Sometimes we find it easier to point out the things that we don’t like about our spouses, than it is to notice the good in them. We often notice the things we’d like to change in them rather than the things they do well. Too often we’re quick to criticise, instead of building up our spouse with our words.
Research shows that the single most effective way to change someone’s behavior is to positively reward that person when they behave in a way that you want them to. Yet many married couples struggle with being critics and not encouragers. Criticism rarely works to change the one you’re married to, yet sadly, we keep trying it over and over and over.
Instead of rewarding, complimenting and building up our spouse, we’re quick to punish and criticise.
Honestly, nothing makes my chest swell more than hearing Lea compliment me. And the only thing better is when she brags about me to others when I’m within earshot. I think she knows that it boosts my confidence as a husband, a man & a dad. It makes me want to continue to make her happy and proud.
Tomorrow we celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s generally a time when we make an effort to say nice things about our spouses. Instead of just saying something nice about your spouse on special days, why don’t you make Valentine’s Day an everyday event in your marriage. Brag on your spouse everyday. Besides, even studies show that the divorce rate drops to only 7% when couples give five compliments daily to every one criticism. I like those odds. Just think how those odds would improve if we’d drop the criticism altogether!
And so, since I want to practice what I preach, let me say this:
So, what’s something you can brag about your spouse today??
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 23 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
Is this a desperate blog followup to telling her she was dressed ridiculous?!
You said it well…there is nothing that makes me feel better than hearing my wife compliment me, or hearing that she did compliment me. We do compliment one another often, which has a lot to do with 34 years of a very, very happy marriage. And we work together in the same office every day!
Right now I am eating the lunch my wife made me last night. She takes care of me that way everyday, which is much more important to me than cards and gifts on days such as Valentine’s day and birthdays.
My husband is so creative. He loves to build and do for us what lots of men would “hire out”. He loves me and yet allows me the freedom to have friends and to do my own thing once and awhile….and he does not care that I don’t cook…
My husband has such a beautiful heart. We didn’t get married until we were in our 30s, so I remember alot of lonely Valentine’s Days. God has blessed me richly with such a wonderful man who appreciates people for who they REALLY are. . .he looks at the heart of people. I love him because he brings me closer to God.
One of the best things about marrying a man of God is that not only does he work to help me get to heaven but he makes all my faults seem miniscule and my good attributes gigantic. He is a gift and a blessing. Just what my heart desired.
Psalm 37:4
My husband works extremely hard to take care of our family. I never doubt his love for me. He tells me several times a day. I am very blessed!
One thing I’ve enjoyed over the many years of awesome marriage, is when someone compliments my husband to me, and then I can share those words of encouragement with him. There’s double joy in that!
he makes me laugh!
My husband always tells his friends sweet things about me, and when they get back to me, it does my heart good. It’s sort of the “what you do when your wife isn’t watching” trick. He’s awesome.
my husband is the biggest man i’ve ever met
-lisa f.
Matt is such a hard worker. He does whatever he needs to for his family. I love when I go to his costumers houses and they tell all the sweet things he says about me and the kids. He is a very loving man and I love him with all my heart!
I love all the bragging!
My husband prays out loud with me.
He runs so he’ll be healthy and fun for me for a long time.
He cleans the kitchen every day.
He works in our yard and makes it the nicest yard in our neighborhood.
But… he’s a Razorback fan!
You are correct … it is easier to highlight the negative than to be thankful for the postive. It’s that way in marriage, friendship, and life. Sad say say it’s even that way in our relationship with God. He has blessed us with so many things yet the one thing He withholds because He knows we can’t handle, we seem to focus on and use as an excuse to doubt.
My wife has impeccable taste in men.
I could go on and on…honestly.
Brian is not only a Godly spiritual leader, he is also innovative, resourceful, brilliant and compassionate. He looks out for the underdog and protects us from the bullies. He is an incredible dad…my teenage son talks to him about everything, which is a testimony to his skill there. My daughters think he hung the moon, and I’m pretty sure my middle daughter thinks she will marry him when she grows up. (she hasn’t figured out that can’t happen yet). He encourages me to write and serve and use my gifts, all the while bearing with the lack of domestic ability I have to offer. (though I try cuz I love him so).
Should I go on , or are you getting ill yet?
I have LOVED the spouse bragging. Thanks for playing along.
Great idea. Thanks I am going to do it right now.
Love the idea. And yes, I probably do not brad on my wife near enough.
Some of the best ideas are so simple, huh.