I’m not a Kim Kardashian expert. I didn’t watch her wedding, I don’t follow her life on television, and I didn’t know much about her until this week. BUT… I did become interested in her when I read that after 72 days she was bailing out on her marriage and filing for divorce. The whole sad story hurts my heart for a lot of reasons. I don’t know what part hurt the most … the fact that she reportedly spent 10 million on her wedding, OR the fact that it only lasted 72 days.
I’m not here to judge Ms Kardashian, but I would have LOVED to give her some marriage advice. Just a few pointers that I think might have made a difference in her marriage. If she would have asked, here are a few things I would have liked to have told her….
- THE MARRIAGE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE WEDDING. Succeeding in marriage has NOTHING to do with a fancy wedding and EVERYTHING to do with investing time and energy in the actual marriage. The marriage is a thousand times more important than the wedding, so invest as much time, effort and money in your marriage as you do the wedding. If you’re looking for something fairytale … strive for a fairytale marriage not wedding.
- MARRIAGE IS A TOTAL “ALL-IN” COMMITMENT. God never created marriage as a disposable relationship. Instead, God intended marriage for life. Yes, I know that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but that’s not what God actually wanted. His plan for marriage was an all-in total commitment and was never a disposable, “We’ll see if this works out, and if it doesn’t we’ll get a divorce,” relationship. If you made a commitment, keep it. Love is a choice you make, not something you feel. You may not “feel” in love anymore, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t love your spouse. For more on this point, read this.
- PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING IS NOT AN OPTION, BUT A MUST. Ms Kardashian, if you’re divorcing for irreconcilable differences after only 72 days … then you missed something BIG TIME. As mentioned earlier we should invest as much time in the marriage as the wedding and pre-marital counseling is a HUGE must. You should know WELL the person you are about to marry and engagements and pre-marital counseling help you to do just that. It’s BEFORE you’re married that you work out all the things that are irreconcilable … not wait until after your married.
- MARRIAGE IS ABOUT PUTTING THE OTHER PERSON’S NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN NEEDS. It’s been said that marriage is 50-50 give and take relationship. I think it works better when couples give 100% to their spouse and in return their spouse gives 100% back. When your focus is on meeting your spouse’s needs, most of the time they’ll want to do the same. Strive to “out do” one another in marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 MSG
- DON’T QUIT. If I was a cusser, a screamer, or a yeller, then this is where I’d do it! Because I want you to understand, “WHATEVER YOU DO … DON’T QUIT! It’s so frustrating to see couples invest years (and children) into their marriage, and the first real hiccup that comes along, they bail out! STOP IT! Whether you’ve been married 72 days or 17 years … don’t quit. Seek help when you come to an impasse. Look for outside help to get you through a problem, but whatever you do DON’T QUIT!
I’m not here to judge Kim Kardashian, because I have no real clue what happened to her marriage. But my heart goes out to the sanctity of marriage, because weddings that cost 10 million dollars shouldn’t end 72 days later.
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting…” ~Ephesians 5:25 MSG