Are You Hiding Things From Your Spouse?

Keeping things or hiding things from your spouse is a sign of problems in a marriage. A healthy marriage is one that is built on total openness and honesty. When it comes to secrets in marriage, there should be none.

Here’s a test with some tough questions:

  • Do you hide purchases of things you bought from your spouse? (… you shouldn’t)
  • Do you allow your spouse to read your email messages? (… you should if they asked to)
  • Do you share your passwords to email addresses or facebook accounts with your spouse? (… you should)
  • Would you allow your spouse to read your text messages on your cell phone if she asked? (… you should)
  • Do you hide friendships with people of the opposite sex from your spouse? (… you shouldn’t)
  • Do you immediately delete all your messages you get by email, text and facebook?

I know that for some those are really tough questions. You may not like to hear this, but if you are constantly hiding things from your spouse, my first questions for you would be, “Why?” and “What are you hiding?” When I counsel with couples, and one spouse is hiding things (generally text messages) from their spouse, it sends off all kinds of red flags in my head.

So does my wife read every email, text message or facebook message I get? No, but she’s welcome to read them anytime she wants. I hide nothing from her, and I find accountability in the fact that she knows every password to my email and facebook accounts.

Most affairs begin as a friendship that develops into something more than it was intended to be. One of the first signs that your friendship has become more than a friendship is when you begin to hide things about that relationship from your spouse. When it comes to friendships with the opposite sex, abide by these three rules…

  • Always keep it just a friendship.
  • Make sure your spouse has no problems or issues with it.
  • Never keep a secret or hide anything about this friendship from your spouse.

A healthy marriage is a marriage that doesn’t hide things from one another. Honest is the main foundations of having a great marriage.

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: Read 1158 articles by
16 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Amy Voss says:

    Great post, Trey! Jeremy and I do not hide things from each other and let each other read emails etc, if they other one wants to. This is a good reminder and something everyone should read :)

  2. Tina Hare says:

    This is great! Thanks for sharing this and I pray that it sheds some LIGHT for people that are hiding in DARKNESS. I have BEEN there…and DONE that…all I got was broken pieces and heartache.

  3. Tia says:

    Great post! Mike and I do the same. We share passwords and do not hide anything from one another.

  4. Teresa Canan says:

    Trey,
    Some of the best advice I’ve ever heard was that you should never have a “best” friend of the opposite sex. You are just asking for trouble.

  5. Lura says:

    My husband accused me of hiding the frog sticker (large fork he uses to turn meat on grill) the other day…..I asked him if he looked in the drawer we keep it in and he said, “It’s not there”. I went to the drawer, opened it, picked it up and handed it to him….:-) he said, “Guess I missed it”.

  6. Bad Example says:

    Previously in a marriage that had this exact problem… I hated conflict so I hid (avoided/didn’t not tell) anything that would upset my husband, anything from being short on money (I would borrow with out him knowing, to cover) or simple things such as locking my keys in the car. I’ve learned that he hid infidelities and other things. Took 20 years but eventually ruined it all. Because I didn’t “cheat”, I thought it was mainly his fault that the marriage failed, but we were both equally at fault just in different ways. Counseling taught us both a lot but the marriage still didn’t survive.

    The very worst part is that our children learned those bad habits. I tell now them now over and over – Don’t repeat your parents mistakes: communication and truthfullnes is the key.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Thanks for sharing something that I’m sure wasn’t easy. Sometimes we can learn from good examples, but the really wise can learn from a bad example. It’s not easy saying, “I messed up.”

      One of the things many couples, including mine, struggle with is not being open about the little things. Things such as buying something and hiding the item from your spouse is still dishonesty. Openness and honesty are essential. So is communication.

      Thanks again for sharing.

  7. Debbie says:

    What if you have a spouse that uses your accounts without permission? My husband has an online business and is constantly using my email and facebook accounts without me knowing. He used my paypal account and got it closed down! I was so mad! I changed my facebook password and refuse to tell him what it is, because he posts things on my page about his business with out me knowing. So am I wrong to keep that from him? I’m really not trying to hide anything, I just hate that he uses them without my permission. He says I am supporting his business when I let him use my accounts. I could sure use some advice on this…..

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Debbie … I think there’s bigger issues than honesty here. Your husband doesn’t respect you enough to not use your Facebook and other things without permission. I give my wife full access to my FB, email, etc … she’d never abused it … nor would she. It’s called love and respect. I think your husband shouldn’t be allowed to know your passwords if he can’t control himself enough. If he can’t promise (and follow through) not to post business stuff or take advantage of your stuff … you shouldn’t have to share. It’s simply called respect. If he loves you …. he’ll respect you and your things.

  8. Debbie says:

    *sigh* I guess I already knew that……I just want him to respect me without me having to tell him too. I guess it’s time for a heart to heart talk. I’m not to good at those.Thanks for putting the answer in words for me! :)

  9. DJ Hughes says:

    These are some great thoughts here. Completely agree.

  10. Ange says:

    Yeah but the point of not saying things is that you will get NAGGED or lectured. I do buy things and hide it. Often I will reveal it later, but only when I am prepared to do that. I don’t want to hide things from my spouse, but when you know you will receive opposition its just easier. And no it does not make a very happy marriage.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor ... who moonlights as the senior minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage & randomness.
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