Last Thursday night I told Lea to put on her dancing shoes, we were going out. Actually I can’t dance, but I do still date. We left the boys at home and had supper at the restaurant of her choice (unfortunately not the deuce). It was a good chance for Lea and I to just sit and visit without to many interruptions. The evening was great. I love spending time with Lea. She is without a doubt my best friend.
That night Lea told me she was glad I still knew how to “date.” And it got me thinking that there’s probably a lot a men who’ve forgotten how to date their wives. I’m not talking about just “a night out” every now and then. I’m talking date. The problem is men like to win things. We like winning at sports, games, contests and girls. Before marriage, when a man dates a woman and decides he likes her, he tries to win her. He woos her with cards, flowers, candy and other little things. The problem is once the marriage takes place we men are bad about thinking we’ve accomplished our goal … “we’ve won her.” We quit doing all those things we once did to win her. We either quit or just forget how to date. This is tough on the wives, and some men aren’t bright enough to see what is going on. I have to remind myself all the time that Lea loves the “little things.”
So here are a few tips for men that will make your wives really happy…
1 – Make date night a priority and a regular activity. Find a babysitter and go to supper, a movie or both. Make sure you either don’t answer your cell phone or even turn it off.
2 – Ask her what she needs from you. Look her in the eyes and ask her what she needs. Then try and do it.
3 – Protect her from the world. I do everything I can to protect my wife from criticism, mean spirited people and yes, sometimes even the church.
4 – Always talk about her in a positive light. Say praising things to others about her. Especially if she’s present.
5 – Pray with her. There is NO time in my marriage that I feel more oneness and intimacy than when I’m praying with my wife.
6 – Don’t have separate jobs. That means it won’t hurt you to get up and run a vacuum, wash the dishes or help out with the kids on a regular basis. Whoever came up with the idea that the man’s only job in marriage is to “make a living” told a BIG fat lie.
7 – Treat her like a queen. Do something special for her, bring her flowers, write her a note, go shopping with her (yuck, I don’t like that either), make the bed for her or call her from work just to see how she’s doing.
8 – Learn the art of “non-sexual touching.” For some men non-sexual touching is an oxymoron. It’s two words that don’t go together. But what our wives needs sometimes is their hand held, their hair stroked or their shoulder’s rubbed in a non-sexual way. This is called affection and it is most likely your wife’s number 1 need. Understand though, affection is not a precursor to sex. And if you still don’t understand what I’m talking about, email me and I explain it a little better for you (I’m trying to keep this post rated PG-13).
9 – Take an interest in what your wife likes. You did this before you were married, why not do it again. You can’t find two people more different that Lea and I, but we have learned to like each other’s interests and hobbies. Try it … you might be surprised, some of the things she likes might be fun.
10 – Be the spiritual leader in your home. Lead them to church, don’t just bring them to church. Let them see you praying, reading your Bible and acting like Jesus. Be the spiritual leader in your home.
Okay girls, tell me what I left out…