10 Things Wives Should Avoid Doing In Their Marriage

Here are 10 things that wives tend to do that REALLY hurt their marriage… (in case you missed it, here is the Husband’s list) 

  1. NEVER criticize or belittle your husband in public. A husband’s ego is fragile and being critical of him in public or to your girlfriends is crushing.
  2. NEVER withhold sex from your husband as punishment for something he has done wrong.
  3. NEVER put your relationship with your children above your relationship with your husband. Don’t stop being a mother, but just don’t make your children more important than your relationship with your husband.
  4. NEVER forget to regularly brag on your spouse. Men are like children, they are motivated by praise. You cannot tell him too often how nice he looks, what a good dad he is, what a good provider he is, how much he still turns you on, etc. Simply be his biggest cheerleader.
  5. NEVER view meeting your husband’s needs sexually as a chore, but as a priority. Whether you’re having sex five times a week or five times a year … be happy. A healthy sexual relationship with your spouse is a sign of a healthy marriage … so strive to make your sex life sizzle.
  6. NEVER use the silent treatment. The silent treatment is an immature and horribly unhealthy way of communicating that something is wrong. Just share your heart.
  7. NEVER expect your husband to read your mind or to know what’s wrong with you. Ladies, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a million more times, you CANNOT connect the dots close enough for us men to catch on to what you are thinking. Just spell it out. Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what your thinking will only lead to MORE frustration. Simply tell us what’s on your mind.
  8. NEVER underestimate the importance of doing things your husband likes to do. Be your husband’s best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Take interest in some of his hobbies. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you’re spending time together.
  9. NEVER take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated, so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I’m not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.
  10. NEVER forget to be limitless in your forgiveness. Husbands can make mistakes with the best of them, so always be willing to forgive.
WIVES: You may or may not agree with everything, but it is good to ask your husband about these 10 things.

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: , Read 1164 articles by
29 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Great post. #1 was a lesson I had to learn the hard way. I have a very sacartic/dry wit and what I (any many around me) thought was funny, was actually very hurtful. I had to apply this same lesson to my relationship with my best friend. I (now) never assume anyone is thick-skinned enough to be the butt of my joke.

  2. Tina Hare says:

    A big thing I learned the hard way was “airing” our dirty laundry with anyone or everyone that would listen. Especially with family-after a big fight I would forget & forgive the mean things said but not my family. Thanks for the reminders!!

  3. Krystal says:

    Not hard to tell a man wrote this.
    Sorry not all men are as shallow and simple as you put here. I get 1. But if Im mad at my husband no way in hell is he getting sex from me. Sex is suppose to be a happy time, not”oh he wants it but im not in the mood cause im pissed, I geuss he gets what he wants”
    That right there is damaging to the WIFE. Thats telling the wife she is no more then an object to be used anytime he wants her. That is NOT what a wife is for!
    And many times it IS better to say nothing for a while then to make things worse with words. There have been countless times a fight has ended in my marriage when no words were spoken for a day or so, We had time to cool off and we didnt make things worse by saying things we didnt mean.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Krystal …

      I’m sorry you didn’t like what I wrote. I am a man, but my wife helped me write it and agreed with it. So it has some “female” undertones.

      I don’t think anyone expects you to go from a fighting with your husband one minute to the bedroom the next. They idea is that withholding sex and intimacy isn’t used to punish your spouse. And, yes I agree with you that there are times to say, “I can’t talk right now, I’m mad and I might say something I regret.” But the silent treatment is something totally different. Going for hours or days holding a grade and not speaking is a horrible form of communication.

      In no way am I judging you, but I’ve learned for myself in my life, that sometimes when I don’t like something I read … when it really bothers me and even makes me mad, it’s often because it’s hitting a sore spot that I really need to work on … I just don’t want to admit it. Again, that’s just me.

      Thanks for your comment and for your helping me re-think about some of the things we’ve written.

      Blessings to you….

      • Krystal says:

        lol well, seeing as I have a wonderful marriage with a wonderful man and we have known each other since I was 10 years old and he was 12 , No sore spot hit. But If I were a man I would be insulted by this. You say “men are children” and then in a couple others you say men are to shallow and looks matter to much. Like I said, not all men are shallow and as simple as you tried to make them out to be in this article.

        • Trey Morgan says:

          Krystal … I was just thinking, and please feel free ignore this message if you want, but since you didn’t like my list can you come up with one for me on here? Your thoughts on 10 things wives shouldn’t do in marriage? I’m just curious what you would think.

          • robert dozier says:

            Amen, Krystal. Lots of generalities and baseless thinking in these posts. I guess no one ever told Trey, “Never say never and always avoid always.” Marriage is a relationship first and it is what it is. It can be tweeked but not fundamentally changed. Too many Christians (Conservative, Evangelical types) have institutionaled marriage. The Jews institutionalized the sabbath and voided it. Jesus said, The sabbath was made for man, not man for the sabbath. Same is true of marriage. Too many boast and are self-righteous about their long lasting marriages.

          • Trey Morgan says:

            You’re upset about people boasting and being self-righteous about having a healthy long lasting marriages? Serious?

  4. Jennifer says:

    I came across this posted on Pinterest and found some difference in opinions on some of your points. I like a good debate, but if I offend you in any way I will apologize now for it. To start with, I have been married twice. My first husband was abusive and I was more or less a trophy, my second husband has been an amazing man to me and my/our children. I think what has made my second marriage so much better is the fact that we are truly equal. Whatever I can do, he can do and I think that makes a world of difference.

    WIth #1- I agree you should never publicly humiliate your spouse, but I see nothing wrong with venting to a friend. So long as that friend isn’t going to treat your spouse badly because you had an argument or did something that upset you.

    With #2 and #5, it comes across as the wife should be at her husbands ever beck and call for the bedroom, which I do not agree with. It is just as much about the wifes “needs” and the husbands, and if you’re mad at them at that moment, that is the last thing you’re going to want to be doing. I can see where some may take it a little overboard and use it as a way to control the other spouse, which is wrong, but with the way it was worded didn’t seem to imply that.

    #3- ABSOLUTELY AGREE! With the exception of the spouse being abusive, they should ALWAYS come first. I was very glad to see this listen as it is something I feel many women forget once they have children. Raising children is a part of your life, your spouse is the one person you chose to share the rest of you life with. Once the kids are gone, they are still there.

    #4- I think we get caught up with the normal day to day drag and may start taking our spouses and what they do for granted. I would say hold off on being overly exuberant, but positive reinforcement is a definite must have.

    #6- I would think that if sex has become a chore, it would need to be taken as there are more deeper issues to address.

    #7- Yes, sad as it may be we women sometimes give our husbands too much credit and forget that they are only human, no super powers.

    #8- Doing nice little things here and there is a must for both parties. Now, being told you have to or that it’s your place to would be an issue with me.

    #9- With appearance, I am not so sure. I am lucky in the sense that after 12 years and 3 kids, I still have the same 5′ 9″ 130 lbs self that I was in high school and have done nothing for it. I agree with don’t be a trophy. A woman needs to have self respect and take care of herself, but I feel it should be for her more than for him. I mean, why should I strive to maintain myself when he gains 50+ lbs. I think that appearance on the outside should not matter as much as the person you are on the inside. I could gain 100 lbs right now and my husband would still love me.

    #10- I agree that there are always going to be the constant little things that need to be forgiven, but there are some things that are not forgivable. Forgetting a birthday, anniversary, to take out the trash, those can and should be forgiven. I think that would go along with picking your battles. There is no point in arguing over who forgot to turn on the coffee pot, who forgot to write down a check that ended up over drawing the account, or the constant “why is it so hard for you to remember to take out the trash every Monday morning!”, but there does come a point where some things cannot be forgiven, like infidelity or abusiveness. Those would be two where a definite line was crossed.

    I hope this doesn’t come across as too brash or attacking in any way. I look forward to reading your next list for the husbands!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Jennifer,

      No apologies necessary. Thank for your kindness and your comment. I never have a problem with people disagreeing with something I say or write … and I especially appreciate it when they are kind in the way they do it, like you did.

      I like the way you commented on each point, you did a great job. I’m sorry you went through an abusive marriage … no one should EVER have to experience something like that.

      I’ll have the “husbands” list up in a day or so. Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting.

  5. Carol says:

    Trey I think you covered everything in your comment the other day about “putting the needs of your spouse before your own”. When that’s done…..everything seems to work. We are all guilty of being too concerned about “my, my, me, me”.
    And to continue everyday to treat your spouse as you did when courting….respect being the biggie. Looking forward to the next list.

  6. Latrise says:

    Where is the one about the 10 things men should aviod doing in their marriage?

  7. Trey Morgan says:

    Ladies … one of the best thing you can do with this list is talk to your husband about it. Instead of debating it, ask him things like, “How am I doing on #______?” or “Do you agree with #_________?”

    Communication is the glue that holds your marriage together. Never assume you are meeting all his needs well … ask him. :)

  8. Melissa Poling says:

    Trey, I never knew how powerful practicing #8 could be.I went zip lining with Jay two weeks ago and he’s still talking about it. I should have done it way back when we were in Youth Ministry. Thanks for pointing out the importance of strengthening this particular area of relationship. Parasailing is next on our list. :)

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Melissa … guys love having their playmate be their wife. I know I do. Lea has learned to love baseball, football and other things that I enjoy.

      Parasailing sounds awesome … so does zip-lining.

  9. mike says:

    Daaaaaaang, brother. Maybe you shoulda done the dudes list first! :)

    If the unhappy ladies talk to their husbands about this list, and the husbands are honest, no matter what they say, your post has succeeded.

    Keep up the great work!

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Ha … that made me laugh, Mike. I love that we’ve had some good comments here and we’re challenging one another with our thinking. Husbands tomorrow … I’m guessing not as many comments. :)

  10. Amanda says:

    Good Morning,
    I stumbled over this post this morning via Pinterest having never heard of you before.
    While I disagree with your verbage on several points I appreciate the overall message you’re trying to convey. I suppose the only point I disagree with in context in #9.
    However, I think when you present a list like this, aimed at the opposite sex, it comes off like these rules apply ONLY to women. Or that the rules are different for men and women. While I think women and men have different needs…I believe the overall essence of your list applies to both sexes in marriage.
    But hey, it’s your blog and you can write whatever you want it. And even though I don’t totally 100% agree with everything you wrote, I admire anyone who spills their guts on the internet for all to see.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Amanda,

      I’m honored you stopped by my blog, and honored you left a comment. Your comment and thoughts were well thought out. As for #9, it’s a fact that one of men’s top 5 needs are an attractive spouse (via, Dr Willard Harley). As shallow as that may sound, IF that’s a BIG need of someone’s husband, then their wife needs to take that seriously. That’s not always a need of every man, but if it is, his wife needs to strive to meet that need. In the same way, one of my wife’s greatest needs is conversation, I know for a fact that conversation is the glue to a marriage, but for the life of me I don’t know why it’s so important to my wife. She considers it one of her biggest needs, I don’t even consider it in my top 5. BUT because it is a great need of hers, I take it VERY serious and work hard to give her all the conversation she wants and needs.

      I hope that makes sense. Thanks again for stopping by. Have a great weekend.

  11. liz says:

    I have read the blog and the comments. While I was not going to make a comment, as I have read more I have decided to voice my opinion. I find that I do not agree with your number 5, for the way it is stated — a wife must be happy to provide sex to her husband and also be happy that he has choosen to have sex with her. If the marraige is a happy one or if the husband treats his wife as the woman he loves with all of his heart—then yes sex is good and should sizzle. But it is the blanket statement that has been made that is causing the problem. My ex-hubsband always treated me like some prostitute he found on a street instead of the Christian woman I was. I lived through this treatment for many years and I guess that if he had not ran offf with a woman who loved to be treated that way, I would still be married to him. Divorce was not how I was raised. But according to the blanket statement, I am suppose to be happy with the sex I got from him no matter how he made me feel during or after the act. While I agree the sex should sizzle and be wonderful, no woman should be made to feel lower than dirt because of a man’s desire for pleasure. Also I experienced marital rape from this man. There is no way either of these two situations made me feel happy, loved, or even pretty. But I have to say that I never withheld sex from him. Granted sex on my terms was never an option.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Liz,

      I’m so sorry about what you experienced in your marriage with your husband. That was not the way God ever intended the sexual relationship in marriage to take place. I hate that for you and my heart hurts that you had to even experience that. That was NOT what God ever intended and you are right #5 wouldn’t apply to a relationship like that. Sex in marriage is about intimacy … and it doesn’t sound like there was any of that.

      Your relationship was not the norm. So in a normal, healthy marriage relationship, I still stick by what I wrote on #5. The number 1 need of most all men is sexual fulfillment and while it may not be as important to wives, they still have to make it a priority to meet that need in their husband’s life. The very best thing that a wife can do is communicate with her husband on what his needs are and how best to meet them … AND the same goes for the husband as I’ll post tomorrow.

      I’ve said a million times in marriage workshops, that when it comes to the sexual relationship in a marriage … if husbands will simply treat their wives like a queen … then “getting lucky” won’t require any “luck” at all.

  12. Tara says:

    Trey,

    Awesome and inspired post! I am not surprised to see that some defensiveness coming to the forefront, however. In this postmodern culture we value independence and reward self-sufficiency. What we fail to realize is that this is usually a thin disguise for the sin of pride.

    When I decided to finally let God rule in every area of my life, I told my husband something like this: God has ordained you as the spiritual head of our family. This has nothing to do with your knowledge of the Word or even your personal spiritual maturity up to this point. (I had many more years of growing in faith than he had) It just is your role, pure and simple. I give you my permission to stand in the authority of that calling and I will, with the Lord’s help, respect you as the head.

    Trey, I can’t even begin to convey the ways God has blessed our family and my husband’s faith journey since that conversation took place. One of the biggest blessings for me personally has been the way my attitude about sex has come to match and even sometimes surpass my husband’s! And I believe it is the result of the total trust and security that comes through humble submission to God and my husband.

    We must remember that God’s ways will many times seem backward to the ways of the world.

    May God bless you abundantly.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Tara …

      Thanks for your comment and your perspective. It’s amazing how things work when both the husband and wife do things God’s way.

      Continued blessings in your marriage.

  13. [...] this week I posted about “10 Things Wives Shouldn’t Do In Marriage.”  Here’s a list for the [...]

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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