Still trying to decide what to get your kids this year for Christmas? How about getting them something that will last a lifetime? Some of the best gifts my parents gave me weren’t gifts that came from a store, but gifts that came from their lives. Here are a few gifts my parents gave me growing up that I’m trying my best to pass on to my children.

1. THE GIFT OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE: My parents were always affectionate, loving and respectful to one another. Watching how my dad treated my mother (and vice-versa) has taught me how to treat Lea. I wish as parents we’d realize that a vital marriage is the best gift you could ever give your kids. Parents who maintain a strong and vibrant marriage set a positive example for their children. A healthy marriage is better than a cell-phone or an X-Box, and it’s the gift that would really last their lifetime. When children see the way their parents love and respect one another, it teaches them to do the same.

2. THE GIFT OF INTEGRITY: I was taught from a young age that we didn’t lie, cheat or steal. When I did things like that there were consequences to pay. Wouldn’t it be nice today if as parents we’d practice what we preach. I wish we wouldn’t tell our children one thing and then do just the opposite. That has to be so confusing to our children. Don’t ever lie for your kids. When a parent writes a note to school saying their child was sick or had a doctor’s appointment, and really they just over slept …. YOU are teaching them it’s OKAY to lie. Don’t you get it? Don’t lie to help cover up mistakes for your kids. This is simple … practice what you preach!

3. THE GIFT OF DISCIPLINE: This is going to be hard for some of you to believe (smile), but I remember on more than one occasion the principle calling my mom to ask for permission to “paddle” me for something I’d done at school. Always the same response from my parents, “Get him!,” they’d say and then add, “And tell him he’ll get another one when he gets home!” Ugh! No child likes discipline, but it’s necessary for their development as adults. As a parent THE WORST thing you can do for your children is pull strings to get your children out of trouble. Instead, if your child has done something that deserves punishment, let them be responsible for their own actions. Don’t threaten to call a lawyer, talk to the principal or talk to a superior to get your child out of trouble for something they’ve done. Have you ever heard of “you reap what you sow” or you have to be responsible for your own actions?

4. THE GIFT OF LOVE. There are different ways to spell love. T-I-M-E spells love. L-I-S-T-E-N spells love. Love can be spelled T-O-U-C-H. It’s important to touch your children. Nothing is better than one of my children’s arms around my neck, whether they are 19 or 7 years old. Love is spelled R-U-L-E-S. Believe it or not, it really is. Love is spelled P-L-A-Y. Do some fun things as a family.

5. THE GIFT OF SPIRITUAL TRAINING: Growing up, we never left for school without my mom reading us a bible story. Spiritual training was a deliberate part of my parent’s plan to raise children. Personally, I wish as parents we’d see that spiritual training is not optional but essential. Families today don’t need a small dose of God, they need a large dose of God. Children need spiritual training. Talk about God in your home, read bible stories together, attend church together and let them see that God is important to you and a part of your life. Come to think of it, the gift of God is not just a gift that lasts a life time, but it’s a gift that lasts an eternity!

The Morgan boys in Red River, New Mexico.

I love being a dad. One of the greatest accomplishments in my life is that I am the father of four amazing boys. One of my new struggle as a parent has been letting a son go into the Army, not because I didn’t want him to go, but because I won’t see or hear from him as often. As many of you know, my son Taylor, left last week for basic training in Ft. Benning, GA. We heard from him this past Saturday night, after 5 days of wondering how he was. He sounded good and was still excited about being there. I can’t tell you how excited I was when I looked at my phone and caller ID said it was him. He said that may be his last phone call until Christmas, but he wasn’t sure. Hopefully within the week we’ll have an address for him and be able to start writing.

The bible tells us that our relationship with God is like a Father to a child so being a parent has taught me a lot about God these last few years. Everyday it seems I learn a lesson about God from my relationship with my boys.  Here are a few things I’m learning…

1. God LOVES it when I talk (pray) to Him. How do I know this? Because I love it when my boys take time to talk to me. Iwas SO excited when Taylor called and I could hear his voice.  I have no doubt that God feels the same way when He hears from me. I love talking to all my boys, no matter the subject. No doubt God feels the same way.
2. God wants me to be happy.  I want what is best for my children and I want them to be happy, as long as they are doing what is right. God wants the exact same for me.
3. God’s greatest desire is a relationship with me. I remember the day each of my children were born thinking to myself, “My greatest desire is to get to know my son.” Today that hasn’t changed. I still desire to have a relationship with my boys. I’m willing to go to any length to mature and keep those relationships alive and thriving. God has the same desire with us. He wants a relationship with us so badly that He was willing to give up His son.
4. Although it hurts Him, He still loves me when I do wrong. My heart breaks when my children do something I’ve told them not to do, but it NEVER makes me stop loving them. It is impossible for them to ever do anything that would make me stop loving them. So why is it we think God doesn’t love us anymore when we disobey Him?
5. God has got to love hearing praise. God has got to LOVE hearing things like, “I love you,” and “Thank You,” and “You’re a good Father.” Why do I believe that? Because all parents love hearing their children say things like that.
6. God loves watching me have fun and enjoy life. I love watching my kids play, have fun and experience life. I smile when I hear my children laugh and see them enjoying the things I’ve given them. God has got to love watching His children enjoy the things He’s given them.
7. It must frustrate God when I worry about things. I can’t imagine the frustration of having one of my children worry about me providing for him. I can’t imagine one of my kids saying, “Dad, are you sure you’re going to be able to feed me, clothe me and take care of me?” I would say, “What do you think I am, a horrible father?  Stop worrying.  I’m going to take care of you.” But we still worry and God probably sits back and thinks, “Why are you worrying? Have I ever not been able to meet your needs?”
8. God hates it when I fight and argue with others. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING frustrates me more than when my children fight and argue with one another. IT DRIVES ME CRAZY to hear my kids saying things like, “He’s in my seat,” “He’s looking out my window,” “He’s breathing my air,” “He touched me,” or “He started it.” Hearing those things makes me want to choke everyone involved, because the argument is always over the stupidest things. I can imagine God wanting to choke us when we fight, argue and fuss. It must make God incredibly angry to have his children fighting over things that don’t really matter, even to the point of splitting churches and ripping apart relationships.
9. God loves me more than I’ll ever be able to comprehend. If a doctor came in today and said, “In order for your child to live, you must give up something that’s going to cause you to die,” I’d say, “Where do I sign up.” As a parent, we love our children so much, we’d die for them. Our love for our children is greater than they’ll ever comprehend. I have no doubt that God loves us SO much, we’ll never be able to comprehend it either.

So, have you learned anything about God from being a parent?

Remember those cliches that came out of your parents’ mouths that made your skin crawl? If you are like most of us, you probably swore to yourself that you would never say “those things” to your kids. I can vividly remember thinking to myself, “I’m NEVER going to use that phrase with my kids,” but now, from time to time I catch myself dipping into the unholy bucket of lame parental cliches.

The following are some parental cliches and phrases that are used by parents. Some of them are funny and some are not a healthy part of a relationship with a child.

THE BAD THINGS TO SAY AS A PARENT:

• “Because I said so!” – This phrase is used by parents when a child asks “Why?”, but the parent really doesn’t have a good answer.
• “I’ve had it up to ‘here’ with you!” – This phrase is used in conjunction with the parent pointing to their eyebrow area of their head. Meaning, I’m “this close” to snuffing out your life.
• “And if Joey goes and jumps off a bridge are you going to jump off too?” – A parental favorite used as a comeback when a child has just whined, “But everyone else is doing it!”
• “One of these days when you’re a parent, you’ll understand.” – Another parental favorite that is used when a child has said, “I just don’t understand why!”
• “Don’t you look at me like that!” – Usually a phrase used by an angry parent who has just chewed their child up one side and down the other. The child is now unhappy and his face shows it.
• “N-O! No!” – The spelling of the word “no” for emphasis to your child who has just asked to do something you’d never let them do. This is particularly frustrating to teenagers who clearly know how to spell the word “N-O”.
• “How many times do I have to tell you?” – A phrase used by an impatient, frustrated parents who has had to tell their child something more than once. Something we never need, right?
• “You just wait until your father gets home.” – Meaning you should pack your bags and RUN AWAY now. Death is certain.
• “I hope someday you have children just like you.” – This is an insult of the most personal kind. It insinuates first that the child is enough of a nuisance that you hope they one day understand how it feels to be in your position. Never, ever use this phrase!
• And let’s not leave out “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” or “Don’t make me come in there!”
• “Why can’t you be like your brother/sister?” A horrible phrase used to compare one sibling to another … something that should NEVER be done.

THE GOOD THINGS TO SAY AS A PARENT:

• I love you.
• I’m proud of you.
• I’m glad you asked.
• Thanks for checking in.
• I forgive you.
• Thank you.
• I appreciate you.
• You can do it.
• Don’t give up.
• No matter what, I’m here for you.
• Did you have a good day?
• Good job.

You know, children are inquisitive. If they ask a question, try and give them an answer. A real answer. If you don’t have a good answer, don’t tell them ”No.” If they ask why, they may not be trying to challenge your authority, they may just want to know “Why?” While it might be inconvenient at times, do try to avoid empty meaningless cliches and phrases.

God has given us the gift of speech. How we use it will make a difference in our children’s lives? Words and phrases can hurt, cut and wound for a lifetime, but words can also heal. So choose your words wisely.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

I’d like you to meet Canon. He and his family went with us to Honduras. Canon just turned 12-years-old and was a “go getter” in Honduras. The picture fits him perfectly … everywhere he went he had his backpack FULL of things to give away to others. He brought stuff from home like baseball caps, soccer jerseys, clothes, bracelets and on and on. Canon always had Honduran kids around him because he was always giving away his things.

Just before Canon left to go home he spotted this little boy who was watching him from behind a gate of the Casa orphanage. Canon realized the boy needed some shoes so he gave him his Nikes … his last pair of shoes.

Canon ended up wearing home his mother’s pink flop flops that were 2 sizes too small (see picture).  That’s love. No wonder Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I want to be like Canon.

From the way I heard it, the sweet little curly headed girl couldn’t have been more than 8 years old. She hadn’t grown up going to bible class or church, but now that her parents were going to church, she was loving it.

When it comes to marriage, Lea and I struggle with the same things you struggle with. We often find ourselves taking one another for granted for the sake of less important things. Things like busyness, work and hobbies will always crowd a marriage for time, but I think the biggest challenge for any marriage, including ours, is balancing marriage and raising children. This is especially a struggle when you have young children.

I’m amazed at how many people justify putting their marriages on the back burner for their children’s sake. If you invest all your energies into your children and none into your marriage, your marriage will struggle to survive when the kids are grown. What happens is, once the kids are grown, you’ll look across the table at your marriage partner and realize you really don’t have anything in common anymore.

So to keep your marriage happy and healthy, you’re going to have to be willing to invest time in it. Finding time to reconnect in your marriage is healthy. Lea and I strongly feel that raising our boys takes lots of time and energy, but not to the point that we lose the healthiness of our marriage. We personally feel that we must reconnect regularly for our marriage to remain healthy. Sometimes we reconnect in our marriage by simply …

• Finding time a couple of times a week to go for a 30 minute walk together.
• Going on a date once a week and trying to talk about things other than just the kids.
• Calling home from work just to say “hello.”
• Spending twenty minutes at a Sonic drive-up just to talk.
• Having lunch together.
• Going grocery shopping together.

And it’s very healthy when we can occasionally …

• Spend a night away somewhere.
• Have a whole weekend away.

Our children are SO important in our lives, and we should be investing a ton of time into the ministry of parenthood. But our children also need to see their parents display a healthy marriage, and for that to happen it takes investing time. That’s why finding ways to reconnect is so important.

TWO QUESTIONS I’D LOVE TO KNOW:

1. Do you struggle with this?

2. What are some ways you reconnect with your spouse?

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(COMMENT OF THE DAY: nick gill said… “I like how you concluded this blog: because a major part of the ministry of parenthood *is* modeling healthy adulthood for your children.I think we should strive for a more holistic approach rather than a hard-and-fast, simple hierarchy that I’ve heard taught before.

The mutuality and flexibility of real love mean that you never know which concern needs to be #1 at a particular moment. Saying — #1 – God#2 – Marriage#3 – Children– and carving that in stone just won’t do.

All of these are ministries: the ministries of marriage and parenting are ways of loving God. Worship and spouse-loving are ways of ministering to your children. And child-rearing and worship are ways of loving your spouse. Knowing which one needs my focus *right now* is a matter of wisdom and prayer and gallons and gallons of grace.It ain’t TV-love, but I don’t think any of us will mind that too much, will me?)”

It’s never easy letting your children go, but I did just that with my oldest two weeks ago. I have no doubt that I felt a little what Hannah must have felt when she took her little Samuel to the temple to leave him with Eli the priest. It must have been so hard for Hannah to leave him, but she knew God would take good care of him. When I let Taylor go last week, I asked God to please take over my job.

Let me share with you one of my best ministries. It takes place every Wednesday morning in the elementary school library. Before school starts I have about 30-40 children who show up for a devotional. We sing songs about God and then have a Bible story. Each week I bring an object in my “red bag” and then tie that in to a Bible story. It’s one of the highlights of my week.

I’m always amazed at the kids who love to sing and learn new songs. I’m even more amazed that there are kids who have never heard Bible stories that I’ve heard all my life. Many times I get questions like, “Is that a real story about Jonah and the fish or did you make that up?” More than once I was asked, “I liked that story about David and Goliath. I’ve never heard that before.”

One of my favorite things about devotional at the elementary school is when I have kids come up to me at other places like the store, ballgames or the park and say, “Hey you’re the bible story guy.” That one makes me smile every time.

Not long ago there was a little girl who kept inviting me to come over to her house. After about the fourth week of an invitation to come over I asked her, “Are you wanting me to come play?” To which she quickly responded, “Oh no, I want you to come tell me some more Bible stories.”

I must say, my elementary school ministry is one of my favorites!

I’ve got four boys so I’ve never experienced what it’s like to have a little girl. I see them and think they are so precious and sweet. I’ve often pointed out little girls to Lea and said, “I want one of those.” Her response is always the same, “You’ll have a granddaughter someday.”

Last Friday I drove 3 hours to attend a funeral. I’m usually not much for funerals, but this was the father of my friend Dee Green. The funeral was a typical funeral till the end. When the preacher was finally through preaching, Dee got up and spoke about his father. I was amazed at the strength it must have taken him to stand up at his own father’s funeral and talk. Dee talked about his dad, the life he lived as a Christian father and what he meant to his family. He did a fantastic job honoring his father and his father’s memory. I’m not sure I could have kept my composure, but Dee did very well.

As I sat there listening to Dee talk about his father with such pride and love, I was convicted. I was moved as I began to think to myself, “Am I living in such a way that my boys would be willing to speak with pride at my funeral about me?” I thought, “Can I make such a difference in my children’s lives that they’d be willing to speak about me at my funeral?” It was right then that I bowed my head and asked the Lord to please give me wisdom to live a life that would make my children proud.

What does a 7 year-old boy think of his mom and dad separating? I just can’t get over Danny Sims post today. It ripped my heart from my chest.

One of the big stories lately has been the new “no spanking laws” that are trying to be passed. Recently someone asked what I thought about disciplining children. I am no expert, but I know the Bible is full of verses about disciplining children. Here are a few things I think are important…

1. DO understand that there is a HUGE difference between discipline and abuse (Proverbs 19:18). These two things are light-years apart. The Bible talks about discipline as correcting. Physical and verbal abuse to a child is detestable and would fall under catergories like hatred and anger. But clearly understand that God telling us, “Discipline your children, for in that there is hope,” has nothing to do with abuse but correction.
2. DO discipline for willful defiance and not for natural childishness. Believe it or not children will behave like children. Your kids are going to do things like forget to do their chores, leave their clothes on the floor and even spill their milk. They do this because they are kids and you should leave room for them to be children. Use discipline for willful defiance, rebellion and disobedience, but always err on the side of grace with childishness.
3. DON’T wait to late to start discipline (Proverbs 13:24). Discipline should start early in life. Studies show that children have formed most of their values, ethics and morals by the time they are about 6 years old. So don’t wait till they’re grown to start discipline.
4. DO understand there is a perfect place for corporal punishment (Proverbs 22:15; Proverbs 23:13-14). The perfect place for corporal punishment is that well padded place God created on which we sit. And sometimes with very small children possibly the back of their hand will work. Never anywhere else. Ever.
5. DO have a balance between corporal punishment and verbal correction (Proverbs 3:11-12). Use corporal punishment for more serious offenses and use verbal correction when possible. Also, understand you probably don’t need to be spanking your 16 year old son who is 6’4”. Instead use other forms of discipline such as grounding, withholding privileges or taking away his pickup keys
6. DON’T be inconsistent. Don’t discipline your children for something one time and not the next (or visa versa). That makes it very confusing for children exactly where the boundaries are.
7. NEVER discipline out of anger (Ephesians 6:4). If you are angry wait till you’ve cooled off to discipline. Disciplining because you are angry at your child is not a good reason to discipline.
8. DO explain to your child why they are being disciplined (Ephesians 6:4). Your child won’t know how to correct the problem if you don’t tell them what they did wrong. After disciplining them, talk to them, hold them and stay with them.
9. AGAIN, ALWAYS ERR ON THE SIDE OF GRACE.

What are some words of wisdom would you give to parents on “how to” or “how not” to discipline children?

Still wondering what to get your kids this Christmas? Here are 5 perfect gifts that will really last a life time.

1. THE GIFT OF A GOOD MARRIAGE: I wish as parents we’d realize that a vital marriage between you and your spouse is the best gift you could ever give your kids. It’s better than a Wii or an X-Box, and it’s the gift that would really last their lifetime.

2. THE GIFT OF TIME: I wish as parents we’d stop believing the lie that quality time is enough for your children. The only way to give quality time is to invest quantity time in your children’s lives.

3. THE GIFT OF DISCIPLINE: I wish as parents we’d see that discipline is a debt that we owe our children. I thought it was interesting that a recent survey showed that eighty-seven percent of college students said their parents weren’t strict enough on them. Make rules and set boundaries and stick to them.

4. THE GIFT OF SPIRITUAL TRAINING: I wish as parents we’d see that spiritual training is not optional but essential. Families today don’t need a small dose of God, they need a large dose of God. Children need spiritual training.

5. THE GIFT OF INTEGRITY: I wish as parents we’d practice what we preach. I wish we wouldn’t tell our children one thing and then do just the opposite. That has to be so confusing to our children. Practice what you preach!

What did I leave off this Christmas list?

In a recent post I did about raising kids I mentioned a story that has always been one of my favorites. The story is called, “The Parable of the Lawn.” I ran across it this past week and thought I’d share it today. It has always been a great reminder to me for what’s really important in life. I have no idea who is the author, but they have always been able to touch my heart with this simple parable.

When Connor was little, he was SO strong-willed. Actually that hasn’t changed a lot. As a three year-old, we tried everything on our strong-willed child, including Dobson’s book, “The Strong Willed Child.” The book only worked when I spanked him with it

Lea and I would often tell him to do something, and he’d just ignore us and continue on with what he was doing. Once when I told him it was time to get ready for bed, he just sat there continuing what he was doing. So I leaned over again and said, “Connor, it’s time for bed.” No response. Finally, I said, “Connor, do you want me to spank you?” He immediately jumped to his feet and scurried off the bed. Lea and I were amazed. Something had worked. I immediately wrote down the phrase, “Do you want me to spank you?” thinking I had just come across the perfect phrase for raising children. I could even see a best selling book in the works called, “Do you want me to spank you?” I began to use that new powerful phrase anytime Connor wouldn’t cooperate. It was by far was the best thing I had come up with. I was in parent heaven.

Sundays had always been a challenge. Getting Connor to sit through an hour worship service was a HUGE challenge. The preaching was my favorite part of the worship, not because I liked doing it, but because I got a break from wrestling Connor. Usually I’d have one less layer of skin by the time I began to preach, just from being wrestled by Connor. One particular Sunday, we had a visiting preacher. Lea had told me in advance, “Since you’re not preaching, it’s your turn to wrestle Connor.” I thought I was up for the task. The preaching started, and in only a few minutes I was already wishing we would not have invited this man to speak. And then he did the unthinkable, the preacher went into overtime. And then he went into double overtime. Forty-five minutes into the sermon, I was ready to choke Connor and the preacher too. I’d had all I could stand and so had Connor. I had no doubt that Connor felt the same. He was mad, tired and wanted to leave. I’d already answered the question, “How much longer?” seventy-two times. When I finally reached my boiling point and couldn’t take anymore, I remembered, “The phrase, use the phrase.” So I leaned over to Connor, looked him in the eyes and with the meanest face I could make I said, “Connor, do you want me to take you outside and spank you?” I was a little confused when a look of relief and not fear came over his face and he said, “Oh yes, Daddy, please take me outside and spank me!” I couldn’t help but start laughing. He wanted to know what was so funny. We went outside and spent the rest of church time throwing rocks out in the street from the steps of the building.

I realized that day two things: Connor was willing to take a spanking to get out of church but also, “Do you want a spanking?” was really a stupid thing to ask a kid.

You’ve heard of the 23rd Psalm from the KJV or NIV. This is the 23rd Psalm from the “sweet” or “precious” version.

Then he said to them, “I can guarantee this truth: Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

~Jesus

A new tool called Baby Signs is helping babies learn to communicate with sign language before they can talk. The video below is a 13 month old little girl who is learning to read.

Do not underestimate the learning potential of your baby or the babies in your children’s ministry at church. From this video I see two important lessons:

1. A child is never too young to start learning about God.
   
2. Fill your home and church nurseries with items that teach about God.

Ran across this in my notes. Don’t have a clue where it came from, but it made me laugh. Thought it might be a good change of pace after a couple of days of serious discussion.

Nothing is more important to me than raising my 4 boys. And as a dad, I don’t want to be “just a father,” I want to be an “unforgettable father.”

So how can I become an unforgettable father? Where do I go to find an example of an unforgettable father? What can I say to my children that will affect them for a life time.

Notice what God said to His Son: “When all the people were being baptized, Jesus was baptized too. And as he was praying, heaven was opened and the Holy Spirit descended on him in bodily form like a dove. And a voice came from heaven: “You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased.” Luke 3:21-22

Here are 4 Phrases “Unforgettable Fathers” Use on a Regular Basis:

1. I Claim You.