Last week I gave you part one of my bible class notes on husbands and wives. It was about “What Wives need from their Husbands.” Here’s part two: “What husbands need from their wives…”
- HUSBANDS NEED LOTS OF ADMIRATION. Husbands love it when their wives are their biggest fan. Admiration is one of the easiest needs to meet, yet often the most overlooked. He wants to hear he’s a good dad, that he’s still good looking, that you’re proud of him, etc. Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. Just like you do for your kids … go ahead, heap on the praise.
- HUSBANDS NEED A PLAYMATE. Not a playboy playmate (that’s down in #5), but someone that will do things with him that he enjoys. Make him your best friend. Remember when you were dating and you did all sorts of things that you would never have chosen to do alone, just to be with him? God didn’t make another man for Adam just so he could have companionship at a football game. He created woman as suited to be man’s best friend. Don’t ever forget it. If possible, find things you both can enjoy. When you spend time doing those things you make great memories together. One mistake that young parents make is forgetting each other’s need for companionship when children come along. Children’s wants and needs may begin to take precedence over your husband’s needs. While wanting our children to excel and be fulfilled (and maybe even to fulfill some unmet need from our childhood), husbands are left alone with an unmet companionship need.
- STRIVE TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE. “But he should love me for what I look like on the inside,” many women say. You are right, but one of the reasons he fell in love with you in the first place is for what you looked like on the outside. Men are visually stimulated so dress with the aim of pleasing your husband. Strive to look like the woman he married. Wear your hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He should be attracted to you in private and proud of you in public. You may also need to give up clothes that he finds unattractive (ie. a bathrobe, certain pajamas, shoes, etc).
- AVOID A CONTROLLING ATTITUDE. Marriage should be about equality and not about “getting your way” in everything. A wife who nags or whines to get her way is unattractive. Solomon, the wisest man ever to live, said in Proverbs, “Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”
- STRIVE TO MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE SIZZLE. Notice I didn’t say 7 things husbands want from wives, I said need. Just like men need water, food and air, God made him with the need of sexual fulfillment. He equipped you to be a perfect help suitable to fulfill that need. It is no secret that sexual fulfillment is usually a husband’s number one need. Bill Ferrel makes a great statement in his book, “Red Hot Monogamy,” when he says, “Sex in marriage is an interesting thing. When it’s good, it can be one of the greatest delights in marriage and when it’s infrequent, it can be one of the most agonizing sources of frustration.” Physical intimacy can be a barometer for your relationship. Your husband may see your physical intimacy as a signal that he’s doing fine at home. Paul said this about sex in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” For more on “do’s and don’ts” in a sexual relationship between a husband and wife, you can read Joe Beams article on “Sex in the Bible.”
- STRIVE TO BE A WARM AND WONDERFUL WIFE. We talked in number 3 about how a wife looks on the outside, but it’s important that a wife be just as beautiful on the inside. Proverbs 18:22 says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Peter says in 1 Peter 3 that a wife’s inner beauty is of great value and it is found in a gentle and peaceful spirit.
- CREATE A HOME THAT BLESSES YOUR HUSBAND. Consider what environment you and your husband both would like to experience in your home, and work to create that atmosphere. Arrange your schedule so you have enough time to be home regularly and take good care of your responsibilities there. Don’t neglect the house, but don’t become obsessed with trying to make it perfect either. Simply do your best to make your home your family’s favorite place to be, and help them create memories there that you all will cherish.
So, here are seven things that are sure to make your husband a happy boy. My challenge to you wives is show your husband the list and ask him three things…
- Are these your needs?
- Am I meeting these needs?
- How can I better meet these needs?