1. AVOID CONFLICT:
Avoided conflict will repress anger and lead to depression of feelings. Many couples believe that all conflict is bad, but conflict handled well is actually very healthy in marriage. A healthy marriage has conflict, not withdrawal.
2. BE DISHONEST:
If there is one place that there should NEVER be dishonesty, it’s in marriage. Hiding things from your spouse (text messages, email, passwords) is a sign of BIG problems. Simply tell the truth.
3. AVOID EACH OTHER:
The old saying that says, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” for the most part is untrue. Occasionally being gone for very short periods may be okay, but taking a job that keeps you away from your marriage partner on a regular basis is not only dangerous, but most of the time death to a relationship.
4. ANGER:
Conflict, if handled well, is one of the keys to a great relationship. But conflict and anger that is out of control is deadly to a marriage.
5. CRITICISM:
Constant criticism of your spouse is hard on a relationship. Encouragement, not criticism, should be a big part of every relationship.
6. DENY RESPONSIBILITY:
When you constantly deny responsibility for every issue in your marriage, you’re simply blaming your partner and trying to change him or her.
7. UN-FORGIVENESS
Always remembering the negative things about your relationship is unhealthy and unchrist-like. Have you really forgiven if every time you get in an argument, you bring up past hurts?
8. UNWILLINGNESS TO GROW
You should always be willing to work on your faults and problems in your marriage. Thinking that every problem in your marriage is caused by your spouse is unrealistic. The solution may be changing yourself instead of trying to force your partner to change.
9. BE SELFISH
Demanding your spouse meet your needs is NOT the way to get what you want. Focusing on their needs will most often cause them to focus their energy on yours.
10. FIGHT LIKE A CHILD
Using the silent treatment to force your point is unhealthy in a marriage. So is punishing your spouse by witholding friendship, kindness and sexual fulfillment.
What would you add to this list?
I am a Christian husband and father, who moonlights as the minister for the church of Christ in Childress, Texas. My wife Lea and I have been married for 23 years. We are doing our best to raise our 4 boys, who are all growing up way too fast.
I would add to your list the failure to constantly and intentionally nurture the relationship, but then you would have to change the title of your blog to “Eleven Mistakes That Will Kill a Marriage” and 11 is always an awkward number in a list such as this.
Greg … very well said. Thanks for always commenting on my blog.
Hey Trey,
Great list!
I’ll add something to it as well if you don’t mind – defensiveness.
It’s actually something I had to really work on myself. But I can tell you that having worked on my defensiveness (and actually achieving improvement) has helped the communication between Kelly and I sooooo much!
I could go into why in the past I tended to be defensive but that’s a whole blog post in itself – it’s much quicker to say that conflict resolution doesn’t escalate nearly as high now as it once did!
Whew!
Merry Christmas! Keep warm up there!
W
In ministry over the years I’ve noticed how one partner in a marriage often wants to change the other person,rather than do the hard work of allowing the Lord to change THEM. Hope you can use this poem!
OPEN MY EYES
It’s hard to confront my very own weakness,
I know, I’ve tried, many a time.
But I am so blinded to most of my faults.
I look in the mirror and think, “I’m just fine!”
I don’t probe too deep for fear what I’ll find.
Why search my heart and cause myself pain.
“Lord, work on the others, their sins are so glaring!”
“Lord, why are you working on me, again?”
Perhaps it’s self-righteousness lurking within,
Or anger I just won’t let go.
Perhaps there is pride fiercely guarding my heart,
Or I’m jealous of others, you know.
I know that sometimes I don’t tell the whole truth,
But design a one-sided picture, you see.
“But Lord, You know everyone else is doing it,
So why are Your eyes just looking at me?”
I could go on, but you get the picture!
You’re blind to your faults and weaknesses too.
Let’s not be so harsh and judgmental of others,
We can fool ourselves and we often do.
There’s healing, renewal, and transformation
For those who humbly submit their stubborn will.
Be patient, you will be amply rewarded
If you let God work on you! Just keep holding still.
Karin Ristau
copyright
Good post.
Thanks Trey,
Excellent Post!
Good post – another area of failure is financial irresponsibility. Am I right?