30 DAY SEX CHALLENGE?

Yesterday someone sent me this article. It’s all about how a church in Tampa, the Relevant Church, has a minister who is doing a series on sex. While I applaud his bravery to tackle this taboo church subject, I was shocked to read that he is challenging his congregation to a 30 day “Sex Challenge.” What is the sex challenge? That married attendees are encouraged to have sex every day for 30 days. Interesting!

All this got me to thinking … what kind of response would your church have if your preacher announced this same challenge on Sunday from the pulpit?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
30 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Stephanie says:

    I would be shocked….but I think you would make some marriages alot happier for atleast 30 days…haha

  2. Dcmba says:

    I would wonder what must (not) have been going on at his home recently.

    I also thought it was interesting that he asked all non-married people to abstain for 30 days. Uh, 30 days? Non-married?

  3. Brie says:

    There would probably be a few amens from the wings (or at least muttered under various people’s breath) and a lot of people looking like this: O_o

    Ha. I guess this is where it would be good to be an interim guy rather than the permanent pulpit guy.

    And giving would probably increase. Maybe that’s the plan. :)

  4. Donna says:

    It might be the thing that would finally get my husband interested in going to church with me….

  5. preacherman says:

    I don’t think that most Churches of Christ are ready for a challenge like this. Yes, we have Godly men like Joe Beam and family dynamics that do a wonderful ministry. I pray for Joe all the time. I pray that God continues to bless that ministry in a wonderful way and that the church of Christ will open up more and grow in their marriages, and families. You have same divorce rate in the Church as you do in the world and I belive something like this could help the Church. I mean we don’t hear sermons like this from our pulpits unless it is men like Joe Beam and others that might want to get out on the limb and have the nerve to address the topic.

  6. Brandon says:

    I really wanted to comment on this story on my website, but I’ve [almost] decided against it, seeing as many of our readers are unmarried missionary students.

    I spent a good amount of time on this church’s website the other morning, and even watched the first sermon that introduced the whole thing challenge. It really is just a marriage-enrichment seminar, with that one “subtle” difference. Overall, I think it’s most definitely well-intentioned (and quite creative), but it borders that whole question of “How far is too far in getting people’s attention?”

    The singles’ challenge is to challenge those visitors (hopefully) to re-examine their relationships and to take thirty days to “do it God’s way” (their words) to see what your relationship is really made of – is it based on the artificial, or on things that last?

    The church definitely needs to talk about this more, though, and so you have to applaud them for doing something that hasn’t been done before.

    By the way, their site is http://www.relevantchurch.com. If you’ve got twenty minutes, you should listen to or watch that introductory message – it’s pretty good.

    Who knows…maybe you might want to talk your spouse into taking the challenge.

  7. blogprophet says:

    hype, fluff,
    I am not offended by the sex challenge, but this sounds more like marketing than ministry.

    did the plan involving couples talking, praying, studying together, etc. or just banging?

  8. Anonymous says:

    The plan includes this study guide/journal for the couple to go through together, I think even daily, but I’m not sure. It’s seems pretty focused, but it’s still obvious they’re trying to get attention for it.

    And look at us here talking about it and everything!

  9. Doug says:

    On Sunday, if I were to announce such a challenge…I don’t even want to think about what might happen.

  10. leslie says:

    would the pulpit’s challenge come with foreplay, i mean, a preamble?

    there would have to be pretty clear reasoning behind what the goals of the challenge is? and a comfortable definition of what kind of sex supports those goals–i’m assuming, however, that the definition is between what the couple can agree upon?

    and really, how honest are the participants going to be?

  11. blogprophet says:

    i’m sure it is popular with the men, and assuming they practice male leadership, the preacher might even get a raise out this.

  12. dmjenkins says:

    I think our preacher wouldn’t say it. It is the world that has made sex a bad thing. It is a gift from God; a gift meant for husbands and wives. I recommend anyone married or about to be married listen to Jimmy Evan’s “Marriage on the Rock”. Jimmy talks about why intimacy in a marriage is vital to it’s success.

  13. Greg says:

    I tried early this morning to comment and it was rejected. Can you imagine how devastated I felt? My comment was I would walk out during his sermon to get an early start on his challenge!

  14. Greg says:

    P.S. Let us know how it goes over at your church this coming Sunday!

  15. Anonymous says:

    There is a disclaimer on the Relevant website about appropriateness for certain people. The real question s not shoule we be talking about sex in a Christian environment but what venue is best.

    I don’t think the old style, used with young people, of dividing up the group by gender and discussing it is the best way. But, I am not sure the pulpit is the best way to be as clear as I think some of these things should be said. I think it was Tommy Nelson who did a series on Song of Solomon that was pretty clear on this topic. We used it in a young marrieds class 10 years ago.

    As for the non-married challenge, why should we pretend like they aren’t doing anything. Concepts like ‘friends with benefits’ have been around along time. I look at the my space pages and the like of ‘good christian kids’ and some are shocking. Not to sound too judgmental but look at some of the favorite music of some of the staff of this ‘relevant’ church. Is listing Tupac or Kanye West a good guage of the difference in reality and what we think a good christian is doing, thinking or living. (Those artists don’t reflect my understanding of Christian values – imho, fwiw)

  16. TREY MORGAN says:

    Well said anonymous. I recently taught on the subject of Biblical sex and what God wants and expects in our Sunday morning young adult’s class. It seemed to go over pretty well for such a hush-hush subject.

  17. Robert Lukenbill says:

    I think I would go up to my minister and slap him in the mouth for saying “sex” in front of my children! Oh wait, they hear that everyday on TV. Perhaps, in good taste, we need to hear about the godliness and sanctity of marriage/sex and husband/wife relationships (not just sex) so that our children at a young age will look forward to a long wonderful relationship instead of just high school one night stands?

    Just a thought.

  18. Zach says:

    All I can say is HIGH FIVE!!!

  19. Dee Andrews says:

    As an older, long married Christian woman, I think that “challenge” is WAY out of line for a good many reasons.

    For one, while “having sex” or “making love” in a physical way can be a great source of joy for a married couple, there are other things between the couple that can be just as important. Intimacy.

    And you can have (and should have) true intimacy apart from the sexual relationship alone. It all goes together, but the physical relationship should not be the central component to a married couple’s life. I don’t think.

    There can arise a lot of physical problems in a marriage as the couple grows older, but their love is not diminished at all. In fact, it continues to grow and flourish.

    That’s been OUR experience, anyway.

    Maybe for younger people in their prime physical state such a challenge would have some meaning, but I think it takes away from and distracts from what is really more important, which I think it intimacy.

    I would certainly not like to hear such a challenge from the pulpit. I would be offended, frankly, because I think it’s a superficial thing and not the most important thing to be talking about to try to build up marriages.

    Every marriage is different, for one thing, and every partner in a marriage is different. Not all are ready or capable of following such a strict schedule, to put it bluntly.

    Oh my word . . . what is this world coming to.

    Much love,

    Dee

  20. Anonymous says:

    It’S a subject that certainly needs to be taught under certain circumstances and to different audiences and very gently using God’s word as the text. Assigning such homework would offend me and I think I would tell him to mind his own business. The Bible tells me what I need to do.

  21. Anonymous says:

    I’m doing my part.

    g

  22. Anonymous says:

    Sex is put on a huge pedastal in our world. Having sex every day for thirty days will be like eating a pint of your favorite ice cream every day for a month.

    By the time you’re done, you’ll be glad to be done with it.

    Sometimes you have to get sick of something before you can put it in its proper place.

    PS – For men, there is no such thing as intimacy separated from sexuality. It is part of a man’s self-worth. Men cannot have their need for intimacy fulfilled by two hours of holding hands and smelling flowers. Men exhibit servant leadership in the marital relationship by sacrificing their sexual need for intimacy in order to develop their spouse’s sense of worth, which must be nurtured carefully. Peter calls women “fine china” (1 Pet 3:7) whom husbands should treat with understanding rather than ruling over them in a domineering sense. I think that in our world today, this situation has been reversed. Wives have something that husbands desperately need – the power to display approval of them AS MEN – and it is consistently used as a means of control.

    In a culture that has no idea how to deal with sexuality, I think it is foolish to suggest that it should be locked behind bedroom doors and ignored by the Christian community. One of the most destructive forces in humanity, and we shouldn’t counsel one another on how to deal with it?

    This isn’t Eisenhower’s America anymore, people. Wake up.

  23. Philip Murphy says:

    What about a mutual 30 day sex fast? (as opposed to fast sex) That seems to be just as, if not more, of a Biblical approach to sex.

    Like another poster implied, I think I’d rather have Dr. Love Beam conduct seminars on these subjects as opposed to a Pulpit Challenge.

  24. HisPrincess says:

    I’m thinking it would convince my husband to come to church with me! And I’m also thinking it would see a lot of woment chasing a harried pastor around with baseball bats! Just kidding! Maybe…..

  25. roadtripray says:

    Sorry I’m late commenting on your post, but I’ve been really busy the last 30 days or so.

    But seriously, I think marital intimacy is certainly a legitimate subject for church, but not sure about the challenge. As someone already pointed out, there are those for whom physically this can be problematic. This could add more strain to an already difficult situation. Now 30 days of intimacy would be better. Intimacy can mean sex, or it can mean other things.

    My wife and I went to a Dr. Gary Chapman seminar Saturday February 16th. I think he really has a handle on Christ-centered marriage and helping couples to bring the intimacy back to their marriage. I agree with Dr. Chapman that all couples should try to go to one marriage seminar/conference/class each year, just to make an intentional effort at keeping connected. As he pointed out, no matter what job you have, your employer probably requires you go to seminars or some kind of training event at least annually, and what is more important than your marriage?

    Peace,

    Ray

  26. Helen Keller says:

    Trey if you do I might die! I know some people whom would not complain one bit!

  27. Anonymous says:

    I happened upon your blog by way of reading the blog of a friend of a friend of mine!

    Here are some thoughts I personally have about “this taboo church subject”:

    Ultimately, it would be great to rely on families to raise children up in a home environment that would promote healthy, loving, mature, relationships that would last “until death do us part.” But in my opinion we are living in a bubble if we believe that will happen.

    Why?

    If the church (I was raised in a CofC home and was in church the first Sunday after my birth) had a more open approach regarding sex perhaps men and women would have healthier relationships. Age appropriate discussions could lead to healthier families and thus healthier congregations.

    Here are some of the things my family taught me:

    A woman is to submit to the man. The man is the man and whatever he says goes.

    If a woman is raped, she asked for it.

    Children in my family were told that anything that happens in the family stays in the family. (Funny {not ha ha funny{since all sin was to be confessed in church!)

    If issues such as sex, relationships, etc. had been discussed in a healthy way in church, perhaps I would’ve felt that I could’ve approached someone at church and told them about the abuse I was suffering at home. Instead, I felt condemned to hell, sinful, unforgivable, unlovable, unworthy, ugly, and the list goes on and on.

    On the outside, my family looked very good. But behind closed walls it was an unsafe and unhealthy environment.

    By the grace (and that’s another thing I believe should’ve been taught in church, grace!) of God I was able to break the cycle of abuse I suffered. I have grown in faith instead of turning away from God.

    I no longer attend the CofC. I now attend a non-denominational church that addresses the hardships of life and talks about grace.

    God is good!

  28. TREY MORGAN says:

    Anonymous – Sorry to hear about the way you were taught “family.” Surely not the way God intended it to be. I appreciate your openness. I pray that the cofc becomes a church that teaches on tough subjects and addresses needs and grace.

    Blessings

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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