4 QUESTIONS I’D LIKE YOU TO ANSWER ABOUT MARRIAGE

I (we) learn a lot from the feedback and comments on this blog. Could you help me today on these 4 questions about marriage?
  • Are marriage problems & divorce more rampant today than they were 20 years ago?

  • What are some of the biggest factors in marriage problems today?
  • What is something that can be done to strengthen marriages?
  • Can you think of any new things that have come along in the past 10 years that are causing marriage struggles today?
Thanks for your help…

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
35 Comments Post a Comment
  1. L.C.T. says:

    Yes, marriage problems and divorce are more rampant. Some of the biggest factors – lack of communication and a warped Christian pressure to get married. I posted various thoughts on the subject a few weeks ago on my blog: http://crazybritheaven.blogspot.com/2009/12/culture-of-marriage.html

    Not sure what the solution is though…

  2. loveintheheartland says:

    I believe that yes, marriage and divorce are more rampant today. Our society is wrapped up in gratification and the first sign of trouble most people quit. Especially those in my generation (children of the baby boomers). We are currently doing a series on this at the Edmond CoC in my bible class. There are so many "marriage myths" in society today that people are getting a false sense of what marriage really is. Marriage isn't always a bed of roses and nothing in real life happens like it does in the movies. People get bored with not getting their "satisfaction" and seek it elsewhere. I think church and a strong faith in God and each other would help so many marriages. I think it starts with premarital counseling and then faith/couple building throughout the rest of your marriage. I probably didn't answer the questions completely but it was nice to see the questions out there!

  3. loveintheheartland says:

    I believe that yes, marriage and divorce are more rampant today. Our society is wrapped up in gratification and the first sign of trouble most people quit. Especially those in my generation (children of the baby boomers). We are currently doing a series on this at the Edmond CoC in my bible class. There are so many "marriage myths" in society today that people are getting a false sense of what marriage really is. Marriage isn't always a bed of roses and nothing in real life happens like it does in the movies. People get bored with not getting their "satisfaction" and seek it elsewhere. I think church and a strong faith in God and each other would help so many marriages. I think it starts with premarital counseling and then faith/couple building throughout the rest of your marriage. I probably didn't answer the questions completely but it was nice to see the questions out there!

  4. That Girl says:

    Divorce may occur more often but I know of a lot of people who stayed "married" while their hearts and lives were divorced.

  5. Angie says:

    I'm not convinced the problems are more rampant. I do believe people are walking away from the problems at a much higher rate than they used to. It is no longer as taboo to be a divorced person as it once was. Where women were less likely to be educated and self-sufficient 20+ years ago, they now have a number of ways to survive without a male. That makes the decision to release a bad situation (real or perceived) much easier.

    The most significant factors I believe are selfishness, focusing on the negative rather than the positive (criticism), women withholding sex for insane amounts of time because they aren't in the mood (selfishness), men who love sports or other hobbies more than their woman (selfishness), taking each other for granted (selfishness), failure to friend and recreate with the spouse (selfishness), and investing in other areas more than you invest in your relationship (selfishness). One of the most dangerous problems is negativity. Another is the skewed perception of what love is. Many think love is something they are supposed to feel, and when that feeling ceases to overwhelming them anymore, then the love must have died.

    While I am sure there are exceptions, self-fulfilling prophecy goes a long ways toward creating the marriage we seek. Claiming our spouses to already be that which we desire them to be is powerful. Recognizing and accepting that which isn't likely to change instead of nagging about it is powerful. Admiring and promoting that which is working well in our marriages is powerful. Our spouses and our homes should be a place of safety and refuge for one another: the place/person we run to in times of trouble, not what/who we run from. And then there is that love thing. We must recognize that love is an action verb requiring moment by moment choice, where giving is as blessed if not more so than receiving. Getting the same stomach butterflies I had when I was 17 is a choice.

    Negativity seems to be almost epidemic. It shows up and is glamorized in our media, our sporting events, our workplaces, our social clubs, and even our religious organizations. It's always been there, but because of our mobile nature, global communication, and the amount of free time we have, we experience it with greater intensity and more exposure.

    Our society expects much and gives little, judging everything along the way. Jesus' message was about love and forgiveness, plus meeting people's needs (unselfishness). If we expect little, choose to give much love, and judge none, then we may shift the entire vibration of the planet, beginning with our closest relationships.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I do not know who Angie is but I think her post was very accurate. I pray each morning that God give me the eyes to see and find his message where ever it may come from. Today for sure a part of God's word to me was in Angie's post. I needed to hear some those things. Great Post Trey very thought provoking!!! MM in Amarillo

  7. Mike says:

    I think problems with relationships in general are far more rampant today than 20 years ago, though possibly in more subtle ways.

    The internet was just an embryo 20 years ago… no facebook, no twitter, no blogs. People still wrote letters and passed notes from hand to hand. Still called each other on the phone.

    Now everyone (at least of my generation – 30-ish) seems to have their faces buried in Facebook. Doesn't matter if it's family, friends, acquaintances or friends of acquaintances. We don't connect with THEM, we connect with their profiles.

    Intimacy becomes whatever clever comment you can fit into a 255 character text box.

    And with the advent of internet related technology, our whole life can become focused on our computer… one device defines our work, our play, our communication, our intelligence and our hobbies… not to mention the speed at which we access them all.

    I think we need to unplug, slow down, see more stage theater, eat slower meals, send more letters that require stamps, visit our friends in person, send real flowers to our wives or husbands, pick up the phone. Spend less time texting with our thumbs and more time shaking with our whole hand, high-fiving or even hugging.

    I mean… whatever happened to the secret handshake!? Now it's passwords and "l337 5p3@k"!

  8. Scott says:

    1. I am not convinced there problems and divorce are more rampant than 20 years ago. Such may just be influencing Christianity more. We are becoming more like the world around us.

    2. Rushing into marriage; a sex driven society; lack of marriage planning(a wedding event is not marriage;ease of divorce; number of high profile people divorcing and public acceptance of such just to name a few.

    3. Pre-marriage counseling, refocus away from sexuality in society, relearning what commitment means.

    4. Social media. I am writing a country music song: "Turn off that computer honey, and turn me on."

  9. Frank Bellizzi says:

    Following a divorce, I am now in my second marriage. In between times and since, I've done some reading and a lot of reflecting on these questions. Thanks for raising them, by the way.

    Although I always insisted on pre-marital sessions with all the couples for whom I tied the knot, I was aware that there's simply no empirical evidence that connects those kinds of sessions with marital success. The best we can hope for is that people who went through pre-marital counseling might be more likely to seek counseling help later.

    The one factor that certainly increases the chances of a marriage surviving is a young couple being coached by an older couple. I think this used to happen fairly naturally in extended families who lived near each other. Think: Uncle Joe and Aunt Sue. Our much-treasured mobility is, I suspect, near the root of a lot of marital failure.

  10. David says:

    1. Problems are not more rampant. Problems have always and will always be very similar. What has changed is the degree to which we are willing to deal with those problems rather than walking away. Marriage has become something you can try on and then walk away from it if it doesn't fit after a few years (or less).

    2. Same ol' stuff. Dishonesty, lack of honesty, loss of self-control, selfishness, increasing degradation of social mores, etc.

    3. Finding friends with strong marriages, commitment to openness, communication and full transparency. My wife can get on my laptop, open Outlook, and everyone of my email accounts are right there with the passwords saved. I also have no qualms about her surfing through my phone (other than its annoying). Praying helps, discussing goals, creating plans to meet those goals,

    4. Inter. Net. Makes too many things easily accessible. From pornography to finding old "friends", etc.

  11. TREY MORGAN says:

    Wow, these comments drip with wisdom. Thank you.

  12. jerriann says:

    I think you have some of the most intelligent comments I have ever read and they all have hit it right on the nose. I agree, it is more rampant today and I think that is because it is easier now than it was 20+ years ago. I don't know how we can expect society to hold anything as sacred when we kill unborn babies at a rate that would astonish even the wicked Ahaz. It is more acceptable to focus on ourselves and how we feel, when being content in life is the result of choices. As young people we make choices based on incomplete data and often when we discover just how real life is we are left with the choice of what to do with a bad one. It takes time, time to choose, time to grow up, time to persevere. I agree that our society is way too involved in speed and the need for quick answers and fast solutions to fix things. I like what one of the ladies said above, a wedding is not a marriage. I think there is nothing new under the sun. The same old things that have caused problems in the past still cause them today, they just have a different mask on. Such as the internet and facebook. If a person wants to stray they will, if they are selfish it will manifest itself in whatever avenue there is to go down. Sometimes you just get burned and you have to start over and out of the fire and ashes comes beauty and the question is "do you smell like smoke?"

  13. fraizerbaz says:

    Well, I am divorced. I am never sure if I am "authorized" to speak my opinion about marriage. But I find it interesting that many people, who have just barely met, have a tendency to want to rush into marriage. IMHO, people should take a significant amount of time dating and/or courting each other before they get engaged. I would say at least one year before marriage should even talked about, and then a long engagement after that.

    I realize this is somewhat of a challenge – you have two people who are trying to remain chaste until marriage. I know first-hand how hard this is. However, the consequences of a life-time commitment must also be considered. It IS better to marry than to burn with passion… still, when you marry, it IS for better or for WORSE.

    (Again, just my two cents.)

  14. Lantz says:

    1) Yes…
    2) There are misconceptions about social networking and the purpose. However, I hear story after story about marriages going down the drain after a spouse "friended" an old girlfriend/boyfriend. Not wrong, but can lead to reconnecting via emotional connection that may not being met in the current relationship. Idols of the heart…Sin…Meeting needs or love languages before you allow God to love you or meet your only need.

    3) Invest…Go to counseling/mentoring/coaching whatever you want to call it…don't wait until a crisis seek guidance from others. Go to a seminar or workshop once a year or every other year. Start living a better story. Most marriages get caught in the trap of life and stop living.

    4) TiVo…Internet…iPhones…Techno distractions that do not allow you to be fully present with your spouse.

  15. DJ | AMDG says:

    1) I don't believe the statistic show problems or divorce are more rampant. In fact, I think the real problem is so few young people actually getting married. The emerging generations have such a high, if also unbiblical, view of marriage and what love is supposed to be – they don't think any marriage can actually succeed. Fear of failure in marriage is, I think, actually is spiraling out of control…leading to less marriages by just the healthy people who should, and it's leading most certainly to couples having less children.

    2) Self-centeredness and the idea self-fulfillment is the key to contentment are what's at the heart of marriage problems. I think the difference today is that more women than ever before are also now engaging in these self-centered pursuits which used to be wholly the sin of husbands but now is actually encouraged in the female ranks.

    3) Getting the state out of marriage (as it used to not be), allowing civil unions to take place however civil society wants them to, and making marriage once again a separate, holy, and sacramental institution for the very few willing to sacrifice in community to make it so. Making it special and truly set apart (holy) from everything else marred by society will actually make support of its uniqueness, importance and holiness all the more attractive.

    4) The church's continued inability to create safe environments for confession and reconciliation in contrast with the ever increasing proliferation and use of pornography and other sexually explicit practices has made healing from these common sins of cultural context ever more difficult – the impact being damage to Christian marriage, due not in my opinion to the sin itself, but instead the church's inability to respond in healthy ways to the sin contexts of culture.

    This was all poorly written but I don't have time to give it a fairer treatment.

    DJ|AMDG

  16. Charla (SHar-la) says:

    1.) I'm not sure statistically if problems and divorce are more rampant today than they were 20 years ago, but I think what is certain is that it seems much easier for people to just say, "okay, I want out," than sticking it out and fighting for their relationships.

    2.) I think Mike hit it right when he said technology has had a HUGE impact on marriages in today's society. With the popularity and use of social networking sites such as Facebook/MySpace, even blogging, it makes it so much easier to connect with others, other than your spouse. Also, technology brings with it the need to make a choice as to what you allow yourself to view. Pornography RUINS marriages. You can't argue that point, although many try to. When men and women (I read an article just recently that said the use of Internet porn by women has risen DRASTICALLY in the last five years) choose to spend time with others, whether they are images, or actually connecting with another person, they are NOT spending time with their spouse…period.

    I also think our lives have become SO busy and So much about keeping up with the proverbial Jones's, that we begin to focus on what we don't have and begin neglecting the relationships in our lives, especially of those we take for granted, like our spouses.

    I also think issues in marital relationships are perpetual. Meaning, if you watched your parents go through a divorce or just a terrible marriage, this is what you know, and this is what you are then likely to repeat in your own because you don't know differently. This isn't always the case, but I do think that having a strong marriage relationship to watch and then emulate helps TREMENDOUSLY! And watching an unhealthy marriage is just as DETRIMENTAL!

    But I think the BIGGEST reason marriages are having so many issues is a lack of respect for our spouses, and complete SELFISHNESS. If you are too proud to say you are sorry, or to admit when you are wrong, if you are money-hungry and therefore lock the checkbook up and away from the other person, if you cannot be the bigger person for whatever reason, you WILL have problems. For whatever reason, if there is one partner in the marriage who is not willing to bend, and sometimes even break for the other, most likely it will not work.

    3.) I absolutely believe in pre-marital counseling. My hubby and I did this together and it was fantastic. We were already engaged, but I learned so much in those few sessions and that information has been priceless.

    Number one, however, is knowing God together and growing in Him. This has been the BEST way for R and I to be closer. When we first married, we did not pray together. We were prayer soldiers independently, but we didn't know how to pray as a couple. The moment we began doing this, our marriage, which had always been really good, grew in LEAPS AND BOUNDS. When a couple makes Christ the CENTER of their relationship, they can have no stronger tool in their belt. "A cord of three strands is not easily broken."

    Here's a really great website about this very issue. I think the state of marriage today is something that weighs heavily on many hearts.

    http://www.calproresearch.com/thrivingmarriages/three_strand_marriage.htm

  17. Dante says:

    Are marriage problems & divorce more rampant today than they were 20 years ago? Yes they are more openly apparent today. Single parenting statistics and children of previous divorced parents are becoming adults and have learned from their Godhead figures that it is okay to quit on a covenant.

    What are some of the biggest factors in marriage problems today?
    Not understanding what biblical covenant marriage looks like. Communication is poor and whoever sold the public on the idea of fairy tale romance. That is, not to say, that you cannot have that in a marriage, but it takes commitment and true grit to put God first in the marriage (that falls under biblical purity, biblical stewardship and discipleship to understand marriage). I like to refer the men in our men's ministry to 1 Peter 3:7. If you want to succeed in marriage it has to start with true spiritual leadership – having the man (husband) submit to God and having the women submit to that husband who submits to God (Ephesians 5).

    What is something that can be done to strengthen marriages? Serious bending of knees and repentance. I heard a preacher once granted a couple permission to divorce on one condition – that for 3 weeks they had to love their enemy no matter how nasty the other spouse got – the troubled couple promised and after 3 weeks they realized how stupid that they were being and how important it was to love one another. I like that story. It starts with putting God first. The rest will fall into place.

    Can you think of any new things that have come along in the past 10 years that are causing marriage struggles today? Computer pornography is rampant to biblical epidemic proportions – it is disgusting. Gender confusion as for same sex marriage. Treating marriage like it is a legal act versus a covenant made to God (who, by the way, is ALWAYS Holy even when we fail to live righteous). Also, the exposure to quick media and how they glorify the things of this world and not the things that are from God. Marriage is given to us by God – when two become one flesh. As Jesus Christ has loved the church and gave himself up for the church, we husbands have to do the same for our wives.

    I hope that I didn't ramble too much!

  18. Linda says:

    I too think the problems of today are the same they were 30 years ago, but easier accessed. Also, divorce was frowned on back then, and now it's no big deal. I agree with Angie and David completely. As for me and my husband (we've been married for 24 years) our biggest hinderance is communication. I think he knows what I expect. I think he knows how I feel. I think he can read my mind and know I'm angry or hurt . . . I've even compiled a list of ten things (in my opinion) couples should discuss in great detail before they marry. I certainly wish we had. Last, but not least, I think marriage is work. You have to work at making it successful every day.

  19. jel says:

    your first Q?

    I would say there more then you think there were, back then ya didn't talk about as much in the open then they do now

  20. Sharla says:

    Problems – no but divorces maybe not more rampant but more accepted as "the norm" rather than the oddity.

    Marriage problems – communication, selfishness, lack of commitment to work through hard times (impatience – should have solved it in 30 min time slot).

    Strengthen marriages? develop friendship with spouse, honor one another (even if they aren't treating you as special – you treat them – it DOES come around)

    Things that cause trouble? Easy Debt! Dissatisfaction (covetousness). Overloaded schedules. Not enough family involvement – everyone else has priority.

    Just a few thoughts.

  21. Jen says:

    1. yes
    2. lack of selflessness, too much technology, failure to communicate, wanting everything right now but not willing to work at it

    3. work at it, pray, communicate, be honest, appreciate each other, pray, pray, pray

    4. pornography on internet, lack of values in society, twitter, facebook, myspace, texting…, living beyond our means

  22. Terry says:

    1. Hard to say. My wife and I were children of divorce more than 20 years ago.

    2. Selfishness

    3. We benefitted from FamilyLife's "Weekend to Remember" marriage conference.

    4. Internet pornography

  23. Anonymous says:

    1. Yes, I do believe they are, mainly because we live in such an "instant" world divorce is easy to attain.

    2. Infidelity. Selfishness.

    3. I have this idea about marriage counseling that I think could really help struggling marriages. My idea is that couples in the community that have been married a long time (Weldon and Helen Hayes, Gene and Joy Jouett, David and Darlene Galligan, these are just a few who I feel would be excellent) would serve as marriage counselors to couples. I think that by visiting with a couple and listening to what has made their marriage work, the things that didn't work, the sacrifices that have been made, etc. would help the couple struggling see marriage through the eyes of everyday people. I know I would love to go to counseling, but my husband refuses. I've given him my idea and he was a lot more open to it than anything else. The wisdom of these couples would be worth so much. I also feel the couples who would be doing the "counseling" would get a lot out of it as well. I don't know, just an idea!

    4. Technology, Technology, Technology! I'll echo what so many people have said. My husband has cheated on me via "texting" and didn't really find anything wrong with it because they "only texted". You can keep so many things secret now a days. Porn on the computer and PPV is one click away. Again, my husband did not see anything wrong with this because he wasn't having an affair by watching porn (in his mind). I truly believe Satan is dominant in technology because the world doesn't seem like it can run without it. He knows how much technology is used and he knows he can destroy families. He is smiling at all the marriages that have been and will be destroyed by our desire to have more technology.

  24. jami.bremmer says:

    Well, I pick up divorces for research on property searches and through this years holidays 6 couples filed for divorce in our community with only 5000 people. It doesn't surprise me but makes me said. I think people of my generation are too busy with internet, cell phones, community projects, kids activite (trying to keep kids busy so they don't get into trouble) that they forget about their marriage, it take a back seat to their life or rides int the trunk. I think divorce is to easy and so why not throw in the towel when marriage gets stormy. I am 30 and alot of my friends are on their 2nd and some 3rd and 4th marriages. I have been married for 11 1/2 years and some were very long and maybe a little tornadic, but I think if we slow down and remember the basics marriage could be simple. I am guilty of the keeping life so busy that 5 hours of sleep is getting the way of the rest of the busy day and my husband is wondering where I am at. I have made it my mission to slow down and enjoy the simple things. Trey thank you for marrying my husband and I even though you knew we barely knew one another, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

  25. Brian says:

    wow, great stuff.

    I agree that covenant unfaithfulness goes back a few millenia and is not a recent problem

    A book that (wifey) and I are going to read is called
    "FAMILIES WHERE GRACE IS IN PLACE" BY JEFF VONVONDEREN
    It came highly recommended by a great couple at church who said it had a transformative effect on their marrage (in their 50s, former missionaries to indonesia, )

    just started reading it, but it emphasizes the need to NOT try to fix, change your spouse, and to make sure God is the source of meeting needs.

  26. nick gill says:

    1) No, they are not. My friends, you are forgetting that 20 years ago was 1989-1990! I think DJ and Charla have the right answer to this question — most people don't get married anymore. And most people don't have a biblical view of marriage because, let's face it, most of our parents didn't incarnate a biblical view of marriage. Of course, when you even say "biblical view of marriage" you start tiptoeing through landmines. Do we want Abraham's marriage (where Sarah called him Master)? Do we want David and Solomon's marriage(s)? I know Song of Songs is beautiful, but which of the 300 wives and 700 concubines did he write it about? What about the marriages in Proverbs (30 chapters of complaining about spouses before half a chapter of the worthy wife, which has been used to beat women over the head and shoulders for generations? Ironic, that is, because that woman does a lot of stuff that isn't exactly lady-like!) I think Ephesians sets a beautiful model for a marriage, but most of the biblical testimony about it is that marriage is HARD, so don't set your hopes too high for a perfect one.

    2) Time, entertainment, and lack of support networks (family, friends, HELPFUL church). We're all going way too fast, our entertainment teaches us all the wrong things about mates and marriages and love, and most couples live on a dangerous island where other people lob bombs of advice that do more damage than good because they're unwilling to meet them where they are and embrace them in their struggles and live out a healthier way rather than just talking about a healthier way.

    3) Communicate. Make friends (with each other if you haven't yet; with other couples, including a wise older couple whose marriage is scarred but beautiful). Stop watching entertainments that tell you your spouse doesn't measure up.

    4) Internet explosion. It used to be a lot harder and take a lot more work for a spouse to cheat.

  27. Anonymous says:

    i don't know much. I can tell you what I have dealt with personally.

    Some factors, that a lot of people don't realize drugs and alcohol. This has a huge impact on the marriage. Not being present in a marriage is a factor. It's like you are married but that is all that you are. There is no connection because you are connected to something else like your job, your computer, your cell phone, your friends, anything but your family.

    Some things to strengthen a marriage are communication. Not just being present for the conversation, but really communicating. Not a one-sided conversation. Doing things together, besides paying bills, watching tv, grocery shopping. Be involved in your marriage like you are involved with your kids. So often, we take for granted that our spouse will be there at the end of the day and forget our spouse. When you go home give your spouse a hug, you don't know what kind of day they have had and they don't know what kind of day you have had, but before any words are spoken, give them a big hug to know they are appreciated and loved. It could make their day or wash away any doubt.

    Technology and greed have changed us dramatically in the past 10 years. Wanting to always have cutting technology we no longer hear other people's voices, we send texts, email instead of picking up the phone and calling or speaking to our spouse. Also like Charla said, trying to keep up with the Jones'. A marriage cannot survive if you are always looking to someone else to see what they are doing instead of being satisified with who we are and where we are.

    Just some thoughts

  28. TREY MORGAN says:

    Again … such wisdom. I hope people are reading the comments, they are better than the blog. Thank you for taking the time to answer.

  29. TREY MORGAN says:

    My thoughts:

    1 – I don't think divorce is more rampant, but I think people are more willing to day to go through with one. Twenty years ago people had reservations about divorcing, today so many check out … so quick.

    2 – I've got to agree with what has been said, "selfishness and pride." Wanting your own needs met first, instead of putting your spouses needs first. Men, not being both open and honest.

    3 – Both people have to be willing to work at it. Marriage, like anything else, takes work and maintenance. When both the husband and the wife are willing to work, it's amazing how good things can be.

    4 – Technology has been both a blessing and a curse on marriage. You've said all said it so well.

  30. Angie says:

    I just saw this on Danielle LaPorte's blog at whitehottruth.com, so I'm stealing to repost here….

    Marriage is not a love affair,
    it's an ordeal.
    It is a religious exercise, a sacrament,
    the grace of participating in another life.

    If you go into marriage with a program,
    you will find that it won't work.

    Successful marriage
    is leading innovative lives together,
    being open, non-programmed.
    It's a free fall: how you handle each new thing as it comes along.

    As a drop of oil on the sea,
    you must float,
    using intellect and compassion
    to ride the waves.

    – Joseph Campbell

  31. MucsuTrien says:

    Pator Trey,

    Thanks for posting this "hot issue" post. Thank you for giving the final comments.

    I have been enjoyed, learned, and blessed with your blog. You are very consistent and commitment.

    Thank you.

    MucsuTrien (Pastor Trien in Vienamese)

  32. bondChristian says:

    I think the trend to blame technology for marriage problems is interesting. For me, the Internet is a lot like money – powerful no matter how it's used. Money used to be the big problem… people chasing money without realizing how much they were abandoning their family. Now we go online.

    Still, I don't think technology is really to blame. Technology is just the most obvious change we've experience over the past ten years. It's mind-blowing the shift it's created. We blame it because we don't even notice any of the other changes that have occurred.

    I think something a little more close to the heart of the issue is relationships and how we think about them. The Internet has led to an explosion in relationships that seem casual. However, because we're online so much, we're actually spending more time in these relationships than we've ever spent before. That's a problem because we think we're just casually hanging out but in reality we're giving our hearts and lives away.

    And I don't think it just relates to opposite sex relations. I think we can spend too much time interacting with anyone and that interaction causes friction in marriages.

    So yes, in a way it's technology that's created this shirt. But more accurately it's the shirt in how relationships are built, maintained, and even thought of and perceived.

    Just my thoughts. Great questions and discussion here.

    -Marshall Jones Jr.

  33. Jesterhawk says:

    Ok, here we go:

    # Are marriage problems & divorce more rampant today than they were 20 years ago?

    Hidden question within the overall is are marriage problems more rampant today than they were 20 years ago? I believe the answer is no. The answer is the same to the whole question.

    Are divorces more rampant today than 20 years ago, yes.

    The problem is that less and less are married couples working it out and more and more they are throwing in the towel at the first or second major problem to hit their marriage. Everyone has struggles and issues and no one has a perfect marriage, but we are supposed to keep working at it for better or worse, sickness or health, richer or poorer and everything in the middle and around those.

    # What are some of the biggest factors in marriage problems today?

    Economy and our instant mentality. I can get food instantly, phone instantly, information via the internet instantly and we translate into our marriage. I want it fixed instantly.

    Probably the biggest this that his marriage, however, is the lack of understanding of your spouse. I will be married 19 years in February and for the first 7 years, I thought I understood my wife only to find out on divorces doorstep that I didn't have a clue. When I finally did, almost too late, I was able to really communicate with my wife, shower her with adoration that she would be able to enjoy and a whole host of other things.

    # What is something that can be done to strengthen marriages?

    My wife and I went to a marriage convention workshop only after our marriage fell apart and we almost didn't make it through. People need to know that you not only ever stop working on your marriage, you should never stop learning about your spouse. Conventions, seminars, workshops that are for marriage will only deepen your understanding of your spouse.

    One thing that has stuck with me since the beginnning of the conference we went to was the question is marriage a 50/50 partnership? Most would say yes, but the answer is no. Marriage is a 100/100 partnership where each spouse needs to put in 100 percent or else there a recipe for disaster.

    # Can you think of any new things that have come along in the past 10 years that are causing marriage struggles today?

    I know that a lot of people are quick to point to things like the internet, porn and the like. The only thing that the internet did was make it easily accessible. Prior to the internet it was magazines and before them it was men's clubs and before that it was "Whisper Rooms" and this goes all the way back to Sodom and Gomorrah and beyond. When you are bitten by the lust spirit, you will find a way to find the porn.

    I think this question should be the other way around. What has come up that can be used to strengthen marriages?

    In answer, texting is great. I can text my wife a sweet little love note just for her. The internet provides me all kinds of great stuff from online games I can enjoy with my wife to the ability to send her card or order flowers to be delivered. I find that with the internet there is a million new ways to say "I love you".

    Love in Christ
    Pat

  34. Pam says:

    I agree with Angie all the way. Its self centeredness "What about my needs". If we each put our selves aside and got up everyday and asked ourselves "what can I do today to make my spouses day better" I believe marriages would be alot healthier!

  35. Anonymous says:

    I dont think divorce is more rampant then 20 years ago, BUT I believe relationships outside of Godly values are.

    I think the whole dating game plays into it. Our kids start dating, many in their early teens and go through person after person, trying each on for size, breaking hearts, having hearts broken, sharing intamacies that God says are only right in a marraige realationship. I think Christians have bought into the worldly thinking that says we all need to date around and wait until we are much older to get married. In the dating around and waiting, temptations to sin sexually are huge. Then we enter marraige and compare our spouse with those that have gone before and find ourselves dissatisfied. Christians have bought into the idea that its okay to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. I think even that level of intamcy with someone we are not married to is dangerous. I think we tell our kids a whole lot about what 'not' to do but we forget to teach them about purity and being holy to please God. Our young people have come to think that everything except for actual intercourse is okay–as long as they remain a virgin. I think Gods expectations are much greater than that.
    I think we also forget that marraige is a holy covenent between 2 people and God. I agree with much that has been posted regarding sefishness and pride. But I think the answer to divorce in church starts in Christian homes where we teach values that are contrary to the world and seek to know God better.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • it's still early. :)
  • no worries. Luke is a very popular gospel during the Christmas season. 😜 #BabyJesusStory
  • Mitch Moreland has a combined 1.6 WAR since the start of 2011 at a premium position (DH/1B). That position needs to produce.
  • definitely don't disagree with that. We will miss his glove. But he had such a quiet bat for someone at first base.
  • I only disliked him when he was at the plate.

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