9 Myths in Marriage

I laughed when I read, “The only perfect thing in marriage is the airbrushed wedding photo.” Boy is that true. There will never be a perfect marriage because it’s made up of two imperfect people,but that doesn’t mean you can’t have a great marriage. Great marriages take work and knowing the facts. Don’t get sucked in on these marriage myths…

  1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Never! It’s okay when a job separates you occasionally, but taking a job that keeps you away for weeks at a time is asking for trouble. I had a man tell me once that his new job, that would take him away 4 months out of the year, would be worth it because it would gain him over $12,000 a year. I asked him if that was worth losing his family. He said it would never happen … but it did. I’m not saying a marriage can’t survive a job that separates a husband and a wife, but I sure don’t recommend it.
  2. Your spouse shouldn’t be your best friend. Actually the opposite is true … your spouse SHOULD be your best friend.
  3. My spouse will know my needs without me having to say anything. Let me just say, “ARE YOU NUTS!” No way. Just because you are married doesn’t mean your spouse can read your mind. You have to tell your spouse what your needs are in order to have them met. Wives, listen close, you can’t connect the dots CLOSE enough for your husband to figure it out and catch on to what you’re thinking … so just tell him.  Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what you’er thinking will only lead to MORE frustration.
  4. Romance and affection will always fade in time. That’s not always true. Some of the most romantic couples I’ve seen have been married for 20+ years.  At the same time, I can’t help but smile when young couples who are wanting to get married tell me, “Trey, we’ll be alright. When things get bad, we’ll live off the love we have for each other.” It’s at this time I’m usually looking for a trash can so I can throw up. Romantic love WILL fade in time, if you don’t put in the effort to keep it strong.
  5. You will automatically grow in your marriage without working at it. Believe it or not, marriages that last are built on good old-fashion work. Good marriages and even great marriages don’t just happen, they take work. What kind of work? Read a book together, attend a weekend marriage seminar, take a weekend to get away without the kids, be willing to make changes in your own life or simply start by asking your spouse “How are we doing?”
  6. Marriage is about getting your needs met. Nope, marriage is about giving and meeting your spouse’s needs. When you’re focused on meeting your spouse’s needs, they will in turn meet your needs.
  7. Ignoring issues or problems will make them go away. Catch this … ignoring things your spouse says are problems will ONLY make them worse in time. Sweeping things under-the-rug only makes for worse problems later. When you’re having issues in your marriage, FIX THEM!
  8. There are some things you shouldn’t share with your spouse. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times more … keeping things or hiding things from your spouse is a sign of problems in a marriage. A healthy marriage is one that is built on total openness and honesty. When it comes to secrets in marriage, there should be none. You should NEVER hide passwords, emails, text messages, Facebook content or anything else from one another.
  9. You should put your children first. Raising your children should be of the utmost importance, but not so important that you put your relationship with your husband/wife on the back burner. If you invest all your energies into your children and none into your marriage, your marriage will struggle to survive when the kids are grown. What happens is, once the kids are grown, you’ll look across the table at your marriage partner and realize you really don’t have anything in common anymore.

Having a successful marriage does not come by simply finding the right mate, but more by being the right mate.

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
19 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Sarah S. says:

    #8: was thumbing through a magazine… Woman’s Day-type thing… in some relationship column a woman asked if her husband had the right to get so bent out of shape that she didn’t want to give him the passwords to her email and facebook for accountability like he suggested. Mr. Relationship Advice Guy said that she just needed to explain to him that she had nothing to hide and that boundaries were okay, like separate checking accounts, blah, blah, blah (please hear me saying that I can see how separate checking accounts make logistical sense… I do not see how hiding an email account from your spouse does… it was the very bad correlation that he used).

    It made me grieve for the cavalier way our society views the marriage relationship — as less important than each individual contained within it. After all, the world says, “The marriage may not last… you have to take care of yourself for later.”

    I have heard it said more than once, “As Christians, our marriages should be our strongest witness… yet our divorce rate is no different than the world’s.” Also grieves me. Thank you for being a vocal advocate of strong marriages, friend. I’m with you. We CANNOT let Satan continue with these lies!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Sarah, Wow, Mr Relationship guy missed it a mile. Hiding passwords and text messages just raises HUGE red flags.

      Loved your thoughts and your quote at the end. Excellent stuff.

  2. Maggie Beth says:

    #10 Marriage Myth – You would be happier if you were single. NOPE! Remember? When you were single you thought once you got married you would be happy?

    You are who you are – ring or not, children or not, married or not. No person can fill your voids. Fall in love with God. Then fall in love with the beautiful gift you are — then fall in love with someone else…

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Maggie … awesome point. I’m glad you added it. Being happy is valuing yourself for who you are in God, not the things you listed. Very well put.

  3. M M in Amarillo says:

    I have noticed a very big difference in my Marriage since I put more trust in God. There are still days that we don’t agree, but things are far more open than they used to be. I do not think most people realize the amount of WORK it takes to make a marriage work. I needed this today Thanks Trey.
    MM in Amarillo

    • Trey Morgan says:

      MM – It’s all about God. There will be plenty of days and thing you don’t see eye to eye on … but God and your commitment to one another is what makes it work. Have a great day, my friend.

  4. Sarah S. says:

    Maggie Beth and MM both make me think of one, as well:

    “It is my spouse’s responsibility to make me happy.” This was me for so many years. If he was unhappy or upset (for ANY reason) it would send me into a pouting tailspin. The Lord finally took me by the shoulders and let me know that I was being completely unfair to my husband to give him so much power in my life, and my happiness and joy should come from the Lord alone. My marriage has been amazing ever since.

  5. I LOVE your blogs on Marriage, Trey. Being married a second time, something I strive to do, is NOT repeat the mistakes I made in my first marriage.
    THANK YOU SO MUCH for these blogs, they are VERY HELPFUL and reinforce what I think and feel about a lot of things. It’s wonderful to read from a MALE point of view about marriage. I can look at Andrew through your eyes after reading your blog and it helps to understand him better. Thank you for that.

  6. Bookmark for later usage, haha.

    I joke around with Meredith and tell her that if we get married, I want to sign a 5-year agreement. After 5 years, we assess the situation. It would relieve the stress of FOREVER.Though it’s a good idea to me, I don’t think it will work.

    Someone once told me that there may be a point in your marriage where you have to “fake” it. I agree with the statement to some degree. I think there will always come a time when you question your marriage. Though, after some time, you will come to realize that marrying this person was the best decision you have ever made.

    Do you agree, Trey?

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Jason … I would agree, but I’m not sure I’d call it “faking it.” There are times in every marriage, including mine, that you just kind of survive, or go through the motions. There have been times when Lea and I knew, things are tough and if we can pull through, it will make us stronger … and it did. In our 22 years of marriage there have been times where we just “went though the motions” because everything didn’t click. Lea and I, along with every other couple, are two very different people. Combining two people and making them one (marriage) doesn’t happen overnight. There are mountains and valleys … and the mountains are more often than the valleys. And we know that when we go though a valley, it makes the mountain on the other side better. The commitment is worth it … and over time you realize sticking with it WAS worth it. Me personally? It was the smartest thing I ever did. :)

      Hope I didn’t ramble.

    • Sarah S. says:

      You asked Trey, not me, and I completely agree with Trey’s response. But the word is “commitment”: when you’re doing what you agreed to do even when you don’t feel like it. You can call it “faking it”, you can call it going through the motions, God calls it “covenant”, but more currently we call it “commitment”. The world calls it crazy — because no one does what they don’t feel like doing anymore.

      Both you and your girlfriend should read the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. You’ll be going into it light years ahead of the rest of us.

  7. Very good post. I enjoyed it.

  8. […] If you want a good list to help your marriage, Trey Morgan provides it this week. Read “9 Myths in Marriage,” and make sure you haven’t fallen for any of […]

  9. Jeff Holton says:

    Oh how I wish that this would be required reading for anyone planning to get married.

    I wish that *I’d* read it eleven years ago! But I don’t remember anything like this being written. (Maybe we ARE getting wiser as a society.)

    I’ve given my marriage all sorts of opportunities to fall apart, mostly through those apathetic assumptions that everything will just work out on its own. I’m just now getting the idea that a strong and lasting marriage takes intent and decision and action.

    Thanks for this!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Jeff … none of that came to me by inspiration. Most was by trial and error. The best part is learning from my mistakes and then being willing to share what I learned.

      Thanks for dropping by.

  10. Dayo Awodeyi says:

    Apart from the ‘Myths in marriage’ which is increasing daily as “BOYS”and “GIRLS” go into this institution meant for ‘MEN’ and ‘WOMEN’,the fact that a lot of us refuse to acknowledge marriage is a learning institution is not helping matters.
    Like other institutions,course outlines,Lecturers (Past Mistakes happen to be one of them)Library,Ref.BOOK etc are all essential to ensure success in marriage.Just as your books won’t read themselves for you to succeed,your marriage wont work by itself. You’ve got to work on it before it works out!
    Hardly can you find any married that would define marriage with the right perspective this days.You then wonder why we venture into what we dont know! Adventure?
    Folks go into cohabitation believing that they will be able to know each other well before going into marriage- – – – A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL! Without the covenant factor there, you are just fooling yourselves.You can’t get the best out of such union.No,not even a tip of the best GOD meant for you.
    Its got to be done the old faithful way; before the gathered witnesses you say your “I DO”,sign the dotted lines and match out singing ‘Lead us heavenly Father lead us’ into the marriage institution to work it out! Period.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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