Yesterday I did “10 things a husband should never do,” so here’s one for the wives…
- NEVER criticize or belittle your husband in public. A husband’s ego is fragile and being critical of him in public or to your girlfriends is crushing.
- NEVER withhold sex from your husband as punishment for something he has done wrong.
- NEVER put your relationship with your children above your relationship with your husband. Don’t stop being a mother, but just don’t make your children more important than your relationship with your husband.
- NEVER forget to regularly brag on your spouse. Men are like children, they are motivated by praise. You can not tell him too often how nice he looks, what a good dad he is, what a good provider he is, how much he still turns you on, etc. Simply be his biggest cheerleader.
- NEVER view meeting your husband’s needs sexually as a chore, but as a priority. Whether you’re having sex five times a week or five times a year … be happy. I read recently that couples who reported any kind of marital intimacy, everything from holding hands to sex, exhibited lower levels of stress. Strive to make your sex life sizzle.
- NEVER use the silent treatment. The silent treatment is an immature and horribly unhealthy way of communicating that something is wrong. Just share your heart.
- NEVER expect your husband to read your mind or to know what’s wrong with you. Ladies, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it a million more times, you CANNOT connect the dots close enough for us men to catch on to what you are thinking. Just spell it out. Dropping hints or just expecting your husband to know what your thinking will only lead to MORE frustration. Simply tell us what’s on your mind.
- NEVER underestimate the importance of doing things your husband likes to do. Be your husband’s best friend and spend time doing things he likes to do. Take interest in some of his hobbies. Some of the best memories you can make together are when you’re spending time together.
- NEVER take for granted your physical appearance. Everyone knows that men are visually stimulated, so dress with the goal of pleasing him. I’m not saying you have to be a trophy wife, but do the best with what you have. Face cream, rollers in your hair and an old pink bathrobe should not be the norm for how he sees you.
- NEVER forget to be limitless in your forgiveness. Husbands can make mistakes with the best of them, so always be willing to forgive.
Can you think of any I left off?
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 22 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
OK. Just curious here. You're talking about sex as if husbands need it more than wives do. I know this is a delicate subject, but you didn't mention anything to us "husbands" about sexual obligations to the wife. I think they have needs to, don't they?
Doug – Generally, according to most studies, sexual fulfillment is the number one need for a man and not in the top 5 needs of "most" women. Understanding that not all women will fit that mold, then yes, the same would need to be said for a woman. Good thought.
The last thing Mr. Riley said to me this morning was, "Don't forget to read Trey's post today!"
Love That Girl's comment above! Good lists, both days. Forty one years of being with the Mrs. and every item on both lists are as relevant now as they were when we decided to spend our lives together.
Ha. Number 8 is how I wound up playing WoW (World of Warcraft for you non-nerds out there) with my husband. We spent many a fun evening on raids…
I've enjoyed the this little series. Thank you. I'm currently unmarried but have dedicated 2010 to becoming more marriable (in a Godly way). These are two great posts to help out as I enter the new year of learning and drawing closer to God.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Something I'm understanding more and more is that men absolutely crave respect. If you were to ask 100 husbands if they would rather be loved or respected, at least 99 of them would say they'd rather be respected. Wives, I don't think there's anything that makes your husband feel more manly than when they are shown respect. Since your husband is your best friend, like Trey said, find ways to show him how much you respect him…unconditionally. If you don't respect him, now is a perfect time to learn how!
Just my 2 cents.
Happy New Year, everybody!
With respect to Robin's comment above about learning how to respect a person, I always thought love is a choice but respect is earned. Have I missed something??
This list might be worth the time it took to read it if it was written by a woman but the fact that a man wrote it only makes the author look like the winner of the biggest wimp award.
I'd say they have a female touch … my wife helped me with all of them.
Then number 11 on the list should be to give your wife credit when it is deserved, shouldn't it?
If you've read this blog before, you'd know I give her credit all over this blog for pretty much everything. We do it all together, she just doesn't like the attention.
So, here you go, number 11) Give your wife credit.
Have a great day.
PS – Don't forget to check out the post from the day before, "10 Things a Husband should Never do." That one is for the guys … she helped me with those too…
My wife's list is the only one that matters. Thanks anyway.
Great post, Trey. As always.
I'd like to give my opinion in regards to Stoogelover's comment about love being a choice, but respect being earned.
While I agree with the idea that respect can and should be earned, my thinking is that if the greatest of all things, which is love, can be a choice to give, then why can't respect? Granted, some men (and women) make it harder for themselves when it comes to being respected, but since respect is something we should seek to give each living creature, I think it is imperative that we seek to give respect to our spouses, whether or not all of their actions are deserving.
There are certain levels of respect, and to attain a higher level, one must perform in accordance with that level. But since there are levels, that would mean there is at least some base level of respect that we can all start from.
The spouse who's husband (or wife) does not always perform admirably and worthy of a higher level of respect can and should still seek to exhibit a level of respect to the other person.
But then again, I'm a single college guy, so I really don't have much clout in this conversation.
I love these posts! I read "Sheet Music" (I heard you've read it too!), and my husband asked, "Where has this book been my whole life?" haha! Now he's reading it and we LOVE the message it gives.
Thank You Mr. Morgan!!!! Lovely message…
7th point, i have to correct myself and above all… the final one!!! — i am doing it, but its' the most difficult one and every time i remember "forgive us as we forgive those sins against us"
Keep praying for the happiness of all the couples in the world and i'll do the same
In regard to Stoogelover's comment: Scripture commands wives to respect their husbands and to submit to them. It does not give conditions or say that he needs to earn that respect–it is commanded by God. Thus, I see it similar to respect for kings, governors, presidents, etc., which is also commanded in Scripture: the respect is for the position, not necessarily because the person earned it. That said, if you give honor and respect even when you don't feel like it, genuine respect will follow.
Whenever I struggle to respect my husband, I focus on his most admirable traits, and it's not long before I have my perspective corrected.