Last Thursday night I told Lea to put on her dancing shoes, we were going out. Actually I can’t dance, but I do still date. We left the boys at home and had supper at the restaurant of her choice (unfortunately not the deuce). It was a good chance for Lea and I to just sit and visit without to many interruptions. The evening was great. I love spending time with Lea. She is without a doubt my best friend.

That night Lea told me she was glad I still knew how to “date.” And it got me thinking that there’s probably a lot a men who’ve forgotten how to date their wives. I’m not talking about just “a night out” every now and then. I’m talking date. The problem is men like to win things. We like winning at sports, games, contests and girls. Before marriage, when a man dates a woman and decides he likes her, he tries to win her. He woos her with cards, flowers, candy and other little things. The problem is once the marriage takes place we men are bad about thinking we’ve accomplished our goal … “we’ve won her.” We quit doing all those things we once did to win her. We either quit or just forget how to date. This is tough on the wives, and some men aren’t bright enough to see what is going on. I have to remind myself all the time that Lea loves the “little things.”

So here are a few tips for men that will make your wives really happy…

1 – Make date night a priority and a regular activity. Find a babysitter and go to supper, a movie or both. Make sure you either don’t answer your cell phone or even turn it off.

2 – Ask her what she needs from you. Look her in the eyes and ask her what she needs. Then try and do it.

3 – Protect her from the world. I do everything I can to protect my wife from criticism, mean spirited people and yes, sometimes even the church.

4 – Always talk about her in a positive light. Say praising things to others about her. Especially if she’s present.

5 – Pray with her. There is NO time in my marriage that I feel more oneness and intimacy than when I’m praying with my wife.

6 – Don’t have separate jobs. That means it won’t hurt you to get up and run a vacuum, wash the dishes or help out with the kids on a regular basis. Whoever came up with the idea that the man’s only job in marriage is to “make a living” told a BIG fat lie.

7 – Treat her like a queen. Do something special for her, bring her flowers, write her a note, go shopping with her (yuck, I don’t like that either), make the bed for her or call her from work just to see how she’s doing.

8 – Learn the art of “non-sexual touching.” For some men non-sexual touching is an oxymoron. It’s two words that don’t go together. But what our wives needs sometimes is their hand held, their hair stroked or their shoulder’s rubbed in a non-sexual way. This is called affection and it is most likely your wife’s number 1 need. Understand though, affection is not a precursor to sex. And if you still don’t understand what I’m talking about, email me and I explain it a little better for you (I’m trying to keep this post rated PG-13).

9 – Take an interest in what your wife likes. You did this before you were married, why not do it again. You can’t find two people more different that Lea and I, but we have learned to like each other’s interests and hobbies. Try it … you might be surprised, some of the things she likes might be fun.

10 – Be the spiritual leader in your home. Lead them to church, don’t just bring them to church. Let them see you praying, reading your Bible and acting like Jesus. Be the spiritual leader in your home.

Okay girls, tell me what I left out…

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Read 1182 articles by
20 Comments Post a Comment
  1. Neva says:

    Not a thing—I love it when Ned is my friend, my rescuer, my protector, my leader. I love it when he listens and comforts. I love it when I feel him looking at me across the room and I can tell he is glad I am his wife.
    Good post, Trey

  2. The Preacher's Household: says:

    I know I’m not a girl, but Kathy and I have both read & discussed more than once the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It is much more effective if I am doing the things that communicate love to Kathy.

  3. lisa leichner says:

    I’d say you did a pretty good job. :)

  4. Brian Nicklaus says:

    hey thanks,
    this is the first time my wife has shown any interest in any blog, I printed it out for her…

  5. Mommysmart says:

    Perfect! I think that you nailed it all. I will be sure to email this to all of my married friends. #4 is my favorite. I think that is the secret to successful marriages. It is the best way to teach other people how to treat your spouse.

  6. JP Manzi says:

    I really appreciate these lists you come up with. Your wife is obviously a lucky women Trey.

  7. The Preacher's Household: says:

    You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink.

  8. The Preacher's Household: says:

    O.K. I won’t leave it like that. James and I dated every week until we moved here five years ago. I cant spend enough time writing the excuses – mainly on my part. We are both looking forward to being able to formally date on a more regular basis. For now, cherish each moment we get alone togther as date even if it is desert in our room, watching a tv movie, or blogging together. Good job with your list.

  9. Trey Morgan says:

    JP … I wouldn’t go that far.

  10. Bobby Cohoon says:

    Not a bad list. Now i have noticed that you put up a lot of “top ten” list; are you the David letterman of the pulpit? And, do you get these from the home office in Heaven? :-)

    Great List brother!


  11. Marie says:

    I think you nailed it!

  12. That Girl says:

    Have separate interests and regular time away from each other. I’m just sayin’. Of course, that could be why I’m a single girl! :)

  13. Liz Moore says:

    That’s a great list! The only thing I might add is be a good listener. :)

  14. Anonymous says:

    Your list is right on. I’ve learned most of these the hard way.

    To help other husbands avoid the mistakes that I’ve made, I started a service called By Husbands For Husbands with a goal to help husbands be more creative in romance.

    web: http://www.byhusbandsforhusbands.com
    blog: http://www.byhusbandsforhusbands.wordpress.com

  15. TREY MORGAN says:

    Gerry … thanks for dropping by. Yes, many of these are things we men learn the hard way.

    I’m looking forward to checking out your links.

  16. Anonymous says:

    ok, now 10 things to make your husband happy, please

  17. Anonymous says:

    Useless advice when your wife hates you, I go above and beyond all these things, I work hard, come home and cook for the family while my wife works three days a week and spends most of her days off taking the baby for a walk or sleeping, we have a live in nanny. I bring her flowers, I bring her little presents, I always suggest we go out where she wants to go, I push her to be more spiritual but she refuses and looks down on my religious activities, but to no avail, all she does is criticize me and hate me. She recently told me that I dont contribute to the family, how do you like that…you cant be more wrong.

  18. TREY MORGAN says:


    I’m not sure you’ll ever see this, but just in case you come back – I’m leaving you this message. I’m so sorry about the problems in your marriage. The simple advice I gave in this post is with the understanding that the husband and wife are both committed to the marriage and making it work. It sounds like your wife isn’t serious about her marriage. I have no doubt that it must be very frustrating to give 110% in a marriage and get nothing back in return. I said a prayer for you this morning … I pray that things will better for you. I also pray that God will soften your wife’s heart.


  19. Larissa says:

    This is a great list! I may repost this on my blog sometime, with your permission of course!

  20. Anonymous says:

    While I feel the list is very accurate, you may want to add, “Remember special occaisons and holidays”. Women take it personally when you forget or don’t acknowledge them. Otherwise the list was very helpful and I emailed it to my fiance.

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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Husband, father and cancer survivor & Senior Minister for the Childress Church of Christ. Tweets about life, marriage, Texas Rangers and randomness.
  • He was pretty tough to listen to as well.
  • As crazy as it might sound, Chris Collinsworth just might be worse to listen to than the song Christmas Shoes.
  • Please remember that some Christmas music is incredibly offensive to people with grandmothers who actually were run over by reindeer.
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