LIE FOR YOUR KIDS. When a parent writes their child a note to school saying their child was sick or had a doctor’s appointment, and really they just over slept …. YOU are teaching them it’s OKAY to lie. Don’t you get it? NEVER lie to help cover up mistakes for your kids.- DON’T GIVE THEM ANY RULES. Just let them do what they want. They don’t need any direction.
- AUTOMATICALLY THINK EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET YOUR CHILD WHEN THEY GET IN TROUBLE. Your child is perfect, how could they ever do anything wrong? If your child gets in trouble it’s got to be somebody’s fault, but surely not your kid’s fault. When I was a kid, if I got in trouble at school (yea, hard to believe), I got in trouble when I got home as well. Now days, when a child gets in trouble at school, the parent thinks it’s the school’s fault, the teacher’s fault or the principal is picking on my child! Have you ever thought that your child just might have done something wrong?
- NEVER DISCIPLINE YOUR CHILDREN. Discipline is overrated. Just always threaten to punish them without ever following through. Want more on disciplining children? Click here!
- DON’T MAKE GOD A PRIORITY IN THEIR LIVES. They don’t need church, faith or a large dose of God these days. Instead let them discover their faith on their own … once they get older.
- PULL STRINGS TO GET YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF TROUBLE. Actually, if your child has done something that deserves punishment, let them be responsible for their own actions. Don’t threaten to call a lawyer, talk to the principal or talk to a superior to get your child out of trouble for something they’ve done. Have you ever heard of “you reap what you sow” or you have to be responsible for your own actions?
- BE INCONSISTENT. Tell your kids to do one thing then you do another. Tell them not to lie, and then let them hear you lie. Don’t practice what you preach. INSTEAD … be the parent that’s brave enough to get up and turn off a television show that doesn’t need to be on. Teach them by your example. Let your children see you consistently living what you preach. Be consistent.
- GIVE YOUR KIDS EVERYTHING THEY WANT. They may think they need a new car, the latest electronic games and the best clothes, but sometimes you have to say, “No.”
- STRIVE TO BE THEIR FRIEND MORE THAN THEIR PARENT. Believe it or not, your children need a parent more than they need another buddy. I wholeheartedly believe in being friends with your children, but not at the cost of giving up the role as their parent.
- UNDERESTIMATE THE ROLE OF THE FATHER. This coming year 40% of the children born in our country will be born in a home where there is no father. We’ve quickly become a country where the men like to fool around, but they don’t like to stay around. Despite Ephesians 6:4 telling us that it’s the father’s role to train the children, fathers are not taking responsibility for that role. Men … man-up, it’s time to be a dad.
Can you think of any I missed?
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 23 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
Don’t let them make any choices for themselves. They need to experience the satisfaction that accompanies a good choice and the disappointment or pain that follows a not-so-good one.
Good point, Karen.
Show disrespect for those in authority and for the laws of the land! Why should parents expect any different from their kids if they act rude and disrespectful and have the attitude of “it’s all about me, who gives a rip about anyone else”? We see it all the time out of loud unruly kids who think rules or just basic decency doesn’t apply to them. Most of them haven’t seen any different.
Hi Roxy
. You’re right, how will our children have respect for the law, authority and others if we don’t. Kids will do what we do. It’s that simple.
Never hug your children or tell them how special they are.
“Hugs are a great way to show love and affection for your child. But when your little one is acting jumpy, emotional, or out of control, they can do much more than that. A good hard hug, with lots of squeezing to the trunk and shoulders, can provide some powerful sensory input to a disorganized child and help restore feelings of calm and control.” Potential cure/or help for ADHD?
Laci … you sound like you have experience this first hand. Thanks for the comment, I had not thought of this.
Thought of another one.
Do your kids homework for them.
This is so frustrating. I was watching some kids and literially the parents said my job (& theirs) was to do the kids homework. They used the excuse that the teacher was providing too hard of homework for the kid.
Also…
Let your kid talk back to the refs.
I was a basketball coach and one player was talking back and getting in the refs face (at the ripe age of 4th grade) and the parents didn’t like me doing something about it. They were upset I would pull the kid out. Eventually the kid had to write me and apology note because they were being a smarty pants and talking back and over me during practice.
Wow, don’t get me started on talking back to the refs. I agree 100%.
I agree that men need to man up and be dads, but we can’t let the blame rest solely on them, either.
All children need fathers, but in this feminized world, women are often as much to blame as the men. Because of sperm banks and various other fertility options (or lifestyle choices) a woman feels the liberty to never meet the man who fathers her children, or to simply ask him to stay out of her life (dad should step up here, yes, but I’ve heard of women taking extreme measures to insure that daddy can’t see his babies).
We need men and women who can say that children don’t just need a mother, they don’t just need a father. They need both, or God would not have given both. We need fathers who value mothers. We need mothers who value fathers. We need families, the way God designed it.
Amen!
Well said, Savannah. Very well said.
Let boys be boys. Let mean girls be mean.
I am appalled at how many kids are brutally mean to their siblings and peers in both actions and words. Treating others with simple kindness and common courtesy is a taught/learned behavior. Your bullies and meanies will not outgrow it, and it will be a hindrance to their future jobs and opportunites.
Great point, Jenn.
Skip teaching your children to respect their elders…it doesn’t really matter!
If I had to pick one thing my wonderful Christian parents taught me that has meant the most, it would be to respect my elders.
#7 is so true. My Dad, (my best friend) always did what he said. Kids are not dumb, they will pick up on what your doing/not doing. They see when Dad says something but does another, they will file this away and use it as their foundation to build their character on.
Isn’t it great to have a father (or parent) as a friend and parent? I understand completely.
Sadly, I’ve witnessed people actively using these rules to ruin their children:
*Don’t talk to your kids. Let the TV and video games raise them.
*Raise your kids in your spare time. Make sure that they know you don’t have any time to pay attention to them.
*Talk negatively about the other parent to your children. Put your child in the middle.
*Laugh when they do something rude. Teach them to make fun of and bully others.
*Scream at them all the time so you can be sure they were listening to you.
“Don’t talk to your kids. Let the TV and video games raise them.” That should have made the list, NB.
11. Send them off with Mr Rickey
That would make the “do” list.
These are all very good points. I work in a job where I deal on a daily basis with young people that have been raised this way. I am one of the people parents finally see when their child has reached the point of no return. I am often asked what do I need to do, I can’t control him/her? I never have the right answer. I often tell them a great deal of groundwork is laid down when the kids are young. It is hard to change a person late in life who has behaved a certain way for many years. This top 10 is great I hope everyone shares it.
You are right … you got to be proactive as a parent when they’re young. You can’t wait until a child is 12 to start the training.
Love everything you said and everything everyone else said! Parenting is a “daily learn” for me. I do ok most days and I blow it some days. When I do blow it, the first thing I do is ADMIT it to my kids and ask for forgiveness. How can they ever own up to their own errors if we can’t own up to ours? Admitting your faults is the first step to learning.
Take time to laugh with your kids every day!
Kim … that’s hard. Necessary, but hard. I’ve had to, more than once, apologize to my children. It hurts. Thankfully they’re always willing to forgive me.
This may not ‘fit’ but it is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine……..
Allow your child to decide whether or not they want to wear a seat belt/get in the car seat.
Nothing says LOVIN’ like letting little Johnny WANDER around the vehicle while it is HURLING!!! 80 mph down the freeway!!! Only horribly, mean, restrictive parents would ever consider RESTRAINING their sweet baby in a moving vehicle.
When a child’s saftey is at stake ~ Parent RULES! PERIOD.
As an old paramedic I must say, preach on sister.
Great list Trey. # 6 is HUGE. One that comes to mind I see in schools……
Never let your kid think for themselves. That way they will just spend the rest of their life doing what everyone else thinks.
Well said, my friend.
Don’t teach that that it is okay to lose.
Don’t tell them how to deal with conflict (trials and tribulations) James Chapter 1.
Don’t teach them to let there yes be yes and there no be no.
Don’t teach them how they should treat there mother and likewise, there father
Don’t teach them your faith, that is, let them see no real faith so when they turn 18 they can reject your faith.
Don’t teach them Romans 12:1-2 and Colossians 3.
Dante … letting your children go though conflict isn’t easy. I’m a fixer and it’s hard to not want to fix things and make them better.
[...] from my friend Trey Morgan – and you need to read it. Please take the time to link to it here and read through it [...]
A failure to explain the ‘why’ behind any rules you make is often counterproductive. I think I get better cooperation when I explain the reasons. It also makes me evaluate my decisions more.
So the explanation, “because I said so,” isn’t a good reason, John? I totally agree with you.
Ahhhh. But sometimes there isn’t an explanation. Sometimes it’s just a gut feeling to say no, as long as it’s for the right reasons. Try explaining that one to a kid. Been there done that.
Sometimes it’s hard to give an reason and I too have had to say, “I’m sorry but you may not understand, but that’s the way it’s going to be.” It’s hard.
Don’t have anything to contribute. Everybody has already covered the favorites you missed.
BUT…. where’d you get your stat on the number of children born into single-parent homes in the coming year? I’d like to use that in a couple of weeks and the folks here don’t know you
Great article, again, Trey!
Barry … I found it on one of these links … hope that helps.
I remember times when I caught my kids skipping school–they both only did it once. I was the mama who wouldn’t write either one of them a note saying they had “doctor’s appointments.” They were both angry at me, but now they both understand since they have kids.
You are a good mama …
Great stuff, Brother! (as usual)
Even though you already covered these in your points, I think two fundamental no-nos are:
- Make your kids’ comfort level a high parenting priority.
- Make your kids’ approval of you a high parenting priority. (I love the Calvin & Hobbes strips when Calvin notifies his Dad that his approval ratings are unusually low among 7 year old boys and tigers!)
One more no-no I would add is:
- Don’t apologize to your kids when you make mistakes with them. After all, you have to be in charge, and don’t want to show them any “weakness,” right?!
Roger, always blessed to have you stop by and add your expert advice here.
Don’t let your kids see any affection (or emotion) in the home, between mom and dad, parents and kids, parents and their friends, etc.
My parents showed my siblings and me, as well as each other, affection, but I have adult friends who never saw it in their home. Most of them have a hard time being affectionate or showing emotions now.
Terrific article, Trey!
Donna … I agree wholeheartedly. It’s healthy for your kids to see and experience affection.
[...] 9, 2010 I came across this post by Trey Morgan via my friend Brian Hill’s blog. Trey offers some great insight on how to [...]