5 Ways to Tell Your Wife, “I Love You.”

According to most women, affection is their #1 need. Affection has nothing to do with sex and is more that just holding hands at the mall.

Affection actually comes in many different forms. The key is finding the one your wife likes best. Here are a few different ways a man can show affection…

  • Words of affection or praise. That’s anything from telling your wife she looks beautiful in an outfit she’s wearing to reminding her that she’s a wonderful mother. “I love you” is also a great thing to say on a daily basis.
  • Gifts. We’re not talking expensive things like a new car, a diamond ring, or as I found out … a hot-tub (that’s for another post), but  little things like some chocolate, a new outfit she’s been eyeing or a single rose. It’s not about what it costs, but just that you thought about her.
  • Acts of kindness. Here are a few ideas:  keep your wife’s car filled with gas so that she never has to do it, turn on her seat warmer in the car before she gets in or clean up the kitchen after supper. Leaving sweet little notes for your wife to find is always a winner in the “acts of kindness” area.  An act of kindness tells your wife that you love her.
  • Quality time. There’s nothing more valuable to us these days than our time. When you’re investing quality time in your relationship, it grows. Quality time means doing things together that she likes to do sometimes … like shopping for clothes or shoes, or as painful as it may seem, seeing an occasional chick-flick. :)
  • Physical touch. For some men non-sexual touching is an oxymoron, meaning that those two words don’t go together. But what wives often needs sometimes is their hand held, their hair stroked or their shoulders rubbed with the understanding that it is not to be a precursor to sex. Sex and affection are two totally different things.

What I’ve found interesting is that even though Lea likes all five of these forms of affection, she likes some better than others. I try hard to do all five things, but I’ve learned that she LOVES it when for no reason at all I surprise her with a little gift that simply says, “I love you.” I’d bet that if you’re a woman you feel the same way.  All are essential, but you may like one better than the others.

I’d love to know for a “Strong Marriages” seminar I’m doing … when it comes to these different ways to show affection …

  • Women, do you like some better than another?
  • Men, how are you doing at covering these 5 things? And do you know which of these your wife likes?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: , , , Read 1182 articles by
28 Comments Post a Comment
  1. That Girl says:

    That man of mine is very good at these things – especially acts of kindness. (He makes the bed and cleans the kitchen)

    As much as I like an unexpected gift at an unexpected time, (not a rose – I sneeze) I really like quality time. A walk around the neighborhood – even the occasional 7-8 mile walk – gives us time to just talk without anything or anybody else in the mix.

  2. matthew k says:

    the gifts one has varying items. i guess chocolate is popular for most, but my wife is not much of a fan. one of our first dates, i brought her a piece of sweet potato pie; i had no idea that she would like it as much as she did. i don’t know if it was the potato’s sweetness or mine — probably both, hah :)

    i think my wife likes the quality time (or more fitting for us, quantity time) the best. it’s usually random for us each day, and i think it’s good for husband to be stay [or return to being] creative like in the beginning of relationship, sincerely giving her the feeling of being special that you keep going after only her :) (even though she know she belongs).

    peace and love,

  3. brian says:

    i am quality time and wife is acts of kindness, we both still struggle to show the love at times, but are learning and doing a lot better since we recognized the differences

  4. Glenna Garcia says:

    You are so good at all of these. That is why Miss Lea is so in love with you.

  5. Sarah S. says:

    As a writer/ word person — I LOVE the words. Written words, spoken words. They carry WEIGHT to me and are a blessing. Ironically, that is how I SPEAK love to my husband, but it isn’t how he HEARS it. (I am the Charlie Brown teacher at that point… :-)

    He likes to give (and receive) gifts. However, as the keeper of our finances, sometimes this stresses me out. It’s WONDERFUL to be thought of, but I can rarely accept a gift without adding up ‘what did this cost us???’ ‘where are you getting this money??” I know that’s my problem that I need to get over…

    Acts of kindness — HUGE. Since we are currently living apart (job situation), if he takes those precious weekend moments and takes care of house stuff that I won’t have to do during the week, that’s huge to me.

    Yes, non-sexual touching. Best ever. His skin on mine just calms me.

    See? I love the words so much…

  6. Stacy says:

    Every couple should read the 5 Love Languages by
    Gary Chapman, it really helps with understanding each other’s communication.

  7. Amy Voss says:

    For me, quality time is tops on my list. I think it just depends on what your love language is. Great post!

  8. Jo Baird says:

    All women like these 5 things, maybe in a different order. Mothers, daugters, friends, grandchildren, nieces all like and need them. You and Bruce give to me what some women never have. It’s called “nurturing”.

  9. Sandi says:

    Thanks for this post, Trey! Gives me something to look forward to! :)

  10. Dear Trey ..to be honest i found interested to find out more tips to make my marriage stronger because i have been hearing that it might reach a point you start hate each other just because of being used to one another very much, please sometimes i see those signs in my marriage but i strong want to kill that spirit n have very long and happy marriage ,may God bless you!
    Tanzanian lady.

  11. From Today onwards ..i will try my level best to follow all your tips to work out my marriage.
    May God Bless you ….

  12. Carolyn Kiker says:

    I like all 5 just not in the same order everyday. But the 1 on the top of my list most always is touching. It makes me feel secure & loved. We all long for & need the touch of another human. It doesnt matter young or old. We just need touch. Makes me feel loved & worthwhile. Thanks for posting this It was great.

    • Trey Morgan says:


      Great to hear from you. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a hug from you. Thanks for the comment. You’re right, there is nothing like physical touch.

  13. Jody T says:

    I love your list so much I printed it out and will tape it to Cody’s remote!! (he loves that remote!) Would love to attend the “Strong Marriages” seminar. Please let me know when your holding it!! Need all the help we can get, right? lol!! We both need to come see you next time we are in town, have exciting news and would like to talk to you about it… Hope you have a great week!!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Jody, taping to Cody’s remote is a perfect place to put it. Any man should notice that. :) I will let you know when we do a “Strong Marriage” seminar in the area … I’d love ya’ll to attend. Can’t wait to hear your news. Blessings & prayers….

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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