Depending on how things are going, sex in marriage can be one of the greatest delights or one of the biggest frustrations. Balancing work, kids, bills, hobbies and home-life can often be tough to juggle. Trying to add sex into the mix of those things, many times couples find themselves moving it to the back burner because they are too busy or too tired. Before long, a couple that has ignored their sexual intimacy finds themselves not feeling as connected as they once were and frustration sets in. We believe a healthy sex-life is a powerful glue in marriage, and it’s important to work hard to keep the romance alive. You’ll never “find time” for intimacy in your marriage, you’ll have to “make time.” It must be a priority.
So, here are 9 simple traits of a healthy sexual relationship that will help you ask, “Are we on the right track when it comes to sex in our marriage?” WHEN IT’S HEALTHY …
1) YOU ARE COMFORTABLE TELLING YOUR SPOUSE WHAT YOU WANT. Communicating is one of the keys to a healthy sex life.
2) YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM. Good sex starts early in the day, outside the bedroom, with things like communication, checking in, good morning texts, a sweet note, flowers, etc.
3) YOU ARE COMFORTABLE TELLING YOUR SPOUSE WHAT YOU LIKE AND DON’T LIKE. Opening up and talking about likes and dislikes helps build trust and vulnerability.
4) YOU ARE WILLING TO CHANGE IT UP IF NEEDED. Sometimes it’s easy to get stuck in a rut, and you need to look at changing things up such as time, location or position.
5) YOU ARE WILLING TO TRY SOMETHING NEW. There are so many great Christian books on sex and intimacy. Couples willing to educate themselves on the topic always benefit from it. FYI: Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman is a fantastic book on sex in marriage.
6) YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE BOTH COMFORTABLE WITH THE AMOUNT OF SEX YOU ARE HAVING. Statistics say the average couple has sex 2-3 times a week. We say ignore the statistics and have sex as often as you’re comfortable doing it. Some couples may find having sex 2-3 times a week is too much. Others may find that is not nearly enough. It’s important for you and your spouse simply to figure out what works for you. Don’t allow your marriage to be confined by the statistics.
7) BOTH YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE ARE WILLING TO INITIATE SEX. It’s healthy for both husband and wife to initiate. No spouse ever wants to feel as if they are asking all the time.
8) YOU BOTH REALIZE THAT SEX IS JUST PART OF WHAT MAKES UP THE RELATIONSHIP, NOT “THE” RELATIONSHIP. Sex isn’t what defines the marriage, but it’s an important part of it. Sex will not fix a bad marriage, but no sex will probably damage a good one.
9) NEITHER OF YOU ARE SELFISH AND WANT THE OTHER’S NEEDS TO BE MET SEXUALLY. If you want to ruin your sex life in your marriage, make it all about you. If you want to bless your sex life in your marriage, make sure your spouse’s needs are met as well.