Chuck Norris, Men and Man-Laws

There’s nothing like a good “Man Post,” to start the week off and get the testosterone flowing.

A few of us guys were visiting about man-laws after church recently and the importance of teaching them to our sons. For those women who might not know, man-law is an unwritten code which men live by. I’m not a man-law expert, but I do think I know a man-law when I see one. For example here are a few man-laws that real-men live by that might not make sense to women, but totally make sense to us …

  • Man-law says that on a road trip the most manly-man is the one with the strongest bladder.
  • Man-law says that no man shall EVER wear an article of women’s clothing unless they are the loser of a bet.
  • Man-law states that grilling, no matter the weather, is always the first choice of cooking.
  • Man-law clearly states that under NO circumstance do two men EVER share an umbrella.
  • Man-law says that men can watch chick-flicks on occasion, BUT they are never to be watched without the presence of a girlfriend or wife. And they should NEVER be seen crying.
  • Man-law has many rules of the public restrooms. First and foremost, men must follow the “buffer-zone” rule. That means where there are more than two urinals, there must always be one urinal of separation between you and the next man. You NEVER sidle-up to another man when there’s an empty urinal down the line. If you need help with this rule, here is a game you can play to teach you. This law is null-and-void when there are dividers between the urinals.
  • Another public restroom man-law is if you are first in the bathroom and there are only three urinals, you must not take the middle urinal because it would be impossible to follow the “buffer zone” rule if another man enters the bathroom. If you happen to encounter this simply clear your throat and say, “Dude!” Generally a man will realize their error and move down one, obeying the law of the urinal “buffer zone.”
  • One final restroom man-law is that being chatty in the bathroom is inappropriate, a simple head-nod is all the conversation that is needed.
  • Man-law states crying is okay when your team has just won the big game or a heroic dog dies saving his master from death.
  • There is NO reason for a man to EVER watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Man-law!
  • Man-law states that while walking with a group to the car, a soon-to-be occupant may reserve the front passenger seat by calling out “Shotgun.” All passengers must honor and respect the calling of shotgun. On those occasions where there is a tie while calling shotgun, a race to the car decides who gets the front.
  • Men can comment on how much they enjoy manly smells of things like a baseball glove, a new set of tires, the smell of gunpowder, campfire, sawdust and bar-b-que grills.
  • Man-law clearly states that no man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! (That’s for you Matt.)
  • A man is allowed to scream ONLY when he is caught off guard and bitten by a large deadly snake.
  • The man-law official start date of the male shopping season is December 23rd, as compared to the female season, which opens on the day following Thanksgiving.
  • And under NO circumstances shall a man EVER defer control of the television remote to a female.

As much as I love man-laws, I must never forget that “God-laws” always trump all “man-laws.” And men who follow God-laws, such as the following, are ALWAYS the most manly-men of all …

  • A real man loves his wife and is faithful to her sexually, emotionally and mentally.
  • A real man prays with his wife.
  • A real man is involved in his children’s lives.
  • A real man puts his family before his job, hobbies and buddies.
  • A real man is the spiritual leader in his home.
  • A real man isn’t ashamed of his faith and puts God first in his life.
Can you think of any I’ve missed from either of these two lists?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: , Read 1182 articles by
31 Comments Post a Comment
  1. nick gill says:

    Men don’t visit.

  2. Bobby Ross says:

    Love it! I am down with all the man laws except the chick flick thing. “You’ve Got Mail,” “Sweet Home Alabama,” et al, have a place a real man’s life. :-)

  3. James Jones says:

    On passing the TV remote to the wife — I equate the benefits of doing that like you do about dusting and vacuuming….totally worth the sacrifice. ;-b

  4. Barry Wiseman says:

    I have to correct you on one point. The official start of the female Christmas shopping season is January 12th. Most of us aren’t aware that our wives have been shopping until after Thanksgiving, because that’s when they start bragging on how much money they saved on that sale back on January 12th. Our male brains hear “Christmas,” “shopping,” and “sale” all in one breath and automatically shut down for the rest of the wife’s statement. Just a little know fact…

  5. John Roberts says:

    Did you realize Chuck Norris turned 71 last month? Still the most manly-man on the planet. He was once bitten by a rattlesnake. After 3 days of pain and agony, the rattlesnake died.

  6. Ryan Tate says:

    Ha! Those lists are awesome. Great stuff Trey.

  7. Jesse says:

    What about in Alaska where men are men, and women are pretty manly too? Most women up here can drop the gut pile out of a moose with the precision of a surgeon.

  8. Amanda Sanders says:

    Brother I am with you on the chick movies! I’d much rather watch UFC. (just one of the reasons my husband is crazy about me) ; )

  9. Larry Hehn says:

    What’s an umbrella?

  10. Todd says:

    That both hillarious and thought provoking.

    BTW, if Wedding Singer counts as a chick flick, you’ll need to take my man-card away. I love that movie!

  11. vanilla says:

    Dude! The man-laws are no longer unwritten laws. But right you are: God-laws trump all man-laws.

  12. Lyle says:

    Don’t forget the Mandles! Google it!! Funny!

  13. jel says:

    Boy I’m glad we don’t have that rule about the restroom, cause when ya got to go ya, buffer zone or not! 😕

  14. Kim Robinson says:

    I thought women’s “laws” were tough. I must say I am thankful I am not a man and so very thankful my man is a “God’s Laws” man!

  15. NB says:

    Lol. Love this post. This explains so many things!

    Btw, I’m making myself a little “Man Rules” cheat sheet/flip chart to tuck in my purse for future reference! 😉

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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