is addicted to it. She spends hours on it daily. She says it helps her to "connect" with her family and friends, but I argue that it is not truly connecting. In fact, she and I are becoming more disconnected because of this. When I bring up the subject and explain to her that I want more time with her she gets very defensive about it. It is very frustrating and sad. I miss my wife. I wonder how many others are having the same type of issue. This may be an idea for a future blog, Trey.

  6. Cecelia Bradshaw-Marble says:

    I like this,Trey.It's so very true.I had a friend on Facebook who was coming onto me even though he was full aware of the fact that I was betrothed and soon to be married.He made some comments he shouldn't have. Let's just say that I ceased my communications with him on that note.I love my Andrew so very much and the LAST thing I need or want is another failed marriage.

  7. James Jones says:

    I like it that Tabbetha (my wife) has access to all my addresses and passwords. I feel comfortable knowing she can check my stuff anytime. She still calls me to check before she goes into things, but I like the fact that we can do this with one another.

    Hiding internet activity is baggage I do not want to carry.

  8. Bec says:

    SO TRUE!!! I come from a family of four kids ( 2 parents) and all of those have been divorced except myself. I use it as a constant reminder trey of what you said about honesty and openness being the glue to our marriage!! And most of those divorces have occurred as a result of online relationships that destroyed their current relationships. It has made me and my husband set very strict boundaries with each other on the computer…not because we dont trust each other…we just dont want to ever put ourselves in a position where that could ever happen to us. Its not about insecurity, its about being smart….

  9. Carissa says:

    It is sad how in some situations FB is finding the cracks in marriage (with honesty and communication) and pushing them wide open. My husband and I though have had an opposite experience. It has brought us closer. Yes, we do know each others passwords and everything. We are allowed to look through the inboxes and all. If he can read it, I can read it. It has given us the opportunity to talk about which people on our lists (or friend requests) we needed in our lives and were good for our marriage. Also, I have gotten to somewhat "meet" friends of his that impacted his life that up until recently we did not have any contact with and vice versa for myself.

    The honesty and communication rules for us allow for us as a couple to set the boundaries and foundation that we are going to need to have for success in the future. We agreed along time ago that we did not want our marriage to fall apart due to a faulty foundation. Meeting your partner's needs, and his or she will have no reason to go elsewhere to fulfill the gap.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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