13 Stupid Things That A Husband Should NEVER Do

Sometimes talking with our wives can be like navigating through a field loaded with dangerous landmines. Just one miscalculation or wrong answer and you can land in the doghouse. So on a Monday when you could use a little humor, here are 13 things you should never say or do to your wife or girlfriend.

  1. Never give an appliance, broom or cleaning supply as a gift. I learned this hard lesson early in marriage when I brought a broom home as a surprise for Lea. That broom is still sitting in my garage. She’s never used it. Lesson learned.
  2. Never refer to keeping your own kids as “babysitting.” When a 15 year old girl from church does it, it’s called babysitting. When you do it, it’s called taking care of your own children.
  3. Never say, “It must be that time of the month, eh?” Even if it IS … don’t say that.
  4. Never suggest that your job is harder than hers, even if you feel it is.
  5. Never say, “You are just like your mother.”  If you do, she’ll probably go spend some time with her mother and leave you sleeping in your bed … alone.
  6. Never suggest that your driving is superior to hers, even if you feel it is.
  7. Never be unimpressed with or complain about a meal that took lots of effort. That’s just common sense.
  8. Never be critical about your wife’s new haircut. Reread this one, because this one might get you in more trouble than all the rest … combined.
  9. Never expect a medal for a little housework. Men, including me, have this crazy idea that they should get a gold medal if they help around the house a little bit. It’s your house too … help pick it up.
  10. Never ask, “Have you put on a little weight lately?” Even if she’s knocking over lamps in the living-room with her hips, there is NEVER a time to ask it that way.
  11. Never compare your wife’s cooking to your mother’s. Wow, maybe as BIG a no-no as #7. And saying anything like, “Well, that’s not the way my Mom did it,” will only cause you to have to spend a lot of time with your Mom.
  12. Never answer her question, “Why yes, that DOES make you look fat,” when asked.
  13. Never say, “Are you REALLY going to wear that?” Unless of course you’re wanting a black eye.
Have a great Monday …

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: , , , Read 1182 articles by
18 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Crista Birney says:

    Love this haha…especially the one about babysitting your own kids!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Men really struggle with that one. I remember early in marriage my wife specifically saying, “Babe, quit calling it babysitting … they are your own children!”

  2. Sarah S. says:

    And I know that rule #1 for wives is “Do not email them this list…” Bummer. :-) Actually, my guy has some pretty good common sense when it comes to most of that, and what he doesn’t … he’s learned after 19 years. :-)

    • Trey Morgan says:

      You are so funny, Sarah. I think the email idea is worth a try on some guys. Glad you got a smart one. If he’s anything like me, I’ve said most of these things early and learned quickly, “I will never say or do that again.”

  3. Wendy says:

    Never be unimpressed with or complain about any meal. Be glad she is cooking. Or you may like to cook your own? Be grateful for the effort she has made, even if the results are less than stunning.

  4. Dawn says:

    Mine goes with Wendy’s but… Never say “It’ll make a turd” when she worked hard on a meal. Ever. Unless you would like to eat one.

  5. Debra says:

    Fun list. Except some of that does depend on the situation. Like I would LOVE a KitchenAid mixer for Christmas, but my husband had it drilled into him by his mother that practical gifts are a no-no. I’d also love a dishwasher… while my husband has learned not to give me silly jewelry, he’s only starting to realize that I really DO want something that makes my life easier. NOT a broom, however. That I’ll buy myself, thankyouverymuch.

    And my husband is free to compare my cooking to his mother’s all he wants. Dale did on Saturday. I brought home pizza from Pizza Hut. Our standard joke about visiting my MIL has to do with her standard home-cooked meal… delivery from the nearest pizza joint. So yeah, on those rare occasions where we eat purchased pizza, he’ll smile and say, “ahhhh, just like Mom always made…”

  6. Only 13? And “Don’t leave the toilet seat up” didn’t even make the list?

  7. Vicki Locklear says:

    Love this , thanks Trey

  8. Brian B. says:

    Number one isn’t exactly true. A couple of years ago, my wife specifically asked for a Roomba for Christmas, so that’s what she got. She loves it because it is easier to keep the house clean.

  9. Barry Wiseman says:

    RE: #11
    You CAN compare her cooking to your mom’s if you’re going to say you like the way your wife cooks it better. And it better be the truth…. just sayin’.

    RE: #12
    I’m to the point now that I can effectively fake not hearing at times and not automatically be accused of “selective hearing.” To help myself along with this, I call Marsha’s attention to the hearing aid ads on TV more. I’m not even a quarter-way kidding about this, unfortunately… because most of the time, it’s simply the truth.

    RE: #9
    Never, ever, expected a MEDAL. A kiss, maybe.

    And RE: #1
    I have to include “software” in that list of “never give as gifts” list. Her first birthday after we were married (we were married in December, her birthday’s in February), Marsha had been going on and on about wishing she had some kind of software to make calendars and cards with, so I thought it was a great way to please her with her desires and show that I was listening to her. Was VERY quiet around that little apartment for about 2 weeks.

  10. jim gambrell says:

    First wife and i have been married 50 years, made a lot a lot of mistakes along the way. But it is worth ever second of time together.

  11. Jewel Melton says:

    I think the first stupid thing you have listed is preferencial…I would love a broom as a gift! But then again, I’m weird that way. In fact, I ASKED for kitchen gadgets for Christmas this year. But even if I didn’t ask, I would love them!

    Thanks for sharing, as always!

  12. Jeff LupPlace says:

    I heard a preacher friend of mine offer me this advice once, “Never say if I were to agree with you we both would be wrong.” Sounds like good advice.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Trey Morgan
Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
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