10 Reasons NOT to Have an Affair

“Adultery is a brainless act and self-destructive … and a reputation ruined for good.” Proverbs 6:32 (Message)

For some time now, there has been a new online service promoting, “Life is Short, Have an Affair.” It REALLY burns me that they make it sound like an affair is the thing to do and nobody ever gets hurt. Sadly, too many people buy into their message hook-line-and-sinker.

My friends Duane & Kristina have a great little blog called “Our Marriage Restored.” The thing I love about Duane & Kristina, is after an affair threatened to tear their marriage apart, they chose instead to make it work. Their blog takes you through their amazing journey to restoring their marriage. Today, when so many people are giving up on marriage, they chose to work through their problems, and they share their story on their blog.

Here’s one of Kristina’s posts from a few weeks back that was excellent….

Let me tell you from personal experience ….  There are NO GOOD REASONS to have an affair!  Here are 10 Reasons NOT to have an affair.

1.  It’s wrong! (I’m pretty sure you know that already….)  It does not matter where you are from or what your “religion” is, most people and modern societies agree: INFIDELITY IS WRONG!  Remember those vows… You will be breaking them!  It’s also a sin against God and you really DON’T WANT TO GO THERE!

2. Your spouse doesn’t deserve it! You married him/ her because you loved them.  Just because you might not “feel” close to them, does not mean you can have an affair!  If you have marriage problems, an affair DOES NOT HELP PROBLEMS GO AWAY! Instead, you’re just adding more junk into an already struggling relationship.  If you feel like your marriage is falling apart, seek out a well-respected Christian counselor.

3. The excitement you might initially feel will end! After the excitement fades, you become exhausted trying to juggle two different lives and hiding secrets.

4. You will lose the respect of your friends, family and co-workers! It will take  a LONG time to rebuild trust & respect.

5. It will hurt your children! Make no mistake about it, they WILL be deeply affected by your selfishness.

6. It will cost you more money that you would ever be willing to spend! It all adds up fast! You spend money trying to “hide” your affair. Besides you buy new clothes, nights-out where you would not typically go, money spent to “show the world” everything is “okay”.  Then to add up the counseling fees, lawyer fees, time lost at work, etc.   My affair cost us thousands of dollars.  We are still recouping from it!  Let me tell you… it is hard!

7. It destroys your happiness! You might hear in your head if you have an affair you will be happy.  Don’t listen, it’s a LIE!  Really it makes you miserable…..  Secrets, lies, etc.  Losing your family, losing respect… need I go on?

Read the rest of this post (8 – 10) here.

Our marriage was restored by the grace & mercy of God.  It was NOT EASY.  It required more work than I ever thought I could ever imagine. We had to BOTH choose to make it work!  It took loads of forgiveness from Duane.. and MILLIONS of tears from both of us!  We still cry about it & although I know I have been forgiven… I will never forget what troubles my selfishness caused for our family & marriage!

————–

  • Can you think of any other reasons NOT to have an affair?
  • How have you seen affairs effect people?

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Article by Trey Morgan

I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast. Trey Morgan tagged this post with: , Read 1164 articles by
15 Comments Post a Comment
  1. HisFireFly says:

    “Don’t listen, it’s a LIE!” Oh how the enemy tries to tell us we would be happier if only we tried a different partner. Lies, lies, nothing but lies.

    Thanks so much for sharing how much devastion listening to the lie creates.

  2. Trey says:

    How can you betray the trust of your spouse? I cannot fathom looking my wife in the eyes and telling her I shattered all the trust that we had built.
    I don’t get it.

  3. Greg England says:

    10 reasons? Any one of the ten is enough reason not to have an affair! I just read Duane and Kristina’s story … what a testimony to grace and the power of forgiveness. A power that can only come from God. Can’t add to your list because I seem to even go there in my mind, but a POWERFUL reminder to all of us who think it could “never happen to me.” Thanks, Trey.

  4. Maggie Beth says:

    Trey, I always love that you hit hard, on the hard subjects!

    As a single woman I would like to add a little bone to chew on…

    (Sorry – as always I got wordy! and I think it turned into a mini-sermon!! LOL!)

    AFFAIRS ARE NEVER WORTH IT! It will come back on you AND your cheat-mate!!! It is a set-up for hurt and pain! NO ONE has EVER completely gotten away with an affair ~ King David anyone….

    In addition to do not have an affair! PLEASE DO NOT FLIRT! with other women/men in your spouses presense OR even when they are not around. I consider flirting LYING! When married men flirt with me, it turns my stomach ~ I ALWAYS stop flirting by asking the man, very sweetly, “How is your lovely bride doing? How’s that boy of yours?” and the conversation is cut short.

    Flirting is extremely disrespectful to your spouse/family AND is disrespectful to yourself. I asked my 88 yr old grandmother once if my grandfather was a flirt. She answered, without pause, “Only with me!” WHAT AN HONOR! She knows that her husband ONLY flirted with her! Just as he loved only her.

    My circle of friends KNOW — If Maggie B. starts flirting – MOVE! The game is on! ~

    Many will not agree with me ~ and that is fine ~ it is simply an observation from the OTHER SIDE! of the ring! ((LOL)) ~

    Maggie Beth

    • Trey Morgan says:

      AMEN and AMEN! I agree 100%. I think any man (or woman) that purposefully flirts has serious issues. I also struggle with married men (I’ve heard them say it) say while looking at a woman, “I may be on a diet, but I sure like looking at the menu.” Grow up.

      • Robin says:

        Thanks Trey, I think for many divorced people, esp. women, we just want to be treated like we were before. We’re no less of a christian or eager servant of the Lord….HE accepts our service and place in life. I guess that’s what makes it so hard for many of us who just want to be accepted for the same person we were before, just not married. Unfortunately, it brings me to the place where going to “church” is just not as important any more. Make no mistake, I’m still deeply connected to the Lord through small groups and prayer groups, but it’s not hard to stay home and enjoy a great service that is broadcast live on TV here in my city and sip my hot tea in my pj’s. I can stay in the safety of my own home and be filled even more many times b/c I don’t have to go sit in the pews where I feel less of a Christian.
        Praise the Lord for people like your friends who worked through the hard stuff to reap the joy of sharing their victory with everyone. Stories like theirs are a great testimony to what God can do to restore!

  5. Robin says:

    From the perspective of one who was cast off because of an affair that never ended and a spouse who was unwilling to give up his mistress, the intensity of the pain weakens over time, but the pain DOES NOT go away! The feelings of inadequacy and feeling like you were thrown out with the garbage because you were no longer good enough or worth much just don’t go away very easy. I”ve grown alot through my single life but the stigma and pain lingers and raises it’s ugly head from time to time. To watch the “New couple” hurts me inside but the tough outside of me treats them both with as much respect as I hope they will treat me with, though it’s not easy. Satan regularly uses that weak area of me to “dig”. Make no mistake about the children either, it doesn’t matter how old they are and mine were older but they still have issues because of the affair. Divorce was not an option for me but it became the only option after two and a half years of trying alone.(I refused to file….I MADE him file if he wanted out) You can’t save it alone, it takes both for sure to make it work. It’s been 10 years but I don’t think I will ever totally get over the loss.

    It’s a couples world and a “couples church”…divorced brings a stigma that whether intended or not, is very much there reminding you often of what happened. Unfortunately for me, the church is not an accepting arena for divorced single women. I don’t think for a minute that it is a conscious decision to exclude/treat differently divorced women but it is that way at least in my situation. From once being very involved to now being overlooked/ignored in many areas of service….divorce leaves the woman in a place where she no longer “fits” into a couples world at church. It leaves her financially vulnerable. Nothing about divorce solves ANY problems, it just creates more and bigger problems for BOTH sides of the affair. Affairs create a false world where you can run but you can’t hide, the real world will eventually rear it’s head and those involved in it will eventually have to deal with the consequences.

    • Trey Morgan says:

      Robin… That makes my heart ache. Not that I didn’t know those things, just that NO one should ever have to go through them. I have to agree, sadly the church doesn’t know what to do with divorced people. I think the church just doesn’t know how to handle it.

      Thanks for sharing your heart and reminding me, and others, the importance of what you said.

  6. Joyce says:

    Such a hard hitting topic. Having been in the situation of being the person cheated on, not just physically, but also by flirting ( thanks Maggie Beth you summed it up well), emotionally and with the other enemy- porn…..it wears down a persons confidence, and leaves them struggling. So very hard.

    The father at our church said that when you say “I do” its the same as saying ” Amen”. Its a promise, of unconditional, complete and faithful love and respect. I think it would be great if people remembered those vows.

    Thanks for another great blog post Trey.

  7. Jennifer says:

    AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN AMEN!!!!!! This was an AWESOME post! People have to pull themselves back and look at the big picture. It’s a dirty, selfish thing to do with such horrible consequences. And it’s VERY VERY sad when there are children involved.

  8. [...] 10 Reasons NOT to Have an Affair | TreyMorgan.Net [...]

  9. Great advice you’re talking about it so everyone else can know! Definitely will keep in mind. But, what I finally figured out is, you have to bring about the place that first made it work early on and also stop doing a lot of mistakes we all make naturally if you want to help fix your marriage

About Me

Trey Morgan Here are my thoughts about marriage, family, raising children, humor, faith and the life God intended for us all. I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 25 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.

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